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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or was this other woman at the Summer Fair

83 replies

PTANameChange · 08/07/2017 19:42

I'm baffled as to whether or not I'm unreasonable. I don't think I am but prepared to hear all viewpoints.

I am a relatively new PTA chair, having taken over from a truly wonderful one in September. Historically, the chair has arranged the annual summer fun day, but this year the committee decided that it would be better that a different member took this responsibility as both would be too much. As such a SFD coordinator was assigned.

Today was the day. Unfortunately due to my husbands unchangeable work commitments, I wasn't able to volunteer for the whole day, but I did help last night, and at other preparations in the last few weeks. I also did manage to get my parents to take the DC for 1.5 hours so I could help for a little while. All the stalls were manned, so the coordinator asked me to 'float' and help where needed. I then spent that 1.5 hours traipsing around making sure stalls had everything they needed and asking if they needed help - nobody needed help. I asked a lot.

Then my DP had to leave so I had three Dc by himself so couldn't do much more than running stuff about, but still offered.

We hadn't had lunch, due to being there early to deliver stuff, so I got the DC a burger each from the BBQ and went to sit down with them and eat. Then they wanted to run around a bit and play so I let them and was watching (and still keeping an eye on stalls just in case). I was then approached by a lady who helps regularly for the PTA and was on the BBQ. She started shouting at me and was really in my face shouting about 'are you even on a stall? What have you even done for this whole day anyway?' She was very aggressive and intimidating. I didn't even get the chance to explain that I have:
Helped with donation organising.
Run around like a blue arsed fly making sure everyone was OK.
Stayed until 6pm helping set up last night. I had to leave then to pick up a tombola for them to use tomorrow.
Paid £40 of my own money, that still hasn't been reimbursed, for a lottery license. Chased this constantly as they were so slow.
Donated fuck loads.
Spent fuck loads.
Done several posters/newsletters.

I am not the Summer Fun Day coordinator!! I am doing the year 6 leavers BBQ. Well I was. That's in addition to, drafting minutes/agendas, helping at every single disco, helping for all Christmas shopping day prep and on the day.

All whilst parenting 4 children, three of whom have some element of additional needs that have required multiple school appointments, referrals etc. I have also had to help my sick mother, who has a brain tumour, with a 3 year old at home most days. Oh and actually sleep at some point.

Is it me or is it completely fucking unreasonable of her to A) question my contribution B) scream at me in front of stallholders and my own children C) wander off, clearly slagging me off to all and sundry.

What the actual fuck? Would I be justified in quitting now. I am not fucking working with that. Would you go in and explain all this to the headteacher on Monday? (I wasn't approaching her with it today, what with how a public event is completely the wrong fucking time to do that!!) I'm livid.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 08/07/2017 20:50

I wouldn't quit if it was something I enjoyed doing or thought was worthwhile for my children's education just because some woman was totally bonkers. I think it would depend on what the rest of the PTA thought. If it turned out they all secretly thought you were a slacker but were too polite to say, I'd be out of there. If they all rallied round and said 'yes, she's totally annoying and does that a lot' then took you off to the pub for a well-earned drink then I might stay.

barefoofdoctor · 08/07/2017 20:50

Don't leave unless you have had enough of being involved anyway. Sounds like you'd be a great loss to the PTA. Agree with PP re email, ccing in Drunk/Insane/Horrible Shouty Creature along with Head Teacher etc. I'll bet she is mortified to have thrown an epic paddy at a School Summer Fair!

Neutrogena · 08/07/2017 20:51

She sounds a b1tch. Ignore her. Everyone has bad days.
It's NONE of your business what other's think of you. Don't let them live in your head rent free

QuackDuckQuack · 08/07/2017 20:52

Might she have been drunk? Our summer fun day included lots of alcohol.

PuppyMonkey · 08/07/2017 20:52

Sorry completely missed the crucial bit in OP - I blame the Wine

So did the woman know who you are? Confused

I'd seriously just bin the lot of them off.

LockedOutOfMN · 08/07/2017 20:56

She was unreasonable. Don't worry. I hope the event raised lots of money and I'm sure everyone who attended had a great time.

Namechangetempissue · 08/07/2017 20:56

How did she react when you told her how much you had done? I would be furious. Who behaves like that at a summer fete in front of children? What an embarrassment. I would quit immediately and ask them to reimburse the money owed for lotto etc.

TeenAndTween · 08/07/2017 20:58

Don't do anything hasty, see how you feel in a couple of weeks.

BewareOfDragons · 08/07/2017 21:04

TBH, I would probably resign. But that's why I refuse to join the PTA clique at our school.

I would use your OP as a draft email, send it to the head and all the PTA members, resigning your post. Suggest loud-mouthed PTA volunteer take over as Chair for the remainder of the year since she obviously thinks she knows everything and how everything should be done.

