To ask if you have a favourite child?

[lollipop74]

Just that really...

It's interesting. Hardly anyone ever admits to having a favourite child (I don't, either) and yet so many children (and adults) sincerely feel that their one or both of their parents had a favourite.

Both of mine say the other is my favourite. I can assure you I love them both but I see where they get it from.
DS has very similar interests and tastes to me, so we can spend a lot of time together doing or watching stuff because of that - sweeping generalisation but they tend to be the polar opposite of my DDs taste.
However he can be a bit gobby  so I'm often encouraging him to rein it in a bit. DD has overcome a lot and I'm so proud of what she has achieved and as a painfully shy person I encourage her to stand up for herself and be vocal about what she can do.
DD says I favour DS as I spend more time with him, DS says I favour DD as I am prouder of her and let her talk more! They both agree however that the dog is my true favourite

Yes, and I tell her she is my favourite every night at bedtime. She's my only one.

Its really difficult.

I dont have a favourite. I love them both. But both are different kids at different stages in their life.

Right now ds is sat snuggled on the sofa with me and teenage dd is still in bed. Yesterday i went shopping with dd. Which is more fun than shopping with ds. He is 6 and easily bored.

Me and dd had a nice lunch and a long walk round the shops. It was great. If ds wantes to go shopping with me, i woild be happy to do it. But it would be different and not relaxing.

Ds loves football. Its not my thing but i play with him because its his thing.

I dont expect to have the same relationship with them both. Thats impossible. I also dont refuse to do stuff with them because its not my thing.

Dh is the same.

I wouldn't say a favourite but a different kind of bond.
I love my oldest, he's all for mummy, hes my first born, my baby boy.
The baby, I definatly feel the bond is different. I can't explain how though.
I love them both equally but differently.

at this thread. "I have no favorites I just like spending more time with one than the others" . Well then you you do have a favourite. And your children probably recognise that. Love is love and you probably my don't love one more than the other and still couldn't pick which to dump off a cliff but I bet you could pick one you'd rather spend the day with.

It's interesting. Hardly anyone ever admits to having a favourite child (I don't, either) and yet so many children (and adults) sincerely feel that their one or both of their parents had a favourite.

^yes, that. I feel awful but dc3 is the 'baby' (3.5 year old baby) and I've just found him so loving and easy that yes, he's 'the favourite'. I hate myself for it and I love all my children. But dc1 is just easier to deal with and was born that way. Dc2 cried constantly and was born moaning. Dc1 is the anarchist. Most likely to end up leading the revolution or in prison. So smart, refused to cuddle from birth practically. Such a nightmare to spend an hour with.

after last nights argument today it is definitely my DS but then depending on his behaviour, to morrow it could be my DD again

I have a favourite child to cuddle the one who lets me & a favourite child to teach/learn/explore with the one who gets obviously excited about learning new things. Not the same child. DD1 is due in November & I'm excited to see why she will be my "favourite".

No, no favourite here. Definitely a different relationship - my nearly 5yo is good company in a way the baby (nearly 1) just isn't. But the baby needs me so much more, and sparks those feelings of protectiveness, and day to day takes up more of my attention. The big one is much more independent and much less work. But no, I love them both exactly the same, although which one I like more changes depending on how they behave
Luckily I have one of each, so I tell the big one that she's my favourite girl, and the baby's my favourite boy. Don't know what I'll do if we have another!

Not at all. I love them both the same. I prefer to spend time with dd as she's nearly 5 so a bit easier to hang out with and had less tantrums, but ds 2 is all kinds of gorgeous and I love him the same amount.
In the mornings I have a preference for whoever slept the best !

You only have to look at the Stately Homes thread to know many adult children feel let down by their parents, and the more favourable treatment shown to siblings over their lifetimes.

It stands to reason that these parents didn't just pick a favourite offspring once they reached adulthood! I think most of the 'favourites' as adults have probably held that place as 'favourite' for a long time.

So if you have a favourite now but justify that feeling with "But I never show it to the others", give it 20 years and you might find out you weren't quite as subtle as you think.

My dad told me a couple of years ago when he was pissed that one of my sisters was his favourite and he doesn't like how much I remind him of him.

I told him I preferred my step dad and I haven't spoken to him since. Some people don't deserve to have children.

I think things get harder to balance as they get older and are more defined individuals, when this quote from pratstick comes into play more still couldn't pick which to dump off a cliff but I bet you could pick one you'd rather spend the day with.

I think that's so true and probably why lots of parents say they don't have a favourite, but kids grow up feeling there is one. The challenge is balancing out that attention. I know that if I choose how I want to spend a day it's more likely to be things DS would enjoy, less what DD would enjoy. I actively make sure I plan days that align more to her interests, even if it's less my own.

I alot of people have been saying that they don't have favourites but feel like they have a better bond with one more than the others or they find one easier to get on with. That could be perceived as being a favourite by the other child.

Yes... which ever one is
the most quiet is my favourite. It is fairly fluid :-p

All the ones who said "Just look at the Stately Homes thread"- isn't it likely that MN, because it is a support forum, has an unusually high number of posters who do feel unfairly treated? Just like the proportions of children with SN or of gifted children are probably not all that representative of overall numbers.

I certainly don't remember starting any threads about my mum loving me just as much as my brothers (which I am convinced she did and still does).

My mum had 3 children.
She always says 'i have a favourite older daughter, a favourite younger daughter and a favourite son'
All three of us 😂

Yes, dd2

Ever since she was a baby, sleeps, eats, does as she's told. She's also loving, and cuddly.

Dd1 however is a pita with sleep, eating and is a whinge bag. She's nearly 8 now, and has been hard work since day 1.