Brothers wedding and kids

[cheersthen]

Name changed. My brothers wedding is soon, and at the time we were given the save the date were told no kids would be invited as he wanted an adult only wedding.

I thought ok fair enough even if they were invited I would only take 2 of the girls as the rest would be uninterested or too young. Anyway it gets nearer the time and I find out there will be a handful of kids there, ok, I'm a bit pissed off as my two girls would love to have gone but it's his wedding up to him.
Today I find out our half siblings 2 kids are invited! Wtf. Though me and him aren't as close as we were due to him moving away,we are full brother and sister and grew up together went through a lot together and were good friends.
We see each other as much as he sees our half sister and only got to know her in adulthood.
He is basically having 5 kids there including her 2. He also knows my partner may not be able to come as I don't want to leave all the kids with his mum, I asked about just my two girls coming (8 and 9) and he made some bullshit excuse.

Aibu to be pissed off that he has snubbed his nieces when clearly it isn't going to be a completely child free wedding?

I would definitely be pissed off in your shoes, it's either a child free wedding, with the exception of newish burns that might be difficult to leave, but if he has 5 other kids there, are they of similar ages, then his own 2 nieces should be welcome, I can possibly understand not wanting children that are too young to cope, but you've said just your older girls so.........yanbu

I wouldn't go. If he wants you there badly enough then he would let you bring your dc.
He must value the other guests more than you if they are allowed to bring their dc. ThT in itself would make me not want to go.

My thoughts exactly.

I am all for child free weddings and completely on board when the invitation states that. It's always up to the bride and groom, no question.
Even I would be pissed, and hurt, by this situation. Have you questioned him? I'm not sure I'd bother in other circumstances but this is your brother and the question should be able to be asked.
Sorry for the, seemingly, blatant snub

I would be pissed off in your shoes, and I have been in your shoes!

My own DB sent invitations to his wedding along the same lines, my DS1 at the time was about 9 months and my parents were his only sitters. Obviously they were invited also... My younger brother then 17, was also not invited.

I told my mum that if other DB wasn't invited & DS1 couldn't come, then I wouldn't go either (obviously what DB was angling for). It caused no end of angst in the household until my Dad spoke to DB & sorted it out. We all went in the end & guess what? Children were there!!!!!!

I'd be inclined to go & cough all through the ceremony

Sorry for you and your girls

I wouldn't attend a wedding where it is clear they have a problem with my children. Do you get on with the bride?

I would be asking why his nieces/ nephews are not welcome but your half sisters children are. Its not a child free wedding unless there are no children going. They have decided for whatever reason that they don't want YOUR children at the wedding. Sod that! There is absolutely NO way I would condone my children being treated that way!

Tell the bride and groom why you are not going! Its cruel to exclude your children when their half cousins are invited! What sort of asshole Uncle would treat his nieces and nephews like that!

Have you asked him about this? It does seem odd if he's as close to you as his half sister and you have the much closer history. So I think it's worth a conversation. Without an explanation I could empathise with I would really see that as a fairly clear snub and would be inclined to consider not going and not bothering with him much more. And that's quite drastic really. So a candid conversation seems worthwhile.

OP - how many children do you have? and how old are all the children involved? Could it be that the couple are inviting and catering for older/younger children, rather than deliberately excluding your children?

Also - if you're brutally honest with yourself, have your children always been well behaved and well supervised at events in the past?

If you're upset, it's worth a conversation. They will have a reason for their decision but whatever it is, I don't think it's reasonable to write off your whole relationship with your brother over it.

I especially disagree with the above poster who suggested coughing through the vows, if your family has been excluded because they don't think you can conduct yourselves in public, then staging a silly protest during the wedding is just proving them right.

How many kids do you have OP? Not excusing it but that could be a reason due to numbers, especially if they are baby / toddlers, whereas your half sister only has two kids. However you cant have one rule for one, and a different rule for someone else.

We had a childfree wedding, we had three kids attendance but they were flower girls and page boy. A cousin of DH kicked off as he had young children which weren't invited yet the other three kids were.

My half sisters kids are a baby and a 5 year old..two of mine are the same age. But I have specified it would only be the 8 and 9 year old girls as the rest aren't bothered. My 8 year old face times him, texts him and swaps vids etc.
I didn't mean the relationship with her is as close as ours I mean when he visits he sees her as well as she will be at my dads as she is our dads daughter.
My dad even asked me yesterday if the kids were going that's how I found out hers were.

And yes get on great with the bride.

I'd be mad. When it comes to child free weddings, it's all or none.

How many kids have you got?

Just ask your DB why your DC aren't invited when others are. Decide if you go depending on the answer.

Don't go. He is telling you that you and your family are just not that important to him, which is awful and very hurtful, but beyond your control. So put your children first and decline the invitation. And tell him exactly why.

Would you have been offended if he invited two of your children but not the others? You have at least four children (possibly more, I don't think you said the total?) if he had invited all your children they would have doubled the number of children at the wedding. Also some venues don't charge for small children/babies but charge full per head price for school aged children, so maybe price was the issue?

What was the 'bullshit excuse' he gave for not agreeing to your request to bring your oldest two?

I feel like there must be more to it...

Yanbu.

There's always trouble when people have nearly child free weddings. I get how hard it is, but surely no children at all is better than some children? You'll only offend people that way. I wouldn't do it anyway.

It sounds like they wanted a child free wedding, but have been pressured into making exceptions.

Does the half sister need to travel to the wedding? Does she have anyone to watch them? There might be a real reason why he made an exception for her. I think YABU if you refuse to go without hearing out their reasons and seeing it from their POV

You just need to ask what the reason is for not inviting your children. Are they spirited or often naughty and don't do as they are told? It sounds like he has excluded them for a reason if there are other children attending.

Me and my half sister live in the same city, wedding is 2 and a half hours away so requires a hotel stay. She has family that watch her kids I don't. Like I said I even put it to my brother that my partner may not make it due to baby sitting issues and it was like he didn't give a fuck!
The 1 dds that I wanted to take the 9 year old is quiet as a mouse and amazingly behaved, the 8 year old can misbehave at home sometimes but is mega loving/friendly with everyone. She even sat with him asking if she was coming getting excited when he said to her no kids.

I wouldn't go. I'm the first to admit I hate child free weddings, even pre kids. I fully accept the bride & grooms right to choose but when it's such close family I find it very odd.

To snub some children though, that's just mean and I wouldn't go out of principle

That's how I feel. It's my wedding next year and my save the dates included kids especially my nieces and nephews. I know obviously my brother won't come if I don't go but TBH after this I don't really care that much.

I don't think you're unreasonable, however you sound a bit cross with you sister - it's not her fault your brother is saying one thing to her and different to you. Do you think he's doing this on purpose so you snap and say you're not going (therefore making you'the bad guy')? I don't have any issues with child free weddings, but this is odd and seems deliberately mean. I'd not be surprised if there were actual more children there on the day, in all honesty.

He's being a right shit isn't he. i FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR LITTLE ONES AND ESPECIALLY THE DAUGHTER THAT ASKED HIM IF HE WAS EXCITED, BLESS HER.

Sorry for caps!

Don't blame you op. I had a wedding video and my favourite parts are all the kids on the dance floor, girls with shoes kicked off and boys with their smart suits all untucked - it's what weddings are all about. They were having a blast and it took the focus off the very self conscious bride