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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about my ill sister who's staying with me? I want to shake her.

70 replies

TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 18:02

I don't really want to hurt her, I wouldn't lay a finger on her. I'm just so concerned and frustrated. I feel like she's going to get ill.

AIBU to be concerned that she's going to get a blood clot? She wasn't discharged from hospital with the TED stockings but I don't think they imagined she'd lie immobile all day either.

Sis is staying me following a major operation on her jaw. Before she had the op, I suggested it for 2 weeks so she wouldn't feel lonely and she accepted the offer. We knew she'd been in pain and unable to eat. What is unusual is her totally lack of ability to look after herself. I think it's a combo of the strong pain relief and the breakthrough pain. She won't come out of her room or bed really. She just hobbles to and from the toilet. I'm bringing her food and drink because otherwise, I'm sure she'd not eat. I'm paranoid she'll get a blood clot.

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 08/07/2017 18:53

I think she may very well be in a lot of pain (clearly she is) but if her op was on her jaw she shouldn't be hobbling about - you get that with an abdo op, but not a jaw op.
She may be feeling exhausted after the anaesthetic - it can take a while to get out of your system, but if she was in hospital they would be making her get up and walk a bout each day - it's certainly not good for her to have taken to her be.

What pain killers and what dose is she on ? High dose codeine based things can make you very sleepy - she probably needs to be cutting down now and if the pain isn;t improving at all, she ought to go back and have things checked - maybe she has some sort of infection or something.

rinabean · 08/07/2017 18:57

it doesn't sound good and you need proper medical advice, not people's guesses here however well-intentioned

It's not normal for this op or for your sister: it's not normal. It is potentially very serious. I know you want to shake it out of her and/or kiss it better but you can't. She needs medical attention. It's great that you've put her up because you can notice this and get her help. If she'd been on her own she may have continued like this for longer. I know it's the weekend and you don't want any of this but you really need to get her a doctor

number1wang · 08/07/2017 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Troels · 08/07/2017 18:57

2 weeks in, she needs to get moving, walking and moving isn't going to hurt her jaw, and she should bee moving or she is putting herself at risk for a clot. When I worked on a surgical ward we had people up washed and in the chair the next day/morning after surgery, and walking about ASAP after that. Going back for naps is OK, so ling as she gets up and spends some time sitting in the armchair. Call the Doctor she shouldn't take this long. Maybe she has an infection.

GlitterGlue · 08/07/2017 19:05

That doesn't sound right at all. Does she have a temperature? If not are you sure she needs all the medication? I've known relatives insist on taking the medication for breakthrough pain 'just in case', which isn't helpful.

ditavonteesed · 08/07/2017 19:06

honestly if she is in that much pain you need to get her medical help, call 111 and see what they say, or call the ward but the ward will prob tell you A&E or GP walk in service thingemy. If she is not eating she may need some supplements to give her a bit more energy. What operation has she had?

Original poster

TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 19:21

I went in and said she should join us for dinner. It's cooler downstairs and she can sit and have her Ensure while we eat. Sis agreed to come down. She doesn't look like herself and I said we should call NHS 111 and she didn't protest. Her temp is 37.9 so I'm wondering if she is brewing an infection. The wounds look good but neither of us are doctors.

I'm a bit cross that she didn't agree a few days ago to let me take her to the walk-in clinic but she's an adult, albeit a young one. She is worse this time than her last operation but I assumed it would be as this is the biggest one yet.

OP posts:

Slimthistime · 08/07/2017 19:25

I did this for weeks after spinal injury
Was asleep a lot
I gave myself a little stretch occasionally
Bounced back to running and everything
Doc never worried about clot
Also the shock and depression hit me hard
Doc opinion key here

I know now that my sister was vomiting with the stress of it - she was asked to watch me for signs of paralysis after release - so I do feel for you.

Original poster

TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 19:28

I do think she might be depressed, which isn't helping. She was dreading this surgery and being off work. Also, she looks very...different. It must be hard to accept that even though it's temporary. I desperately wanted her to get some mental health help before this final surgery but she just wouldn't. That said, I know it needs to come from her and when she's ready to face it. It's hard to watch someone you love suffer both emotionally and physically. I'm so fucking glad I insisted that she stays with us. She shouldn't be alone with this.

OP posts:

tweezers · 08/07/2017 19:31

You sound very worried. Don't wait for her to get around to calling GP. It sounds like she's not up to it and may drag out or delay. Call the NHS numbers suggested above for advice. She might need some antibiotics or be reacting to the painkillers. You don't know but if you think she should be recovering by now and isn't then its better to find out rather than worry until Monday. Best of luck to you and your sis.

tweezers · 08/07/2017 19:33

sorry crossed posts. Hope they help x

user1498550798 · 08/07/2017 19:39

Your poor poor dsis, it sounds awful. Thank goodness you are there for her.

My approach after any procedure where you expect pain is not to hesitate to get expert urgent help is the pain seems greater than it should be. Recovery is hard even when all goes well, so they advise you to expect that yes, but also it often does not all go well. Complications such as infection may well be going on. I would try to get advice tonight, maybe start with a call to the ward where she was post op. Or 111. In the end if you are not happy insist on out of hours GP appointment at local hospital or A and E.

