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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset by this disabled mans behaviour?

143 replies

Greeeeenjuice · 07/07/2017 10:25

I work in a shop which is in a reasonably historic town, most shops are about 100 years old. We have a few steps leading up to our shop, there is no ground floor access

We have a glass front, and just now I heard a huge bang; almost hard enough to crack the glass. I went outside to find a man in a wheelchair, no bother, usually we have a chat outside and I go in to fetch their products. I am polite and help as much as I can.

But today all this man wanted to do was shout at me in front of loads of people about how we didn't provide for disabled people. I was really shocked. It isn't even my shop. Turned out he only wanted to check for a bit of lost property which we didn't have.

He then sped away and left me on the side of the road with a crowd of people watching. I think some of them think I'd been horrible to him.

AIBU to think this is not appropriate? A colleague thinks I am- that he had a right to be annoyed.

OP posts:

Sparklepants · 07/07/2017 10:29

Ofcourse he has the right to be annoyed that he can't access the shop because of his wheelchair.

He does not have the right to shout at you though. I wouldn't worry about people looking.

alltouchedout · 07/07/2017 10:30

He does have a right to be annoyed. And yes, there are some buildings where it would be all but impossible to provide access for people with disabilities. But why should he not be annoyed? Whether the building is old or not, he can't access it. He probably has to deal with this over and over again, it must be immensely frustrating and a constant reminder that his needs are not considered a priority by society. I'm sorry if you feel crap about it- being shouted at over an issue you personally have no control over isn't nice- but I totally understand his frustration.

MargaretTwatyer · 07/07/2017 10:34

YANBU. My father is in a wheelchair and it can be frustrating sometimes but it doesn't give you the right to behave like a twat.

Some people are horrible, and yes, some disabled people can be horrible people too. Being disabled doesn't suddenly make you a nice person if you're not.

CheeseOfHearts · 07/07/2017 10:36

I live near a town like this - nearly all the shops on the high street are listed buildings so aren't actually allowed to put in ramps or whatever to make them accessible. It's annoying that local councils prioritise an old building over actual people, but it's not the fault of the shop and certainly not the people who just work there. The man was rude, especially as he didn't even give OP the chance to be helpful (as she usually is) and obviously just wanted an excuse for a rant. Not your fault OP, and I daresay the people watching felt a bit bad for you more than anything.

RedStripeIassie · 07/07/2017 10:36

The thing is wheelchair users are people. Some people are nice and some are twats.

He does have every right to feel annoyed but no right to take it up with you.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 07/07/2017 10:38

He's NBU to be annoyed, but being rude, shouting and taking it out on someone who has no control over it is just being an arsehole. Disabled people can be knobs too.

Syc4moreTrees · 07/07/2017 10:39

We have a fold away ramp for our offices so you just bring it out when necessary and don't need to alter the building. Probably your shop could look into something like this?

boobybum · 07/07/2017 10:39

Why doesn't the shop have a ramp? Is there a sign outside explaining what to do if a person with a disability needs something - how can they attract your attention?
It's not your shop so who should customers speak to about these issues?
How did the man think he could have lost something in your shop if he can't get in?
Maybe he was rude but what does his disability have to do with it?

BarbarianMum · 07/07/2017 10:39

I think he has an absolute right to be annoyed. How many more hundreds of years are we going to use "historic buildings" as an excuse for excluding people? I'm sorry you are upset OP but you'll get over it pretty quickly. Meanwhile this is his life. Maybe if more of us able bodied people started shouting for change, things would happen faster?

BarbarianMum · 07/07/2017 10:41

Oh and why is there not even a doorbell to allow people in wheelchairs to attract your attention without having to bang on the glass? Again not your fault OP but why not siggest it to somebody?

Samcro · 07/07/2017 10:43

as the parent of an adult who is in a wheelchair....omg shops with no access are awful
he is right you don't provide for people like him

RhiWrites · 07/07/2017 10:44

The shop (and I'm afraid you as a representation) is unreasonable.

