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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about my ill sister who's staying with me? I want to shake her.

70 replies

TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 18:02

I don't really want to hurt her, I wouldn't lay a finger on her. I'm just so concerned and frustrated. I feel like she's going to get ill.

AIBU to be concerned that she's going to get a blood clot? She wasn't discharged from hospital with the TED stockings but I don't think they imagined she'd lie immobile all day either.

Sis is staying me following a major operation on her jaw. Before she had the op, I suggested it for 2 weeks so she wouldn't feel lonely and she accepted the offer. We knew she'd been in pain and unable to eat. What is unusual is her totally lack of ability to look after herself. I think it's a combo of the strong pain relief and the breakthrough pain. She won't come out of her room or bed really. She just hobbles to and from the toilet. I'm bringing her food and drink because otherwise, I'm sure she'd not eat. I'm paranoid she'll get a blood clot.

OP posts:
lobsterface · 08/07/2017 20:44

It's jaw surgery and she's been home 2 weeks. Either something is wrong or she needs tough love. Speak to her gp

Original poster
TenerifeSea · 08/07/2017 21:13

We're being called back by a GP. Fingers crossed they can do something! She was discharged with a week's worth of antibiotics which have obviously finished

She said that face/head pain is overwhelming and you can't focus on anything - even looking at something hurts but also closing your eyes hurts. She also said that even smashing her leg and having it surgically repaired was easier than this. Even if there is a psychological element, she's at risk of a blood clot. I want her to be seen.

I gave her a gentle emotional shake Wink telling her that she needs to be seen and we need to get better and I can't let her lie in bed, not improving without her being seen by someone.

The surgery was to remove her entire jaw joint and replace it with a metal and plastic one. It's a pretty full-on operation. I knew she'd feel shit but my main worry is her lack of ability to just do anything; talk, sit, shower, drink and eat.

OP posts:
Neome · 08/07/2017 21:19

Really glad you're getting medical advice

kaytee87 · 08/07/2017 21:49

Poor soul, sounds like a tough operation.
I hope the gp calls back soon.

Katinkka · 08/07/2017 21:51

Poor woman. She's lucky to have you.

GhostCurry · 08/07/2017 22:04

My husband had surgery on his nose and was in recovery for a few weeks. He says the same thing - that it's impossible to focus on anything, and he generally felt awful. I kept trying to give him books or movies to watch and he just couldn't engage in anything.

Good news about the GP, hope they can help. And remind her that this will be over soon, it won't be forever.

Becca83 · 08/07/2017 22:11

I had a double jaw surgery last year and I have to say that the pain is indescribable. 3 days in labour had nothing on it! I was on morphine for about a week.
However, I was up and about after about 5 days and was out of the house and getting back to normal after around a week to 10 days. Staying in bed just makes it worse!

She needs to get up and mobile to help with her recovery. If she's still in that much pain, I would suggest that something isn't right and she needs to get to a Dr.

SunnySideDownUp · 08/07/2017 22:18

I had major jaw surgery a few years back and was up and at it quite quickly, a bit too quickly. She needs to be eating, can you get some high calorie shakes from her doctor or the pharmacy? Not eating (especially on strong painkillers) will make recovery tougher.

I'd definitely call up to get her reviewed, maybe even a home visit from ooh gp if she's not mobile? It doesn't sound right at all.

Thinkingblonde · 08/07/2017 22:20

I've had major surgery on my jaw, an osteotomy, an operation that lasted several hours, mine took seven hours. I was so swollen I was unrecognisable. A radiographer asked me if I'd been in a car crash! My jaws were wired shut which meant that I couldn't eat, which in turn made me weak, I weighed six stones by the time the wires came off eight weeks after the operation. Followed by a further eight weeks of physio to enable me to open my mouth open wide enough eat. There was numbness too, understandable after the facial nerves being held out of the way for several hours. The numbness too over a year to wear off.
I was in hospital for two weeks, I was nervous when I came home, I felt vulnerable for some reason.

flumpybear · 08/07/2017 22:27

That doesnt sound right - what's her temperature? I'd get her to a doctor as major surgery for me, at two weeks I'm super active in comparison ... as are friends

flumpybear · 08/07/2017 22:29

Ok her temp is fairly high (sorry just reread your comments) - phone 111 for professional advice

Patchouli666 · 08/07/2017 22:59

What pain relief is she on?

Original poster
TenerifeSea · 09/07/2017 09:53

Long night and not long back, desperate for some sleep. Dsis got admitted to their 48 hour assessment unit. They re-started antiBs and put her on IV fluids. Chest sounds a little bit crackly but x-ray was clear. Wound doesn't look problematic but they will get specialist maxillofacial surgeons to check her. Admitting Dr said it wasn't anything specific that he could put his finger on but the whole picture was a bit worrying.

Thank you for the kick up the arse in realising this wasn't right. Dsis can be....erm, stubborn when it comes to her health and she had a little angry shout/cry at me when she found out she was being admitted. I managed to keep my cool but had a furious cry in the car on the way home. We love each other but clash as we're stubborn and similar.

She's in the right place and perhaps our father bother to visit his daughter but I doubt it. Hmm She may be an adult but she's 19 and has spent the last few years undergoing multiple surgeries as a result of a horrible accident, she needs him. I'm going off topic but I'm furious at the world.

OP posts:
number1wang · 09/07/2017 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trickycat · 09/07/2017 13:29

OP well done for getting help for her. It sounds a lot to deal with and 19 is really very young. Hope you get some rest.

Troels · 09/07/2017 13:44

Aww bless her, I hope she recovers quickly now with some Antibiotics and some more hospital care.
She'll thank you when she's suddenly feeling better because of this second hospital visit.

CiderwithBuda · 09/07/2017 13:53

Poor thing. It sounds horrendous. She is lucky to have you. She is still very young.

You def did the right thing. Hopefully they can sort her out.

kaytee87 · 09/07/2017 14:12

Op you sound like an amazing sister, she's so lucky to have you. She's in the best place and I'm sure she'll be on the mend soon.

ImACompleteCyclePath · 09/07/2017 14:27

I had a similar jaw operation last summer, so I really sympathise with your DSis! It's so frustrating not being able to eat at all - nothing like not eating for 2 weeks to make you grumpy!

Practical advice: I ordered a hilotherapy mask (essentially a mask with cold water running through it from ice packs in the cooling centre) which helped enormously with pain. Also was brilliant for bringing the swelling down. I think you can hire them online for a week or two - will see if I can find a link.

In terms of food, I found scrambled eggs and mashed avocados a godsend - SO much better than those horrid 'build up' type drinks.

Your sister is so lucky to have someone like you looking after her, she's through the worst now hopefully!

GhostCurry · 15/07/2017 21:11

How is your sister, OP?

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