GlitterGlue · 08/07/2017 19:45

Given that she has a slightly raised temp I think you should seek medical advice sooner rather than later.

BalthazarsBellyButton · 08/07/2017 19:46

Just wanted to offer my two pennies...
I dislocated my jaw Xmas last year, happened whislt sleeping an unfortunate minority have it happen. The pain was indescribable, it radiated from my jaw down the whole left side of face/neck/head. Childbirth was less painful.

I spent 2 weeks in hospital drugged to eyeballs on endone and morphine, then spent a further two weeks bed bound at home. All I could manage was a shuffle to the bathroom and rarely showered. The pain takes over everything, the jaw has so many muscles and nerves that can be affected. Please don't discount the level of pain she may be in or her abilities to care for herself just yet. It took 3 months for me to gain the ability to care for myself again.

vikingprincess81 · 08/07/2017 19:46

My only advice is call 111 - you say she didn't protest so did you go for it?
Re TED stockings - no, she had an op on her jaw 2 weeks ago, she should be more mobile than she is. I'm not saying there are not and issue or she's faking or anything horrible, just explaining why she didn't get TEDs at discharge.
Uncontrolled pain should be covered on her discharge letter - you got it?

vikingprincess81 · 08/07/2017 19:47

There are not any issues or she's faking*

Usernom1234567890 · 08/07/2017 19:50

If she's had an operation like an osteotomy (guessing this is the op because Dsis looks so different?), then it's very major surgery & she will definitely be in a heck of a lot of pain at 2weeks post op. She's probably still massively swollen /numb too?

The best thing to do , in view of her high temp, is to ring the hospital ward where she was an in-patient and ask for advice tonight. Doesn't matter that the wound looked fine the other day, things can change very quickly.Try to speak to the on-call maxillo-facial oral surgery doctor , failing that the ward charge nurse or ward sister.

Good luck OP, the psychological impact of an osteotomy should not be underestimated-do try explore the option of a psychology hospital referral.

Thing is OP, once all her swelling goes down& pain /numbness settles-she'll more than likely look & be able to bite so much better-this difficult time will all be a horrible memory.

misscarlar · 08/07/2017 19:51

I had heart surgery and was discharged with Ted stockings for 28 days.
Did they say how long she'd be immobile for? I found I felt very sick on and off for almost 3 weeks after

Shiftymake · 08/07/2017 19:54

I have had a few operations myself and can assure you that it took me to week 3-4 before I started to feel a bit better. When one is in hospital you can get stronger meds which would explain why some are bouncing around week 2. I was bouncing around myself while in hospital... until I got home with weaker meds. Contact the doctor on Monday and see if anything else can be given to help her.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 08/07/2017 19:56

Please do call 111. Especially with the temperature. It's what they're for.

LorLorr2 · 08/07/2017 20:04

It does sound like she's feeling low in mood along with the pain. People can have different reactions to surgery and anaesthetic, particularly with the temporary change of not being at work which can make you feel more rubbish if you are the type who's normally fit and busy. You sound like a great sis to have her to stay, sounds like it's much needed.

lucyandpoppy123 · 08/07/2017 20:12

You can absolutely have a severe infection and yet the wound looks fine, the infection is often in your bloodstream rather than at the wound site. I'd go to A&E tbh it's not normal to feel like that weeks after an op

lucyandpoppy123 · 08/07/2017 20:12

Although infection would be my first concern, at the hospital they can give anti clotting injections and give stockings

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 08/07/2017 20:27

Definitely get her to a walk in clinic or A&E, frankly. After major reconstructive surgery on a leg, I literally couldn't walk, was discharged with no anti-clotting injections or tablets and promptly got a clot, which was worse than the surgery pain. It's a real risk, although I would've expected it to show before two weeks. The doctor will scan her if they're worried about a clot if it's not an obvious one in the leg, for example.

If she's on oramorph or tramadol, she is probably feeling like shit. Tramadol made me hallucinate and puke after just two tablets. Morphine made me feel very 'out of it' but I wasn't on it for more than a few days, on a push button thing, serious stuff. Poor girl, she's probably living in twilight land.

Livness12 · 08/07/2017 20:40

What type of operation did she have?

I had jaw surgery to correct an underbite when I was 16, but if she's managing to eat the food you bring her it sounds like that side of things is at least recovering reasonably?

It definitely sounds like a trip to the walk-in clinic or a talk with the surgeon/consultant she was under would be worthwhile, she sounds like she's feeling very poorly.

Whilst it may be irrelevant here, I was extremely anaemic following my jaw surgery, and struggled with doing anything for weeks because I was so exhausted (especially with then having to live off only milkshakes for weeks) that I just slept constantly. Has she been checked for anything like that since?

How's she doing with the jaw pain? Again, although it's been a couple of weeks, if she's not already, some things that helped me were: Sleeping more upright than usual (sitting at first) - the fear of having my jaw touched and that pain was horrible, and it did take a while psychologically to build up to 'normal' things again. And hot drinks helped, either tea or just hot water. (Hot salt water to rinse mouth was really soothing too).

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