To expect my husband not to try and drag me around?

[Makkapakkaupsydaisy]

My husband does this and it's royally pissing me off.

I'm upstairs in my bedroom staying out of dhs way because he's annoyed me. I don't really want to go into hat it's about because it's something and nothing really, I'm tired and hungry and we had a minor disagreement over what time we'd do something and I felt he didn't want to hear my point of view.

He's making dinner and comes upstairs wanting to know what's wrong. I tell him there's no point discussing it again and to just leave me be, but he keeps on. So I try to explain I'm annoyed over the timing of said thing, because it's now messed up other things. He's very dismissive about it and asks me to come downstairs.

Because I won't go downstairs he tries to pull me off the bed by my arms or legs to drag me downstairs because I'm 'being stupid'.

He does this if I 'go in a mood' as he calls it. I don't like it one bit, it's like he's trying to over power me.

He's not an abusive person in my eyes but thinks this trying to pull me around is ok if he thinks I'm being stupid.

It doesn't read as abuse to me it's all just a bit silly. When this all blows over, why don't you tell him that the next time you have an arguement(silly or otherwise) that if you go upstairs it means you want a bit of space and he is to leave you alone until you're ready to come downstairs. Tell him he doesn't have to understand it but he has to respect your wises.

If he tried doing that to me I'd kick him!!!

Wanker

I'd have kicked him in the face for doing this. Not acceptable at all.

My ex was a huffer, very annoying...sounds like your hubby just wants to move on from silly argument...you're being childish

His reaction is not okay and it's absolutely not alright for him to be dragging you around/attempting to pull you about.

BUT sulkers are so, so frustrating. My ex was one and it drove me to insanity. He would go sit in the bedroom with a face on, and even sulked under the covers in the middle of the afternoon on more than one occasion because he refused to discuss anything or move on from an argument.

Wanting breathing space is fine and understandable, but how long is it dragging on for? Is it 5/10 minutes, or upwards of an hour? The former is acceptable, but the latter is just childish imo.

Do you have kids? I hope you're not sulking off in the bedroom and leaving him to look after them and cook dinner on his own.

Right, and dragging another person around by their legs is very grown up like.

Neither of you emerge with any credit, as has been said sulking is unattractive. I suggest counselling for both of you

If you read my post, I did say his behaviour was not okay.

Do you have children?

What northern parent said

Yes we do have children. Why do you hope I didn't let him cook dinner and look after them? Is a man incapable of looking after children while cooking? Not that ours need much looking after at their ages.

For years I have managed to prepare food and look after children, the very thing the disagreement was about was going to leave me cooking dinner with them.

He starts a physical confrontation.

Kick him in the testicles. Then see if he's still playful.

Because the moment he hits you for kicking him, he admits that he was using his physical strength against you because he knew you couldn't fight back.

If he just walks off and admits he was wrong when you kick him, then perhaps he's redeemable and really didn't realize what he was doing.

Only one way to find out.

Fwiw I simply cannot cope with dh behaviour at certain times at times he simply will not listen to any other point of view then wonder why things go wrong when he does it all his way. He bickers with the kids like he's their age at times.

I don't wish to argue with him in front of them or overrule him, so at times, I withdraw myself from the situation

Not listening and pulling you around bodily are not acceptable.

I'm not going to get into the sulking thing, we all deal with upset in our own way and I don't see anything wrong with walking away if you feel there is nothing more to be gained by rehashing the same argument. Relate suggest that if an argument feels like it's a bit close to the bone that you agree to both leave each other alone, it's common sense.

Being in a different room letting yourself regain equilibrium after a difference of opinion isn't the same as stropping or flouncing off but either way his dragging you around is not the answer. At the very least it is controlling and at worst it could degenerate into a physical scuffle if one of you misjudges a grab or a shove.

No, that's not the reason, I just don't think it's fair to go off in a sulk and leave the other parent to do everything just because you're in a bad mood.

There's obviously some issues with communication. You have form for sulking and shutting down, he doesn't seem to know how to get you to snap out of it, and it seems the physical attempts are because he's frustrated.

I am not saying trying to physically drag you about is grown up or the appropriate way to deal with things - of course it's wrong, but your behaviour isn't ideal either. I can't remember either of my parents going off in sulks or shutting themselves in the bedroom - I remember them arguing and clearly being off with each other occasionally, but neither of them ever sulked off on their own.

X-post.

Can you just change the subject/refuse to discuss it?

What did I expect to happen? I expect as an adult to be allowed to take some time out alone in my own home to breathe without being followed around and dragged and pulled by my limbs.

Actually I'm not sure what dh expects to happen when he is pulling me by my feet/legs?

90% of the time I am cooking and managing hungry kids alone after getting home from work myself.

Not sure why I'm being slated for taking some time out rather than being dragged into an argument in front of the kids.

So it doesn't sound like you're sulking, it sounds like he shouts you down and you leave the room because he won't communicate with you. And then because you didn't agree with him and won't just stand there while he shouts you down you leave the room? And he follows you, tells you you're being silly and physically tries to get you to come back? That all sounds controlling and ugly.

There's more to abuse than hitting.

he simply will not listen to any other point of view

Ok, now I get why you go upstairs to calm down. That would be very frustrating to deal with.

"I just don't think it's fair to go off in a sulk and leave the other parent to do everything just because you're in a bad mood."

Perhaps Op's husband should bother to listen to her then?

Ffs! Some of the comments on here are frankly batshit!

He is using his size and strength to overpower the op and drag her around. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM.

I agree that sulking isn't a good way of dealing with disagreements, but it doesn't sound to me as if the op is sulking, more trying to remove herself briefly from an overwhelming and difficult situation.

Do you really want to live with someone who behaves like this, op?

I wouldn't have said I was in a bad mood, my mood came as the result of a disagreement. It didn't matter much to dh at the time because it affected me more than him.

At times dh will not listen to reason, I cope by shrugging and withdrawing myself, then let him find out for himself.

I'm also not going to play referee with him and the kids.

Sulking isn't OK, giving yourself a time out when you need one to engage well is OK. Manhandling someone is dreadful. And he does it because he's bigger and stronger. And because he thinks he's right. Not on.

It's not 'sulking' to walk away from bullying behaviour.
He is in the wrong, you are not.
As a pp said, when it's calmed down tell him firmly that he is never, ever to physically try to force you to move.
You should also tell him he is to stop bickering with the kids and to act like the grown up. You are both giving your DC a very warped view of what is acceptable behaviour from parents towards each other and their DC.
If he doesn't change (and bullies seldom do) then for your DC's sake, if not your own, consider removing him from your life.

Naicehamshop relationships can be hard. Sometimes people behave badly in relationships, saying or doing things they really shouldn't. Within reason, this is real life.

What's not common is leaving your husband and breaking up your family (with children) over an isolated argument. Is that what you're considering OP? Is your relationship generally poor?