To match up dh's salary, not put more ?

[Kinderbonbon]

I earn more than him, I do pretty much everything in the house + childcare. We have a common account. Shall I put the same amount as him every month instead of always putting more ? He is always make me feel guilty...don't buy a new outfit because we are going out (I was not going too), don't buy this it's wrong (why from a personal point of view I can, I'm working 50 hours every week)

I want to change bank and only contribut to what is needed, no more AIBU ?

Yabu you both should put your full salary in and withdraw the same amount of monthly " fun" money.

Other option is you both put the same percentage of your salary in the joint account. ie 60% or so. And ask tell him to do some of the stuff around the house, or pay someone else to do it.

Joint account. Big mistake.

We have been together 35 years. Never had a joint account. Rough idea of what each earns as careers roughly parallel. Bills are split on an ad hoc basis, everything gets paid. We never argue about money , we never question what each other spends on ourselves.

He's making you feel guilty? Fuck that.

Separate accounts and transfer across the same amount as him.

Why are you doing everything in the house and childcare on top of a 50hrs a week, job? Surely that is the real issue? Prehaps you are displacing the focus from unfair domestic distribution to financial contribution?

If you were contributing more financially and he was contributing towards housework and doing childcare I'd think you were.

But he isn't. Fuck him.

You earn more of the money, you do most of the housework and you do most of the childcare. And he makes you feel guilty.

I assume he has some redeeming features that you haven't mentioned?

No money should be shared in a relationship. He's treating it as joint money so should you - stop being so tight on that front.
However - you are well within your rights to buy a few treats for yourself too.
For me the decision over spend should be equal too - here it isn't. You need to address this - if he says no to this let's spend here instead you need to get your way instead 50% of the time.
If you switch to just having your own money you'll short term solve the problem but you won't address the wider issue of him being a bit dictator like/controlling. Address this problem

I do pretty much everything in the house + childcare

Umm, I can't really think bout anything else until this has been explained, so why?

Can't get past the fact that you do everything in the house plus childcare, and work 50hrs a week! He sounds like a pig.

First thing I'd do with the 'extra' cash is pay cleaners, ironing people, Hello
Fresh food delivery etc

But you should both have same access to all the cash. So if you earn more, you put in more so you both end up with approx the same spends after bills.

When he shares the childcare and housework, the finances can be shared.
Till then, no.

What's the point of him being there?

Split the household outgoings in half and pay that each, keep the rest...probably start building a "LTB fund".

I don't see why when both the husband and wife work one should be paying for the majority of living expenses and the other pays the bare minimum because "all money is joint money".

do you think that's fair? he chucks in, for the sake of argument, 80% of everything he earns and you chuck in, for example 50% of what you earn?

You think its fair that one person pays 80% of the bills and rent and the other one pays 20%?

You should each be putting in 50/50 effort. So of you both work full time, you're both working as hard as each other.

You then need to share the household chores and children-related duties fairly.

One person earning more should benefit the family as a whole, not just the person whose job just happens to pay more.

You're supposed to be a team.

This is mumsnet.
It's all the mythical "Family Money "

You need to put all yours in the pot.
It's mumsnet law.

WELL BOLLOCKS TO THAT .
keep your own money !

It's not mythical family money, its how most families work.

Any partnership where one has lots of money and the other doesn't is inherently unequal and not much of a family mindset.

indigox because they're married and supposed to be working together for mutual benefit?

If a husband was an accountant, earning 75k, and the wife was a nurse, earning 30k, both working the same number of hours per week, do you think the wife should have to contribute the same amount of money per month towards bills as the husband, and leave herself with no money whatsoever after bills, while he has a £2000 to spend on whatever he likes?

We share all our income equally. Sometimes he's earned more, these days I earn more. It would be horrible to be in a relationship where if one partner earned more they kept the difference to spoil themselves.

Only on Mumsnet have I heard the expression Family Money.

Fwiw I earn 10 x my partner and I pay ALL the bills. He does loads of stuff in home maintenance.

Each household should decide for themselves

Tell him you'll think about it when you're not doing the grunt work too.

Putting more in & doing more to keep the home fires burning? Fuck that.

We have our own accounts and a joint account used for household stuff.

Dh earns 40% more than I do, so puts about 40% more into the joint account every month - i.e. I put in £1200 and he puts in £1700, iirc.

Pooling all your money together only works if you have similar attitudes towards money management - and I say that as someone who only has a joint account.

Both salaries go into the joint account and we do all of our spending out of it - there's no division of who gets what, it's a simple bills-get-paid-savings-go-out-rest-is-up-for-grabs on a first come first served arrangement. It works for me and DH because we are very similar and our spending habits are pretty aligned.

However I would not recommend this at all if you have differing attitudes to money. In which case I'd recommend a joint account - with no overdraft - for household bills including childcare and then you retain your own spending money in your own account. Your contributions should be proportionate - so if you earn 25% more then your contribution should be greater.

But this only works if you are BOTH pulling your weight in the house and with chores. If you're already working FT then why isn't he pulling his weight? You need to address this issue as well as the financial share.