AIBU to say this is completely unacceptable conversation

[queenbeeee]

So, I overheard my mom talking to my neice(14) today. My mother (57) has a very busy social life. She goes on holidays to magaluf with a group of friends. They usually have a theme and dress up as pirates,police officer etc. Today I heard mom telling my niece (her granddaughter), about a hen night she went on to the night before. I heard her telling my niece how there had been a naked waiter at the party. She was laughing and joking as if she had just told an adult. She also mentioned how everyone was drunk. AIBU to tell her this is completely an unacceptable conversation to have with your granddaughter. Tia

You would hate to live in my house then Op !! Your mum sounds fab. Wish mine had been like that

Naked waiter sounds horribly unhygienic!

I think hearing about granny's antics is enough to put most teenagers off sex for life. Might be a good tactic.

Not good to make them give up sex for life but slowing down a 14 year olds hormones.

YANBU I would now want my daughters grandmothers to say anything like that to my (almost) 14 year old.... but I guess that unless she is your daughter you will have to keep quiet. But I agree, not a healthy topic for adult to have had with young girl.

I think you do need to unclench slightly OP but it's understandable you're worried about this given your feelings about your own childhood.

On the mum/mom issue, a small minority of areas in the UK use 'mom' instead of the more widely used 'mum'. I'd be surprised if both the poster questioning this and the OP were not aware of that.

I think a lot of people on hear have wrongly assumed I am some sort of prude. I am certainly not. She's my mom of course I know her very well we are very close. However my feelings from my childhood go much deeper than I can express to you in a short paragraph. I am honest and open with my children. I do let my son 15 have a few beers on special occasions etc. My kids know they can talk to me about anything. They don't feel embarrassed too. Which is great as my son is growing up now. My mom sort of in a way 'promotes' alcohol . She makes it sounds absolutely brilliant to get so drunk you piss your pants. She makes it sound like it's so much fun. Which is why it pisses me off and I do tell her

He probably had a pinny on over his tackle......i went to a hen party with a 'Butler in the Buff' and you couldn't see anything other than his very nice bottom! He was totally charming.No Smut. Your 14 year old daughter knows a lot more than you think! She probably thinks her granny is a hoot.

OP people assume you are a prude because of your initial post simply stating "I heard her telling my niece how there had been a naked waiter at the party. She was laughing and joking as if she had just told an adult. She also mentioned how everyone was drunk." That does not sound to most as a person "promoting alchohol". And then you go on to spew your on vitriolic abuse on others "anyone allowing their 14yo to watch love island is a twat". How much more judgy (or a twat yourself) can you really get?

MargotlovedTom1 - Lesbian orgies off limits you think?

But I also woukd be furious if my 14 year old daughter was spoken to like that - yes we all know teenagers know about alcohol and nudity but strong boundaries dhould be maintained at that impressionable age

Earthmother1 I'm not sure I get your comment addressed to me? Yes, I think it would be a bit much for a grandmother to discuss experiences of lesbian orgies with her 14 year old daughter. A naked waiter? - I wouldn't be bothered.

Granddaughter, not daughter.

Libby Purves in her brilliant Nature's Masterpiece book has a bit about the invaluable benefits of having a totally inappropriate older relative popping in occasionally just to widen your teen's horizons and protect them against a totally sanitized world.

Imo the early teens is an age where you should gradually be learning to distinguish between your love for the people around you and total trust in their ideas. You should learn to regard granny (and mum and dad) with a loving but slightly critical and possibly amused eye, able to understand that the fact that you love the old codgers and want to be nice to them doesn't mean that all of their ideas are necessarily something you would want to take with you into life. This is an essential life skill: it helps you to later regard friends and lovers with the same level of affectionate but not uncritical detachment. And obviously inappropriate elderly relatives are often the ideal practising material; they are not required to administer boundaries so it's fine not to believe a word they say.

Fortunately, mental development in teens means they are often just ready for that kind of critical eye towards their family: if they are described as impressionable it is normally because they have not yet developed the confidence to display the same attitude towards their peers.

That's very interesting Cory and makes total sense. I might seek out that book.