Or was this other woman at the Summer Fair

[PTANameChange]

I'm baffled as to whether or not I'm unreasonable. I don't think I am but prepared to hear all viewpoints.

I am a relatively new PTA chair, having taken over from a truly wonderful one in September. Historically, the chair has arranged the annual summer fun day, but this year the committee decided that it would be better that a different member took this responsibility as both would be too much. As such a SFD coordinator was assigned.

Today was the day. Unfortunately due to my husbands unchangeable work commitments, I wasn't able to volunteer for the whole day, but I did help last night, and at other preparations in the last few weeks. I also did manage to get my parents to take the DC for 1.5 hours so I could help for a little while. All the stalls were manned, so the coordinator asked me to 'float' and help where needed. I then spent that 1.5 hours traipsing around making sure stalls had everything they needed and asking if they needed help - nobody needed help. I asked a lot.

Then my DP had to leave so I had three Dc by himself so couldn't do much more than running stuff about, but still offered.

We hadn't had lunch, due to being there early to deliver stuff, so I got the DC a burger each from the BBQ and went to sit down with them and eat. Then they wanted to run around a bit and play so I let them and was watching (and still keeping an eye on stalls just in case). I was then approached by a lady who helps regularly for the PTA and was on the BBQ. She started shouting at me and was really in my face shouting about 'are you even on a stall? What have you even done for this whole day anyway?' She was very aggressive and intimidating. I didn't even get the chance to explain that I have:
Helped with donation organising.
Run around like a blue arsed fly making sure everyone was OK.
Stayed until 6pm helping set up last night. I had to leave then to pick up a tombola for them to use tomorrow.
Paid £40 of my own money, that still hasn't been reimbursed, for a lottery license. Chased this constantly as they were so slow.
Donated fuck loads.
Spent fuck loads.
Done several posters/newsletters.

I am not the Summer Fun Day coordinator!! I am doing the year 6 leavers BBQ. Well I was. That's in addition to, drafting minutes/agendas, helping at every single disco, helping for all Christmas shopping day prep and on the day.

All whilst parenting 4 children, three of whom have some element of additional needs that have required multiple school appointments, referrals etc. I have also had to help my sick mother, who has a brain tumour, with a 3 year old at home most days. Oh and actually sleep at some point.

Is it me or is it completely fucking unreasonable of her to A) question my contribution B) scream at me in front of stallholders and my own children C) wander off, clearly slagging me off to all and sundry.

What the actual fuck? Would I be justified in quitting now. I am not fucking working with that. Would you go in and explain all this to the headteacher on Monday? (I wasn't approaching her with it today, what with how a public event is completely the wrong fucking time to do that!!) I'm livid.

Why are you quitting? You're the chair! Kick her out, the obnoxious bint!

God it's stuff like this that makes me want to avoid PTAs forever! Of course she wbu.

I would quit. AND I would nominate her as next years chair!

I wouldn't involve the head teacher, I would sort it out within the PTA.

Had that been me I would have told her where to get off and ceased volunteering immediately until I had had an apology.

Really, don't stand for this crap.

I'll bet she doesn't really know what mortification feels like until she turns up at the school gate on Monday ...

I did actually leave pretty much immediately. I was too upset and angry to stay around her. My DS needed first aid after a fall soon after, and she was honestly stropping around inside the school and clearly slagging me off to other volunteers.

I feel the head needs to know, because actually she shouted her mouth of in front of an independent trader, which gives an incredibly bad impression.

TBH I think you have nothing to worry about. Everyone will think she's a complete arse. I would just steer clear of the PTA and she will get her comeuppance in the end.

Might be worth explaining to the previous person what's going on and getting a sounding though, if you are worried.

Don't involve the head unless you really need to and let the fact that this all kicked off in public go. Have a quiet chat with some of your friends and see what they think... I would just carry on, if you are prepared to. Perhaps see if she wants to have a chat to clear the air in a couple of days. I would run the idea that she would like to take the role of chair past her and if she says yes, I would let her and walk away with yoru dignity intact after the end of the school year. Pick a couple of events you want to help with next year and join in with all of the wine drinking!

I reckon this woman has a touch of the green eyed monster. She clearly wants to occupy your position, most likely not really understanding the amount of work involved but would love the "title" and saw an "opportunity" to try and discredit you. However, she has failed miserably and now looks like a mad hatter and I'll bet others will actively avoid her. If you enjoy what you do, and from what you've said I think you're bloody amazing, then don't give her the satisfaction of resigning but do approach the Head, very calmly, and explain how unacceptable for all concerned this woman's outburst was. Good luck whatever you decide.

ParanoidBeryl were you watching Inferno on Sky last night by any chance?!

Does this woman want to be head of the PTA OP? There definitely seems to be a massive element of 'I can do better than you'.

Of course you need to decide whether you're going to resign and let her!

