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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say this is completely unacceptable conversation

89 replies

queenbeeee · 08/07/2017 23:42

So, I overheard my mom talking to my neice(14) today. My mother (57) has a very busy social life. She goes on holidays to magaluf with a group of friends. They usually have a theme and dress up as pirates,police officer etc. Today I heard mom telling my niece (her granddaughter), about a hen night she went on to the night before. I heard her telling my niece how there had been a naked waiter at the party. She was laughing and joking as if she had just told an adult. She also mentioned how everyone was drunk. AIBU to tell her this is completely an unacceptable conversation to have with your granddaughter. Tia

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 09/07/2017 08:14

Urgh, this is just the sort of thread some trash newspaper is going to repeat, isn't it?

At this age, my mother reiterated a story where she shagged someone else's husband at a party we were all at (wife wasn't there). She was telling it as a 'funny, silly me' type story. You haven't the first idea of inappropriate, OP.

mathanxiety · 09/07/2017 08:23

If the grandmother was a grandfather, how would it be viewed?

Anniegetyourgun · 09/07/2017 08:24

Talking about these things is not the same as recommending them.

Anniegetyourgun · 09/07/2017 08:24

ps 57 is not old!!!

youarenotkiddingme · 09/07/2017 08:32

Yanbu. It was about this age my mum and her sisters started being mor ripen and regaling is with tales of their own childhood.

And she's 14! Most kids that age are watching love island. And if they aren't they are hearing it discussed at school continuously.

I was watching it the other day (for reasons even I myself cannot fathom!) and my 12yo DS came into lounge to say goodnight. He asked why they were doing what they were doing and why the woman wore swimsuits "up their bum" he thought they were all mad and thought it was stupid but it doesn't mean you have to shield them from it.

Trills · 09/07/2017 08:33

It's a cringey conversation that would make teenage me go "ew, GRAN!".

You sound very uptight, and perhaps ill-informed about what teenagers know of the world.

mollymcmuffin · 09/07/2017 08:36

If the grandmother was a grandfather, how would it be viewed?

Eh?

Devilishpyjamas · 09/07/2017 08:38

She's 14 - I am failing to see the problem.

JeffVadersMum · 09/07/2017 08:39

On a serious note, if it had been GF telling DS, about a naked waitress it wouldn't have been as funny?

I know it's all about the history of female exploitation, but I think sometimes we do need to step back and think these things through.

But I don't think it's a problem telling a 14yr old that GM saw/was drunk

mollymcmuffin · 09/07/2017 08:42

I know it's all about the history of female exploitation, but I think sometimes we do need to step back and think these things through

Ok so you do know. These things can't be compared like for like.

JeffVadersMum · 09/07/2017 08:52

Sorry I wasn't trying to be confrontational, even though it might look that way

SongforSal · 09/07/2017 08:57

She sounds like my very own Dm.......It is exasperating. But also funny at times. Mostly exasperating though!

Devilishpyjamas · 09/07/2017 09:01

My younger son's used to go to swimming lessons in a hotel pool. They loved the buff naked waiter adverts by reception. I had to tell them to leave the flyers alone and stop taking them home. They were primary age.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/07/2017 09:02

Bugger - misplaced apostrophe!

FoxyinherRoxy · 09/07/2017 09:06

I'd be horrified by the naked waiter, not by the conversation your mother was having.

FoxyinherRoxy · 09/07/2017 09:09

I agree with you Jeffvadersmum.

Waiters/waitresses 'in the buff' both objectifying and both awful.

Stickerrocks · 09/07/2017 09:19

The granny's behaviour would probably make me cringe, but the conversations themselves are perfectly reasonable. My teenager & I chat about all sorts of rubbish that we see going on around us. I'd rather have a proper conversation with her about the stupid stuff that other people get up to, than hide things away. Your niece is 14, not a toddler and will have seen & heard far worse.

FreezerBird · 09/07/2017 09:19

You seriously think your 14 year old daughter doesn't know about hen parties and that, shock horror, people get drunk?

