Brothers wedding and kids

[cheersthen]

Name changed. My brothers wedding is soon, and at the time we were given the save the date were told no kids would be invited as he wanted an adult only wedding.

I thought ok fair enough even if they were invited I would only take 2 of the girls as the rest would be uninterested or too young. Anyway it gets nearer the time and I find out there will be a handful of kids there, ok, I'm a bit pissed off as my two girls would love to have gone but it's his wedding up to him.
Today I find out our half siblings 2 kids are invited! Wtf. Though me and him aren't as close as we were due to him moving away,we are full brother and sister and grew up together went through a lot together and were good friends.
We see each other as much as he sees our half sister and only got to know her in adulthood.
He is basically having 5 kids there including her 2. He also knows my partner may not be able to come as I don't want to leave all the kids with his mum, I asked about just my two girls coming (8 and 9) and he made some bullshit excuse.

Aibu to be pissed off that he has snubbed his nieces when clearly it isn't going to be a completely child free wedding?

it's what weddings are all about.

No, it's not. I mean it's great if that's what everyone wants, but it's equally great just having a break from kids everywhere as well. I always wanted a CFW, however choosing to leave getting married so long means most people we know have young children now and we wouldn't risk no one coming by not inviting whole families. If I was still young and carefree though, I'd definitely have a late wedding filled with booze and not concerned about anyone's bedtime or seeing/hearing things they shouldn't. It wouldn't have been any less special than one filled with questionably adorable children.

What matters is that the bride and groom are clear about whether they want young children there, then stick to it. Can't have both ways and I can see why the op is angry.

Ok, for me it's what weddings are all about. Other people differ obviously.

I find it odd when children are excluded but each to their own. Sounds like a snub op and totally weird. I wouldn't go.

This isn't about whether having a cfw is a good idea or not, because some prople like them and others don't. It's about excluding one sister's family while welcoming the other sister's children for seemingly no good reason. Which is hurtful and tells the OP all she needs to know about how her brother sees her and his neices/nephews.

Where have I sounded pissed Off at my sister she is actually really nice.. I'm pissed off at the situation not her. And I don't think my brother is that calculated to do this so I don't go..there wouldn't be any reason for it.

cheersthen, apologies, it read a bit like you were cross or were under the impression your sister had somehow 'pulled strings' with your brother when she could have make other arrangements with her children. Obviously I misread it, sorry.

If you can't think of a reason why he said no to your kids and yes to others, it just makes it more strange to be honest. He could at least explain the double standards to you, if he could give a good reason as to why it could settle this quickly. As I said though, really wouldn't be surprised if more children are there on the day if he's being vague.

A question... You said you found out about the children going from your dad. Are you SURE this information is correct?

As far as I know it's correct, dad asked me if all my kids were going I said no..I said are sisters he said yeah they are.

Speak to sister in case your dad has picked it up wrong.

If her kids are going and yours can't that is awful. I wouldn't go.

I understand that your dad said those kids are going, but this is second hand information. Your dad COULD be wrong. He could have misunderstood the situation. Call your brother or sister and ask them directly what's going on.

I've just asked sister yep hers are def going she said are yours? So don't think she even realises. I actually feel so sad about it as he knows it could mean my partner may not be able to come, and I'll have to go a day earlier with other family members as they are having to get a hotel for two nights.

Could you text your brother and say something along the lines of, "can I just confirm that my children are not invited, I understand that dsis children are going and I'm confused as I thought the wedding was child free?" and see what his response is? If he still doesn't seem bothered then I would probably give my apologies and use the money you would have spent on his wedding on a nice day out for you all.

Exactly what fitsimmons said.

Reasonable with a chance for brother to explain. I am shocked a brother would do that. YANBU!

I would call your brother immediately.

I really don't know what to say to him. I don't want to start any trouble as he will know who has told me.

Are there any children taking part in the ceremony? No chance the older child of your sister has been asked to be flower girl/page boy and they have 'exemption' as it were?

Your sister hasn't started trouble as it isn't a secret her children are going.

Asking why is not unreasonable.

Otherwise respect his wishes (as unfair as they are) and go yourself. I suppose other family will soon notice your family aren't there but other kids are. Perhaps your brother will eventually realise he is wrong.

Or don't go and don't tell him why.
It's whatever you are comfortable with. My only worry would be what if it is some sort if miscommunication and you miss the wedding (maybe your sister misunderstood invite?)

You are not starting trouble - he is, by excluding your kids and including dsis!
You either seethe with quiet resentment or you say your piece. The latter is better for you in the long run. I wouldn't let somone treat my children as second class citizens and not challenge it.

the cut off points are either all sibling children, all bridal party, all older than/younger than x age.

people get pissed off and hurt when they are excluded when others of equal distance/relationship are included.

You're not starting anything. You're confused. You can't bring your daughters but your sister can? Why? I think you deserve an answer for this, especially because he had said this was to be an adult-only wedding.

I know, I'm just trying to think how I ask him without sounding petty? The sisters kids are def not flower girl/pageboy as far as I know that would be an even bigger kick in the teeth TBH!!

It doesn't sound petty at all. It is actually a big deal in terms of your future relationship and your children's.

True it would make them feel like shit if they knew this. And I wouldn't be able to go and have a good time knowing my girls are missing out, they've never been to a wedding before either, grrrr why is he such a cock.

Your brother is definitely not being considerate of your feelings. You have every right to feel poorly about this.

I would just say "cannot attend due to child-care issues" and leave it at that.