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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need to sneak time off work. Advice needed.

78 replies

KeepServingTheDrinks · 10/07/2017 00:09

I had a dentist appointment a couple of weeks ago. He noticed something unusual in my mouth, which he told me about, and said he wanted to send me to have a cancer screening about to make sure it wasn't anything bad. And he gave me a lecture to say if he was making the referral, it was REALLY important i went along [which I guess is a thing about the NHS and costing them money on people missing appointments].
The thing is, half-an-hour later, I realized what it was.... I chew nicotine gum, and I've only been chewing it on one side because of toothache on the other side. I rang the dentist, but he still wants me to have anything more sinister ruled out. (do tongue biospy's hurt???)

Last Monday I said (all bright and breezy) to a colleague "how was your weekend?" and she said "fine" but looked a bit off, so I gave her a 'Paddington' stare, and said 'are you ok'. At which point she broke down. Very upset. She's had some kind of dodgy test, and has to have it checked out for cancer.

No one else at work knows except me. I don't want her to know about 'my' thing, because I know my 'thing' is a nothing. So I don't want to tell my work why I'm off, because she'll get to hear about it (she's on the senior management team, and they share information like staff absences).

I work in a school (not a teacher!). You're not allowed to take time off in term time without a good reason.

What should I do? Should I just lie? Should I tell the Head the truth and that someone on her senior team has a health anxiety that only I know about? (which kind-of is like a stealth boast IYSWIM???? )

I have to miss an important meeting to go to my stupid biopsy.

OP posts:
Original poster
KeepServingTheDrinks · 10/07/2017 00:10

btw, I tried to get an appointment in the school holidays, which are only a couple of weeks away, but the dentist wants me to have it within 2 weeks of the appointment.

OP posts:
rightwhine · 10/07/2017 00:11

Just say it's a hospital appointment for personal reasons?

Walnutwhipaddict · 10/07/2017 00:11

Hi OP - is there any chance that you could ask the dentist to rearrange your appointment? Could you mention to the dentist that you can't really take time off from work?

Walnutwhipaddict · 10/07/2017 00:12

Oh sorry Blush just read your update!

Original poster
KeepServingTheDrinks · 10/07/2017 00:13

rightwhine if I do that, they'll all be worried it's something serious and want me to tell them about it.

OP posts:
rightwhine · 10/07/2017 00:20

Best to just tell the truth but make light of it then.

seventhgonickname · 10/07/2017 00:21

When there is any chance of something looking suspiciously has to be seen in a 2week time period.The reason being that things caught early can be sorted if left the consequences can be much harder to deal with.
Your dentist has seen something on your tongue that needs checking ,just be honest at work and go to the appointment.His stressing you must go has nothing to do with missed appointments costing the NHS.It may turn out to be nothing but you do need to take this seriously and keep the appointment.

Refilona · 10/07/2017 00:21

If you say it is a hospital appointment and that hopefully it won't be anything serious but they want you to get it checked asap there is no reason they would ask details.

Horsemad · 10/07/2017 00:22

Firstly, biopsies are NEVER stupid - they can and do save lives, remember that.

Secondly, just tell your line manager you have a hospital appt; after all, that's what it is, isn't it?

converseandjeans · 10/07/2017 00:24

Just tell the truth. The other person and their health issue should not impact on you having your scan. It is important you go.

Redsippycup · 10/07/2017 00:26

You really do need to go to this appointment. You don't need to tell work what it is for.

Just tell them you have recieved an urgent hospital referral can't be rearranged (and that you have tried) if they ask what for then say it's personal.

I also think you need to take this a bit more seriously. It's great you are positive, but unfortunately as an ex(?) smoker you are more at risk of associated health problems. Don't let the positivity damage your health.

The dentist's insistence you attend is far more likely due to concern for your health than NHS resources. Good luck at your appointment - i hope you are right and it is nothing to worry about Flowers

Catinthecorner · 10/07/2017 00:27

It's a hospital appointment, or follow up dental appointment as they couldn't do the work they needed to at the time.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/07/2017 00:27

I suspect you telling him that you chew nicotine gum that side made him more worried, not less. Get the biopsy. Tell work it's a hospital appt.

Christinedonna · 10/07/2017 00:30

Could you say you're going for a smear?

ilovesooty · 10/07/2017 00:33

It depends whether you are likely to have to say what the appointment is for. You would have had to tell the head in the last school I taught at. If not, just say that you have a medical appointment.

seventhgonickname · 10/07/2017 00:34

Smears are necessary but not as time sensitive.Just tell the Head you have an urgent hospital referral and go.

LellyMcKelly · 10/07/2017 00:38

If your dentist wants you to go to the hospital for a cancer screening, then you go to the hospital for a cancer screening. He will not have been worried because you chew nicotine gum on one side of your mouth (he's a dentist. He sees this stuff every day). He has seen something that you need to have checked out. Either tell them the truth, or just say 'hospital appointment I couldn't get at a more convenient time'.

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/07/2017 00:38

Just say it's an appointment for an urgent test your dentist has referred you for. They may want you to tell them more about it, but if you respond to questions saying you don't really want to share the details because you're aware such information gets gossiped about by the senior leadership team, that should make them back off a bit and maybe reassess some of their practices?

FelixtheMouse · 10/07/2017 00:49

Sorry, by why can't you just tell them the real reason? I don't follow.

quizqueen · 10/07/2017 00:52

I'm sure the school won't refuse you time off for this appointment and you can make an effort to catch up with what happened in the meeting. Do not lie to your employer. It's up to your colleague to inform them about her problem. It's nothing to do with you.

Ofnoman · 10/07/2017 00:53

Just tell the truth, you have a hospital check up you need to go to, don't start concocting stories, yuo have a test, your colleague has a test, the two don't impact on each other.

pastafairy · 10/07/2017 01:00

In my school you can say you have a hospital appointment and choose to only disclose the reason to the head. Obviously if things become more serious they like to be able to share information for planning. I did this when a dodgy smear result put me on a cancer pathway. Didn't need SLT to know they were poking around my cervix! Thankfully it was nothing sinister and no one knows about it. Your medical information is covered under Data Protection

colacolaaddict · 10/07/2017 01:05

Hospital appointment that can't be rearranged. You don't need to share exactly what it's for. And no you don't share someone else's medical info with senior management.

It's not a competition and both of your medical details are no one else's business. Imagine you have an STD -you wouldn't feel obliged to share the diagnosis with everyone at work would you? Proceed similarly.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/07/2017 01:16

I also dont understand why you cant just tell them the truth. Am I missing something?!

What has your needing a test got to do with her needing a test? And why does it matter if she does know about it?

SpareASquare · 10/07/2017 01:28

A simple notice that you have a medical appointment is all you need to provide, surely. It's personal and your business only. No need for all the drama