Don't be so naive. 14 year olds know a lot more than you would think

Well it depends on the 14 year old really doesn't it?

I'm 41 and didn't know naked waiters were a thing until I opened this thread...

MissionItsPossible · 09/07/2017 09:48

Well how fucking dare she... doesn't she know as a grandmother she should be sat at home sucking on a Murray Mint, wearing clothes from Littlewoods and smelling of piss? She also has no right going to shagaluf, once your kids have spawned, it should be Eastbourne on a Wallace Arnold coach.

I am dying!! 😂😂😂

dollydaydream114 · 09/07/2017 14:41

"On a serious note, if it had been GF telling DS, about a naked waitress it wouldn't have been as funny?"

My lovely, kind, gentle, tolerant grandad once told my mother and I (I was mid-teens) about the time during the war when he accidentally walked into the wrong room in a requisitioned hotel he was billeted in and saw a woman buggering a senior officer with a strap-on. I mean, he didn't use those words but that was essentially the story. I've probably never laughed so much in my entire life.

Brittbugs80 · 09/07/2017 15:09

sorry OP. just realised you called your mother 'mom' so, assuming your American or Canadian and buy into shite like Baby Showers etc, then of course YANB at all U.

I say Mom and I'm neither Canadian nor American.

We all know what assume does..

BoysofMelody · 09/07/2017 15:11

In the English Midlands mom is widely used.

VestalVirgin · 09/07/2017 15:55

I am sure she just thought eeewww. Teenagers don't tend to like thinking of their older relatives being into sex.

Yes, and that's why telling them about having ogled a naked man isn't appropriate conversation.

Sure the 14 year old knows that men can be naked, but does she really want to know what her grandmother thinks about the subject?

Probably not.

On a serious note, if it had been GF telling DS, about a naked waitress it wouldn't have been as funny?

Well, as you mentioned, this would be even more inacceptable, because patriarchy.
But of course it is inappropriate in any case.

Original poster
queenbeeee · 09/07/2017 23:44

Wow ok first at all we are very close my dn always stays over my house sometimes for weeks on end. I am glad my mom is happy and having fun with her mates I think it's brilliant.
When I was as a child I knew things that a 9yr old should not. And so did my sister's. I think she's just dopey there is no mallace in it at all. She is always putting her foot in it. But she was like it through our childhood. I was not sneakly listening at the door. My dn was staying at my house, in my care. My mom only really sees dn when she is at mine. Which she does quite often so.etimes for weeks.
She is not allowed to watch love island and anyone who does let there 14 yr old watch It is a twat. Anyway knowing what my mom's like I do tell her I'm not rude to her by no means. After speaking to my sister today she was glad I had told mom is wasn't cool. I'm actually quite showed at how many people think that it's fine. It's really not. And I am in UK. My kids call me mom. What do you say instead of mom then?

OP posts:
Carriecakes80 · 10/07/2017 18:04

Lol you would hate me then, I talk to my 9 year old about these things!! I don't talk to her like a mate, she's my daughter, but they see and hear so much more these days, so yes, I have talked to my daughter about alcohol, and how great it can be, and also, how very dangerous it can be, like pretty much anything in life. She has seen naked men and women before, her dad and me being two of them lol, and knows there is absolutely nothing wrong with the human body, but there are appropriate times and places to be naked.In all honestly, I start these kind of talks from when they are very young, and so far, ie with my two older sons, its worked really well! My kids are able to talk to me openly and honestly about sex, puberty (apparently my 9 yr old can't wait to 'become a woman, so opposite to me, who hated every aspect of growing up lol) even my 16 yr old son came up to me very shyly last week saying he had had his first kiss, and he wants to marry the girl lol...So personally, I think its fantastic that her gran can be open and candid about life, and she sounds loads of fun. I'm not saying my way is everyones way, but I think the more open you are with these things from a young age, the better they learn, as with everything in life! :-) x