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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how gay men do it?

112 replies

Bunlicker · 09/07/2017 20:19

Because from reading the relationships threads here it has become apparent to me that #allmen can't see dirt. Or do the washing up. Or the laundry, and that some are just not very good at doing the laundry.

And here's me not knowing you could be 'bad' at something that literally involves sticking clothes in a hole.

How do these men get dressed in the mornings, or does the inability to take clothing out of the washing machine not extend to taking clothes out of other places?

Surely gay men are also kept blind to the secret women's ways of washing clothes, as handed down from mother to daughter since the very first Egyptian laundry rooms?

In fact, were these symbols actually hieroglyphics?

So do gay men just sit around together looking forlornly at grubby unironed work shirts with collar stains.

Do they use paper plates since neither of them could possibly wash the dishes?

Are they just both hoping that one day they will stumble upon the magical place that the mop resides so they can stop sticking to floors?

OP posts:

TatterdemalionAspie · 09/07/2017 22:13

I was scrolling down to the end of the thread to type I am not a man, gay or otherwise, and I still have no idea about any of those symbols, nor any urge whatsoever to work them them out. On the way down, though, I saw Dimples' pic, and that (unlike the OP's one) had me read right to the end... and laugh throughout. Life is too fucking short to be ruled by unfathomable laundry symbols; if it can't survive a 40 degree wash, don't buy it.

DopeyDazy · 09/07/2017 22:13

Most men are really lazy but can moan for England/GB

Malfoyy · 09/07/2017 22:18

Dammit I opened the thread for a discussion on how gay me do IT! Disappointed now

TartanDMs · 09/07/2017 23:11

andrew a man who is ex forces, and was a single dad for 10 years, makes an ideal husband

Orlandointhewilderness · 09/07/2017 23:19

Mine can, and does, his own laundry. He is perfectly happy to cook, clean and has baked. Because he is an intelligent, self sufficient man. Yes, sometimes I choose to do the above for him but he has NEVER asked and he would never expect. We are a team.

Orlandointhewilderness · 09/07/2017 23:19

Oh, and who actually understands the bloody symbols!?!

Nonibaloni · 09/07/2017 23:24

My brother and his husband are total slatterns. They say they are busting the stereotype of fussy camp gay men but I think in fact they don't like housework. And since they live in their own home they don't have too. I often go to enjoy drinking out of mismatched mugs amongst laundry piles and not worry about it.

user1492324666 · 09/07/2017 23:50

Please, please try your hardest not to be sexist. How can women ever get equality if it is ok to make sweeping criticisms of men?

My suggestion is to always think twice before posting, change the key word to "women" or "black". Does it still feel ok?

MistressDeeCee · 10/07/2017 00:04

I dont live with OH. He's a better cook than me, I go round there to pig out. He's not untidy either. The most I can complain about (but don't) is stuff like tumble dryer sheets, lovely smelling clothes conditioners/softeners etc, none of that occurs to him. Men are lazy and entitled if they have been brought up to be and then find an enabler. Normally someone who pretends not to have noticed he was a selective sloth before the dreamy wedding bells

Lweji · 10/07/2017 00:07

How can women ever get equality if it is ok to make sweeping criticisms of men?

That's exactly what's preventing women from getting equality.

Ohyesiam · 10/07/2017 00:08

It felt important to me that the person I chose to have a long term sexual relationship with was an adult. So I chose one who could function as an adult.
He can do all the usual adult shit, washing, shopping, earning, bills, as week as the fun stuff.
Of course mine was not an arranged marriage, so if like me there are any single mnerrs who are interested in getting a life partner, and have freedom of choice about who it is, chose an adult functioning one.
You won't regret it.

Shadow666 · 10/07/2017 00:15

Oh, gosh. I remember when Queer as Folk was first on TV my mum's step mum asked my mum how gay men did it. As in where do they put their penises. Poor mum was so embarrassed!

The washing symbols mean throw it all in the washing machine and if it dies it wasn't meant to be.

My Ex was useless but now has to take care of himself. I think he eats out a lot to avoid doing washing up.