I'd definitely try (in a low key 'FYI' sort of way) to mention it to the head though. It needs nipping in the bud somehow. Alternatively I'd just talk to the woman depending on whether you think a full and frank discussion might get her to wind her neck in or just make things worse.

I'm so sorry this happened though OP. No wonder you're questioning whether it's worth the hassle being involved!

Sally no. What do you mean?

Its nothing to do with the head, you are the chair of the PTA.

I would email the PTA list thanking everyone for their hard work at the fair, and particularly the coordinator etc.

Then add a note (without naming the woman) that everyone on the PTA has other commitments and volunteers their time as and when they can, whether that is manning a stall at the fair, setting up, donating, posters, admin etc etc. Remind everyone that the PTA runs on goodwill and ask that everyone is treated with respect and politeness.

Then end with what a fabulous event it was, raised so much and the children loved it etc.

"A school governor is a very different role to PTA, they are simply interchangeable"
What does this mean?

Its nothing to do with the head, you are the chair of the PTA.8

Of course it is! They are ultimately responsible for events happening on school premises.

I think the poster meant they are not interchangeable.

Anyways, I didn't say they were, simply if she wants to do something useful to consider being a governor.

I, still not sure what value the pta provides, other than being a pita, but I guess the point is it provides funding schools are lacking by doing these events? Hence why they are becoming more important? If so that's valid, although I suspect there is better ways to do it and no need for all this angst.

Oh and I also wouldn't involve the head. It just makes the rep of the pta even worse, when you're reporting infighting and squabbling like the kids.

But they are not responsible for the behaviour of PTA members. THe pta chair is.

I would be emailing the head and the COG and making a formal complaint about her behaviour. You have plenty of witnesses and at the very least I think she should be warned that any further verbal aggression will result in a ban from school premises.
I think I'd also inform the PTA that you expect an apology from her and an undertaking that this will not occur again. You sound like a conscientious Chair and shouldn't have been subjected to this.

Good grief - this is the very reason why i dont get involved with pta stuff -

Bluntness - without a PTA at my school this year the children would have missed out on school trips, drama, sports and music workshops, playground equipment and new classroom furniture, books and equipment, and new toys for the before and after school clubs. Plus various discos, Halloween parties, leavers bbqs, new parent coffee mornings and the Christmas and Summer fair (which are always very well attended so I assume most people like them). That's the use and value of it.

YWNBU, she was.
You have to decide whether you want to keep going as the Chair of the PTA or not. If not, just don't stand for re-election in September. Don't resign. Explain, when asked, why you are not standing again as Chair and make it clear that as Chair, when events like this are organised, any complaints/issues need to be brought up with the SFD Coordinator who will then bring them to the attention of the Chair if they can't be resolved by the SFD.
I would write a letter to the Head explaining that while getting volunteers to help out at such events is a difficult job, it's a difficult job manning the stalls too but showing the school up in such poor light really cannot be condoned and this woman (I'm guessing she is a mum of a child in the school), has done just that to an independent trader by shouting her mouth off at you in front of same. It wouldn't be acceptable in a shop, so why would it be acceptable to do it at a school run event??
You are very disappointed in how this turn of events marred the otherwise successful day and that X amount of funds has been raised to go towards Y for the school. You are going to write a letter to the independent trader to apologise on behalf of the Parent Teacher Association for any poor impression they may have of the parents following this very embarrassing situation and you would like a written apology from the woman too, so that you can attach it to your letter.

She was clearly frazzled and drunk. I bet she feels very embarrassed today and everyone who heard her will have felt embarrassed for her.

Do involve the head for the reasons you give. Screaming bitch fights at a school event are a matter of concern. Only consider resigning if you actually want to. It sounds as if you are doing a great job.

To everyone saying this is why they won't get involved with the PTA please reconsider. As said above,mthe we events are LOVED by the majority of the children and raise funds for all the extras that make school fun.

My SIL who works very full time and has 3 DC, one aged only 2 is the PTA treasurer. They had their fair yesterday. She has spent weeks on this and one night last week stayed up until 3am sorting the floats and raffle etc. She simply could not get anyone to help her. After the fair she had to take all the money home and count it straight away because everyone wants to know how much has been raised. There are supposed to be two people there for this job but guess what....?

I've felt so very sorry for her as she is desperate to be a part of the school life as she can't help in the classroom etc but this has almost broken her. Please, please help. It can even be fun and Fairzilla is, luckily, an exception to the norm.

Three cheers for all the PTA people.

Woman up. She is very out of order and needs pulling up. If i was you I would take her to one side next week when things have calmed down and tell her in no uncertain terms that she was out of order (for all the reasons you've said). Dont quit! There are always people like this. Just keep calm and carry on.

I'd email all PTA members about zero tolerance policy on verbal abuse. As the incident occurred between members of PTA in front of pupils and on school grounds, the head must be briefed on inciden in Order to comply with existing school policies.