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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be ashamed of myself?

96 replies

SarahJane123 · 09/07/2017 14:50

A few weeks ago at the local swimming pool I was in the unisex shower next to the men's showers and washing my hair. I glimpsed a naked man at he far end of the men's showers and stole a few naughty glances. Is this wrong? He was washing himself and clearly didn't know he could be seen. AIBU to be ashamed that I've thought of little else since? It just doesn't feel right.

OP posts:
BoysofMelody · 09/07/2017 15:10

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MeanAger · 09/07/2017 15:10

It could very well already have been the other way many times. The point is we don't know because the people never drew attention to the fact they could see us.

Original poster
SarahJane123 · 09/07/2017 15:16

No, I didn't lick him 😄 I'm not sure why this is relevant, but I'm 32 bluntness

whattodo It is the issue with regards to the roles being reversed that bothers me. A lot. It's why I asked the question, to be honest. I feel bad that it even crosses my mind. Not really something I feel I can discuss with colleagues or friends!

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Cailleach666 · 09/07/2017 15:20

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ConstanceCraving · 09/07/2017 15:30

Naughty glances?

sadsquid · 09/07/2017 15:31

Surreptitious glances have zero impact on the person being glanced at. If you blatantly ogle or do anything to make the person uncomfortable, it's clearly wrong. If they try to seek privacy and you violate that, it's wrong. But occasionally pointing your eyes in their direction is a thing that happens, and would probably have happened a few times by accident as you were turning under the shower. I don't think you're obliged to pretend you can't see someone who hasn't tried to hide themselves. And most of us think sexy thoughts about strangers at some point or other.

For all that he didn't necessarily realise you were looking at him, if he'd looked round he'd have seen you - the way you describe the setup, he must have known he wasn't hidden. It's not like you were peering over the top of a cubicle door. Or are you thinking that he didn't realise the showers next door were unisex?

OfficerVanHalen · 09/07/2017 15:34

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nina2b · 09/07/2017 15:35

Slow news dayBiscuit

nina2b · 09/07/2017 15:36

Haven't wasted time reading this thread. The OP is quite enough.Hmm

StickThatInYourPipe · 09/07/2017 15:42

Ah I can't get cross about this. When I am in the changing rooms and some random woman is flossing with the towel I can't help but take a few glances as I do find it highly amusing

Whodoesthis17 · 09/07/2017 15:42

If you can see him,. others can see you, forget the guilt, just got tell the manager.

NC4now · 09/07/2017 15:42

I think it counts as voyeurism when there's 'a reasonable expectation of privacy'.
I know that's the rules for paparazzi taking pics of eg sunbathers. Morals aside (that's an entirely different issue) on a public beach is legal, in a private garden with a long lens is not.
So I guess the question is: did the naked man in the communal changing room have a reasonable expectation of privacy?

CaretakerToNuns · 09/07/2017 15:44

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LadyOfTheCanyon · 09/07/2017 15:45

Naughty Glances? Oh my days.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 09/07/2017 15:46

Is a naughty glance the same as an Erotic Peep?

DeleteOrDecay · 09/07/2017 15:51

Reported, someone must be bored today.

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 15:53

Oh it just had to be the mans fault. Ffs.

CaoNiMartacus · 09/07/2017 15:55

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WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 09/07/2017 15:55

If anything the man is at fault for being naked in close proximity to the female showers.

They were UNISEX showers, ffs.

pictish · 09/07/2017 15:57

Aye right.

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 15:57

Why is it different the other way around? Perving is perving in my book.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 09/07/2017 15:59

Stole a few naughty glances

I don't know any woman who would write like that.

Hmm
CaretakerToNuns · 09/07/2017 16:00

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intergalacticbrexitdisco · 09/07/2017 16:00

If you've 'thought of little else since' and this occured a 'few weeks ago', then may I suggest you get out more and perhaps try getting to know a few -ahem- eligible bachelors?

Original poster
SarahJane123 · 09/07/2017 16:03

WhatToDo I think, strictly speaking, they were men's showers that he was using. They are just adjacent to the ones that lead directly to the pool which I suppose, by definition, are unisex. Maybe the whole setup needs looking at if men can be seen like this.

Sunnymorning I'm sorry if it comes across as me saying it's his fault, as fault isn't the issue here. For what it is worth, I don't think it was his fault, or mine. Just something that happened and I feel bad now. Maybe I will mention it to the management when I go back.
Thank you all for the constructive discussion, less so for the unwarranted abuse and accusations! You know who I am referring to.

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