MistressDeeCee · 10/07/2017 00:26

Dimples

BrieAndChilli · 10/07/2017 00:29

I know 2 gay men well (don't know each other)
One has a home full of Chandeliers, cream carpets and furniture made out of mirrors - I'm too scared to touch anything in case I leave a smear!
The other washes up with cold water, leaves his stuff everywhere and doesn't shower for several days.

Original poster

Bunlicker · 10/07/2017 06:15

Please, please try your hardest not to be sexist. How can women ever get equality if it is ok to make sweeping criticisms of men? My suggestion is to always think twice before posting, change the key word to "women" or "black". Does it still feel ok?
I don't remember asking for your suggestions, but as you are offering.

Where have I been sexist?

Is it sexist to point out that men are just as capable as women?

OP posts:

Original poster

Bunlicker · 10/07/2017 06:18

Oh and fwiw you would never change 'man' for 'woman' or 'black' as though are two oppressed groups. Men as a class in their family homes are not.

OP posts:

mohuzivajehi · 10/07/2017 07:12

Is it sexist to point out that men are just as capable as women?

Of course nt but your op was sexist in assuming that the condition of being useless and pathetic about household chores is intrinsic to men.

Most human beings like being a bit lazy, if they can get away with it. Grownups are able to assess the consequences of being lazy and decide whether or not to do something. Whether the consequence is 'someone else will do it' or 'no one will do it and it won't get done' has an impact. That is the same for men and women, gay and straight. Labelling all men as incapable of seeing dirt or reading laundry instructions, even in a jokey way, is part of the sexist culture that continues to oppress both men and women.

wheatchief · 10/07/2017 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Bunlicker · 10/07/2017 07:49

Is it sexist to point out that men are just as capable as women?Of course nt but your op was sexist in assuming that the condition of being useless and pathetic about household chores is intrinsic to men.Most human beings like being a bit lazy, if they can get away with it. Grownups are able to assess the consequences of being lazy and decide whether or not to do something. Whether the consequence is 'someone else will do it' or 'no one will do it and it won't get done' has an impact. That is the same for men and women, gay and straight. Labelling all men as incapable of seeing dirt or reading laundry instructions, even in a jokey way, is part of the sexist culture that continues to oppress both men and women.

That's absolutely not what I was saying. In fact it's the exact opposite of what I am saying. Being incapable of doing the laundry is in no way intrinsic to men. If you want to look for sexism look elsewhere.

the majority of housework, even in homes where women work more hours out of the house is done by women.

This is due to a social system that says men don't need to do housework. Not because 'women let them' or because men are idiots who can't use washing machines.

Labelling all men as incapable of seeing dirt or reading laundry instructions, even in a jokey way, is part of the sexist culture that continues to oppress both men and women.

Like, did you even read my op?

OP posts:

elevenclips · 10/07/2017 08:02

2 gay (male) couples I know have immaculate homes.

My dh however is like a dog that walks around farting and dropping food. He'll do anything I ask. But he's really crap at it, zero common sense.

mohuzivajehi · 10/07/2017 08:05

Yes I read the OP, and your subsequent followup posts. It is not "men" that you are railing about, but "lazy people who let others do the work". Your sexism is because you continue to conflate these categories. I agree with you that there is a sexist culture that makes it more acceptable for a man to be in this category than a woman but that's a separate issue.

Lweji · 10/07/2017 08:07

I agree with you that there is a sexist culture that makes it more acceptable for a man to be in this category than a woman but that's a separate issue.

No, that was the whole point of the OP.

Original poster

Bunlicker · 10/07/2017 08:11

Oh. I get it.

It's like when black people notice racism they're actually racist right.

OP posts:

lieka · 10/07/2017 08:48

Yy Bun.

toomuchtooold · 10/07/2017 09:24

Ha, I lived with two gay guys in my last year at uni. One of them had a room that was an utter tip, took his washing home to his mother every weekend, and never I think in the entire time we lived there ever opened the dishwasher. The other took his turn with the chores and in fact showed me that thing of how to put a duvet cover on starting from inside out. I am still friends with the second guy :-)

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