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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about my ill sister who's staying with me? I want to shake her.

70 replies

TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 18:02

I don't really want to hurt her, I wouldn't lay a finger on her. I'm just so concerned and frustrated. I feel like she's going to get ill.

AIBU to be concerned that she's going to get a blood clot? She wasn't discharged from hospital with the TED stockings but I don't think they imagined she'd lie immobile all day either.

Sis is staying me following a major operation on her jaw. Before she had the op, I suggested it for 2 weeks so she wouldn't feel lonely and she accepted the offer. We knew she'd been in pain and unable to eat. What is unusual is her totally lack of ability to look after herself. I think it's a combo of the strong pain relief and the breakthrough pain. She won't come out of her room or bed really. She just hobbles to and from the toilet. I'm bringing her food and drink because otherwise, I'm sure she'd not eat. I'm paranoid she'll get a blood clot.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 08/07/2017 18:05

I don't think shaking her would help. It doesn't sound like she's doing it intentionally, rather she's in so much pain and discomfort it's all she can manage.

Original poster
TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 18:08

Oh no, it's not on purpose. Poor love feels like total rubbish. :( I am helpless to help her.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 08/07/2017 18:11

How long has she been discharged for ?

Eggandchipsfortea93 · 08/07/2017 18:12

Your posts don't add up, first you say that you want to shake her, then that she can't help it and you really sympathise. Do you think she's malingering, or not? Have you tried talking to her at all about how she feels? Have you thought of getting the doctor in to check on her, or calling them for advice? Not sure what your motive are for posting with such a contentious title Hmm

JakeBallardswife · 08/07/2017 18:14

It's a sibling relationship, what's not to understand? Love one minute, annoying the next. Sounds like you're being fab OP. Encourage her, lots of sleep she'll be up soonish. Stay on top of her meds.

Penfold007 · 08/07/2017 18:17

How long is it since she had her op?

pudcat · 08/07/2017 18:18

When did she have the op. Anaesthetic can make you feel dreadful. My son hardly moved for 2 days after his major ear op. He couldn't eat or drink properly because he was in so much pain. Plus the pain killers can make you feel dreadful. Pain in your head is dreadful. When I had canal root treatment I hardly moved for 24 hours

Original poster
TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 18:18

She's been home 2 weeks. She can't go back to her home yet and I can't take DC as school has broken up.

Of course she's not malingering. Shock I'm shocked that my frustration and fear would come across to anyone like thus. She's on loads of pain meds, I said so unthread and I think it's contributing. I don't think I realised she'd been in so much pain. This was unexpected to me and I'm worried, yes you do want to shake people even when they're ill. Fear that she'll die of a clot does that to you!

Sis isn't keen on the dr but agreed that we should phone her surgeon's secretary on Monday just to pass on a message.

Shall I order TED stockings for her?

OP posts:
Original poster
TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 18:20

The op was 2 weeks ago and she's def drowsy as it was long anaesthetic. She's on loads of regular pain meds and as well as extra 'rescue' medication which is she absolutely needing. The wound is healing well and the nurse said she has no concerns about it.

OP posts:
ShinyGirl · 08/07/2017 18:22

Your first post sounded like you thought she was acting up.

Poor thing sounds in pain, have you been in touch with outpatients?

Cuckingfunt1981 · 08/07/2017 18:32

She should be more mobile after 2 weeks? She is probably loving all the attention and maid service.a bit tough love may help. My dad was in intensive care this time last week after having major abdominal surgery and even she is managing to do stuff for herself . She is still in hospital but manages to walk good distances and showers herself etc . 2 weeks post op she shud be out her bed

Cuckingfunt1981 · 08/07/2017 18:32

Dd not dad

Original poster
TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 18:33

No no, this came across badly. For clarity; I absolutely do not think she's acting up, malingering or anything over than much iller than we expected. I can't get her to see this is worrying but maybe she's too drugged up?

I managed to convince her that we need to phone on Monday because this isn't ok and she's bounced back from other surgeries before and she's not herself.

I know I came across badly and I want to shake her in a "please get better, I'm so fucking worried, little sis" way, not in a "you're faking" way.

OP posts:
MudCity · 08/07/2017 18:34

Call the GP / NHS 111. If she is still in pain despite taking medication, you need medical advice.

Frazzle76 · 08/07/2017 18:36

Whatever type of major jaw surgery she's has she should be up and about by now. Even major head and neck cancer patients are up and about now and starting to reduce pain meds. Def doctor and review with her surgeon.

PerspicaciaTick · 08/07/2017 18:37

I would't get her the stockings, but I would try and get her medical advice on Monday.
I am surprised that the pain is still so uncontrolled 2 weeks after discharge. Does her consultant think she is in less pain and is more mobile than she actually is?

BloodWorries · 08/07/2017 18:37

I'd be worried about blood clots too!
Whilst it might seem harsh if she is eating/drinking okay then I'd start encouraging her to come and eat downstairs with you as much as possible. Even coming out of her room and sitting in a different position will help to begin with. But also yes, definitely get on to her surgeon. I'm not sure about the operation but being in so much pain 2 weeks on doesn't seem right, but then if they gave her enough painkillers for that long maybe it is.

Cuckingfunt1981 · 08/07/2017 18:38

My dad had a caraniotomy for removal of glioblastoma brain tumour and was up and about after 3 days. I know everyone is different but she is taking the PISS !!

Ivory200 · 08/07/2017 18:39

Just have a look at the pain meds, if they are codeine heavy they may be playing havoc with her thought processes, and zonking her out too much to get up and move. She may need a different prescription.

SnugglyBedSocks · 08/07/2017 18:41

Is she actually in pain? If not then she needs to start reducing her opiate intake

averythinline · 08/07/2017 18:44

Seriously she doesn't sound right....87yr old granddfather was in his pins 24hrs after hip replacement.... admittedly it was slow after that but the mega painkillers were stopped after a few days....I would definitely seek medical advice

Original poster
TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 18:46

Cucking I'm not really doing anything "maid like" for her. She sleeps all the time. She can get water from the tap and doesn't want to eat.

OP posts:
Ollivander84 · 08/07/2017 18:47

I know everyone recovers differently but I was up and walking/making food and drink the day after a 5hr spinal surgery. Doesn't sound right

Original poster
TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 18:48

She looks visibly in pain, when I peer in, she'd be squirming not knowing I was there. They said to expect pain and to expect the need for the medications. I just think they're making her a zombie which is a huge blood clot risk.

Dsis has had other surgeries and has never been like this. She's a right pain in the arse to keep still, at the best of times.

OP posts:
AddictedToDrPepper · 08/07/2017 18:52

Is there any chance she has an infection?