No ramp, no bell, no wag to access and your excuse is "the building is old and it's not my shop". Shouting is bad but imagine being this man and unable to access things other people take as a given?

Get a ramp and a bell and a sign that says: "if you have difficulty accessing this shop ring the bell and you will be assisted immediately".

LogicalPsycho · 07/07/2017 10:45

He WNBU to be frustrated he couldn't access the building due to his disability.

He WBVU to loudly berate a member of staff who has no control over the situation at hand.
In fact, he WBU to be shouting at you in the first place. Most public buildings have a policy of Zero Tolerance of abuse against their staff members
This gentleman isn't an exception to that rule.

MissionItsPossible · 07/07/2017 10:45

I am split firmly. Of course you shouldn't have been shouted at but unless you are disabled or have a disabled person in your life and see the frustrations they face on a daily basis then with inadequate buildings then you can't complain. FWIW with the amount of inadequate buildings and obstacles I would be fucking screaming and shouting on a daily basis. Hes lost some personal items and stressed and probably took twice the journey to get to your shop and once there can't even get into your shop to see if his belongings are safe? Poor guy :( poor you too though for being shouted at

kmc1111 · 07/07/2017 10:48

YANBU.

He has every right to be extremely annoyed that the shop has no access, but no right to do something that could cause property damage and then berate you when quite obviously you can't do anything about it.

I have a disability that makes many things hard and some things nigh on impossible. Where I think there's room for improvements I talk to owners, I talk to council, when warranted I may make a complaint. But I don't go around shouting at people just trying to do their jobs, and if I did the fact that I have a disability and a valid complaint wouldn't somehow excuse my terrible behaviour.

Gemini69 · 07/07/2017 10:49

Yes.. you are very entitled to feel upset...

sending hugs x

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2017 10:49

Your colleague didn't say he had the right to shout at you, they said he had the right to be annoyed.

Do you not agree with them OP?

MrsJayy · 07/07/2017 10:50

Did he really shout at you or was he just annoyed he couldn't get in and you were there i think he was right the shop you work for is not for all just those who are able historical buildings can and do have access mobile ramps is just one example

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 07/07/2017 10:52

OP, when you say there is no ground floor access do you mean there is wheelchair access elsewhere in the building, or that there is none at all?

DonkeyOaty · 07/07/2017 10:53

Access to buildings can be a flipping nightmare. I'm sorry you were shouted at.

Your colleague was right. We should all be annoyed that not all buildings are accessible.

yumyumpoppycat · 07/07/2017 10:54

Yanbu in as much as he shouldn't be shouting at you - but yabu not to have sympathy for the fact he is stressed and to really only be concerned about what people watching the incident thought of you, he probably has people staring at him navigating round these old buildings in his wheelchair on a daily basis and has given up caring what people think.

TheHatOfDoom · 07/07/2017 10:56

I'm a wheelchair user and you know I try to deal with things like a lack of access calmly but sometimes it's the straw that broke the camels back and calm is impossible.It's the 4th week running I've had to ask for the wild aisle checkout to be opened or its the member of staff who rolled their eyes last time I asked for help or its just a bad day for other reasons.

CheeseOfHearts · 07/07/2017 10:57

Samcro so, the person who a)doesn't own the shop so has no control over making adjustments to the building and b)doesn't have any control over local planning regulations regarding older buildings, is personally responsible for the lack of disabled access and deserves to be publically shouted at for it? Being frustrated is understandable but it is NEVER ok to be rude and shout at someone who has absolutely no control over the situation and helps in whatever way she can (as OP stated, she always helps by bringing things outside and chatting. Not ideal of course, but what exactly would you suggest?). Complain to the shop owner, complain to the council, absolutely. Verbally abusing the staff isn't acceptable.

Samcro · 07/07/2017 10:57

why pick on me??

Original poster

Greeeeenjuice · 07/07/2017 10:59

Sorry all I've phrased this really badly!!

OF COURSE I think he has a right to be annoyed- my colleague justified his shouting on the basis of this- is what I meant

OP posts:

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