Sadcatlady69 · 08/07/2017 21:04

You really need to ask if YABU??? Come on, she's a massively rude twat!!! Some good advice on here. Seriously think about following it. Good luck with the headteacher.

PTANameChange · 08/07/2017 21:04

Yes, Puppy she does as she also helps a great deal - which I'm very grateful for and have told her a lot.

Namechange I didn't even get a chance to point that out! She ranted at me whilst not letting me speak. I was trying to ask her not to shout at me with my children there and she just said 'we all have kids you know?!' Hmm
She then stropped off. I spotted the coordinator, who was popping to the nearest stall, and went to pull her aside to ask if my lack of help had irritated her and say I had every intention of staying to help clear up after (much easier to let the kids play on the field a bit, with less supervision, when it's not full of people) but then this woman stormed back over and started shouting at me some more for "starting in front of a stall.' I hadn't started anything, I'd barely managed to get the poor lady's attention to ask her for a second. I was going to step back, obviously, I only approached as that's where she was. The coordinator then had to haul crazy lady away and tell her to pack it in. Confused

The stall holder in question was lovely to me after as I apologised profusely. She said it wasn't my fault at all but I was mortified. Really mortified, not just MN mortified. Grin

OP posts:
Tigerlovingall · 08/07/2017 21:06

Me, I'd now, but now, be emailing that screeching cow, copying in the h/t and whoever else, detailing just what you've done to ensure the smooth running of the event, finishing with "I await your apology" - and wait,...

You certainly don't let it slideAngry

All the best, and Well Done, OP

PTANameChange · 08/07/2017 21:06

Sadcat I'm quite socially anxious at times and will now go over this all night worrying that everyone hates me. I wanted to see if people thought she'd have a point, if so I'll change my view/attitude.

OP posts:
Namechangetempissue · 08/07/2017 21:09

She sounds slightly unhinged to be honest (and I hate that word but it fits on this occasion). I'm presuming like others have, that she had had one too many Pimms? Having to be dragged off is pretty bonkers over a school fete. It does sound like others sided with you though which is good at least!

Heartoverheadhouse · 08/07/2017 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Namechangetempissue · 08/07/2017 21:10

I would also message the headteacher over this -it was threatning.

HeyRoly · 08/07/2017 21:10

I await your apology

Oh yes, that is perfect. Make sure you do that.

I can't believe the crazy bint blew up at you like that. It was a school fete running smoothly - what on earth was her problem?

Fuck that.

Dollypartonsbra · 08/07/2017 21:13

People get so flipping get up about these things. We have our own Drama Llamas at our school.
I wouldn't quit if I were you unless you wanted to. Don't let someone else's bad day ruin this for you.
It would be good to raise this in the next meeting when everything has calmed down and she will hopefully apologise. As her behaviour will look as unreasonable to her then as it is to you now.
These jobs are thankless, but shouldn't involve being shouted at in public especially in front of yours and other children.
It will be difficult, but it needs to raised with her.

TeenAndTween · 08/07/2017 21:14

Or, rise above it, don't engage with ranty woman apart from smiling and saying hello. Unfailingly polite.

ParanoidBeryl · 08/07/2017 21:17

I do love a unanimous YWNBU.

(I was on a AIBU the other day, and it was also unanimous, but the other way Grin. OP was AIBU? MN: Yes, without a doubt! OP: No, MNers, I am going to continue to drip feed to try to make me sound less unreasonable Grin)

Anyhow, I don't think PTAs were around in Dante's time, otherwise they would have had their own circle of hell. The woman was completely out of order, but how did everyone else react? Did anyone approach you to see if you were OK? Has anyone contacted you since to see if you were OK? Has drunk as a skunk shouty woman apologised to you? I think that would colour any decision on what to do next.

Sadcatlady69 · 08/07/2017 21:18

Awww PTA, sorry to hear that. Categorically YANBU, she is. Please try not to give this too much head space now. I hope we've been able to give you some peace of mind.
Get your email drafted and sent, then park this until you get a response from the head. Sending you a big un-mumsnetty HUG.

Bluntness100 · 08/07/2017 21:19

Maybe it's just me, but am I the only one who doesn't see the point of a pta?i managed to take my daughter all the way through school and totally ignore them. I can't believe I'm the only one?

Be a school governor, but my advice would be give the pta up.the events are generally a pain in the ass for most parents anyway, who would rather do other things on a weekend than attend these events.

And this petty politics is just bizzare. Walk away and do something useful.

ParanoidBeryl · 08/07/2017 21:21

X post with update.

TeenAndTween · 08/07/2017 21:23

bluntness PTAs are getting more important during times of school budget cuts in funding extras. A school governor is a very different role to PTA, they are simply interchangeable.

OP. Don't do anything hasty. One idiot shouldn't stop you continuing if you usually find it enjoyable/rewarding.

AHobbyaweek · 08/07/2017 21:25

Don't quit but also don't let it slide. I would also decline all help from her in the future.