Do your children say please and thank you?

[Whichwayyisup]

My friend has 2 dcs aged 7 and 9.

They are nice enough children in that they don't swear or hit (although they hit each other quite a lot!) but they don't seem to have a grasp of manners.

They rarely engage in conversation with adults but will interrupt conversations to get their mum's attention. They will either just stare at anyone who tries to engage with them or completely ignore.

Also they never say please or thank you. I bought them an ice cream this afternoon and they both just grabbed it from my hands.

Friend didn't say anything. Just smiled indulgently and praised them for being hungry and eating well

AIBU to think that they are old enough to have some basic manners?

DD8 has lovely manners - I think it's quite a basic thing but important. Did your friend really praise her children for being hungry?!

My 20 month old DD says thank you. Hasn't quite grasped please yet.

I hold onto what ever it is till the child says thank you....

No thank you, then they dont get it. Simple

My eldest 2 are rubbish. Especially when they're 'busy'. My eldest has major issues with ceremony, hello's, goodbyes and thankyou for inviting me's. Too literal.

My just turned 2 year old has incredible auto pilot manners and people adore her for it.

One of my BFFs thinks her DD has BEAUTIFUL manners (and would say, if asked, that she always insists on pleases and thank yous, and will tell you the stories of how they drummed this message home to the beautifully mannered DD).

Their child is completely rude. She uses please and thank you to her parents most of the time, and never to anyone else (they don't notice this, although will point out to others when she uses it to them). The only time she DOESN'T use it to her parents is when they're anxious "oh, DD, you've not had a drink for hours, would you like juice or water" their dd "I'll have juice".
They literally don't notice this. LIke, they literally don't see it. I watch it and think "how could you NOT see this????"

I used to be a foster parent, and I massively noticed when the foster kids didn't user their manners. AT the time my DD was younger, but as she got to be their age, it didn't bother me in the same way. I think it doesn't.

We had a friend from overseas to stay and he brought his twin DDs. Who never once said please or thank you. Or flushed the loo. I thought they were the rudest kids I'd ever met ("Daddeee.... Hungreeee" and dad used to bustle into the kitchen to get them a snack)
A few years later, and my DD wasn't flushing the loo either. I genuinely found it charming.... her little wee, with her little tissue. I thought it was cute. This is the meaning of parent-goggles. I think it's mother nature's trick to ensure we don't strangle them. As parents, we LITERALLY are programmed not to notice or to minimise our kids' flaws.

As a foster parent, I had to grit my teeth if a kid didn't say please or thank you. As a birth parent, I barely noticed if i didn't and appreciated it if I got one.

Just saying....

How does that work Londonlass? They have to thank you before they get it. That makes no sense to me.

It works for physical thinks Ava you are handing over a drink or a biscuit and you don't let go of it until the recipient says thank you. There's a little tussle where both of you have hold of the biscuit, plate, cup, toy or whatever you're handing over iyswim.