To expect my husband not to try and drag me around?

[Makkapakkaupsydaisy]

My husband does this and it's royally pissing me off.

I'm upstairs in my bedroom staying out of dhs way because he's annoyed me. I don't really want to go into hat it's about because it's something and nothing really, I'm tired and hungry and we had a minor disagreement over what time we'd do something and I felt he didn't want to hear my point of view.

He's making dinner and comes upstairs wanting to know what's wrong. I tell him there's no point discussing it again and to just leave me be, but he keeps on. So I try to explain I'm annoyed over the timing of said thing, because it's now messed up other things. He's very dismissive about it and asks me to come downstairs.

Because I won't go downstairs he tries to pull me off the bed by my arms or legs to drag me downstairs because I'm 'being stupid'.

He does this if I 'go in a mood' as he calls it. I don't like it one bit, it's like he's trying to over power me.

He's not an abusive person in my eyes but thinks this trying to pull me around is ok if he thinks I'm being stupid.

makka that is abusive nice normal people don't manhandle other human beings like that.

I'm sorry OP but this is absolutely abusive behaviour.

Wtaf? Of course Yanbu.

Sounds very abusive to me. Sorry, but that sounds like physical assault.

How would you react if someone did this to you in the street ? You'd call the police because you were being assaulted wouldn't you ? Why is it ok to do this to you if it's from your husband ?

That's assault. And I would be telling him that if he EVER laid a finger on me again without my consent, that I'd be calling the Police and pressing charges.

He's treating you like an object. This is physical abuse.

I don't think he sees it that way because he's not doing it in anger he thinks he's messing around as if to say "come on don't be silly come downstairs".

He's not abusive in any other way, we've been together years and years and he's never hit me, never so much as raised his voice but thinks it's ok to try and tug me about.

He absolutely should not be manhandling you.

But it's incredibly infuriating to try and have a constructive relationship with someone who won't tell you what the matter is and hides away in a strop.

It sounds like you both need to work on your communication skills

Op this is abusive behaviour. Decent people do not do this when they argue with each other no matter how annoyed/annoying someone is!

What your partner is doing to you is wrong on.so many levels!

Is he an adult or a toddler? Ffs. Manchild.

In answer to the question, it is not acceptable to drag people around.

I wouldn't put up with that, my DH once stopped me from leaving a room during an argument by physically blocking my way. After the argument, I made it very clear to him that I wouldn't stand for him physically dominating me and that I felt intimidated by his actions.

I do this to my toddler if he is being unreasonable (refusing to have his nappy changed, refusing to stop jumping off the sofa etc) I would never dream of doing it to another adult!!

I know I'm sulking vet but there really was no point trying to discuss it again because he'd already made it obvious he didn't want to hear, and when I did try to tell him again he still didn't want to hear.

Man handling is not acceptable. End of.

So you've asked him to stop - what is his reaction when you tell him it's not acceptable ?

It's all a bit odd, really. Its a strange thing to do but you sound like you're having all sorts of problems really. What do you do when he pretends to pull you off? I'm just trying to
Understand this happening

Hm. My husband does something similar - if I get upset I prefer to isolate myself from everything, it's not a hugely healthy reaction tbh, but there we go. My husband, acting on his desire to soothe my hurt, tries to haul me into him for a big cuddle. He means well. But I hate it. I'm very small and it enrages me to be physically overpowered like that. I've explained this to him, and I don't think he gets it (being an averagely sized man it's unusual for him to be physically overpowered) but nevertheless he has stopped doing it, and instead says "Come here and have a cuddle?" It should be fairly easily resolved, if you can communicate calmly about it. Presuming he's not an abusive arsehole - if he is you'll find out from your conversation about I I should think.

I don't know, sometimes if I get annoyed over something, I find it easier to withdraw and take some breathing space rather than lock horns.

The initial disagreement really was something and nothing in the big scheme of things but had got to me, I needed to just quietly stew for a bit.

He seems to really believe that I want him to chase me about and that him trying to physically pull me downstairs is helpful.

He has now apologised but he's done this a few times now over the years, he's a big guy and although there I'm not afraid of him it's infuriating to be overpowered like that.

I said stop it and leave me alone but then had to almost shout "get off and leave me alone NOW" because he was trying to pull me off the bed by my arms first then by my legs.

He's jolly lucky you didn't kick him! If anyone tried to drag me off a bed by my legs, despite me saying not to, I'd be most likely to react physically to stop them.

When things have calmed down tell him explicitly that you do not like this manhandling and why. He may not get it, he may think he's being playful but hopefully will stop doing it.

I too have a large OH and he used to loom over me, pick me up, smother me etc and thought it was affectionate in a manly way. He has stopped this after a few choice words from me. It can be disempowering and annoying but I wouldn't say it was abusive.

What does it matter to him if you go downstairs or not?

My husband would leave me to it!

Although I would have locked the door!

He's not an abusive person in my eyes

Um, yes, he is. It's just camouflaged behind a veneer of 'playfulness'.

Next time, in your shoes, I'd be tempted to see how a sharp kick in the bollocks goes down....