MIL and GMIL overbearing perfume

[Savelli]

My MIL and grandmother in law wear really pungent heavy perfume in copious quantities. I swear they bathe in the stuff. It's a horrible synthetic smell that makes me feel nauseous and gives me headaches and there's so much of it if I'm in the same room as them I can actually taste it.

A week ago I came home and our flat was filled with their smell- I asked DH if they'd been round and they had left an hour ago!

Today I walked past GMIL in the street and a fug of perfume was following her even outside.

I have not had this issue with anyone else. I don't really like perfume but I've never been this aware of it on anyone else. I mentioned it to DH but didn't make too big a deal as it's quite a personal thing isn't it and I don't want to be rude but in restaurants I haven't been able to eat my meal when sitting next to GMIL. DH doesn't seem to notice but I expect he is conditioned to it. Can anyone help me with a way to mention this to them without being offensive?

I could just as easily say that expecting others to adapt the most normal things to accommodate you is being an inconsiderate arsehole. If I have an allergy, I avoid the allergen. I don't expect others to remove it from my presence unless absolutely necessary. Sorry we disagree but there we are.

It's a choice in the inconsiderate arsehole stakes between:

'Hey, I'm really sorry but I have a sensitivity to some perfumes and they give me migraines/make me feel ill. I know it's my issue but is it possible not to use it in the office/when we're out for a meal?'

and

'If my perfume make sure you ill that's your problem. It's normal to wear perfume and despite knowing how it affects you, I don't see why I should have to make any changes. You should remove yourself from my presence or put up with the consequences. I'm not really bothered if that means you have regular pain, lose your job because of sickness absence, or you never get to eat out with this group of people.'

Gosh, that's a head scratcher.

Provided there is a reasonable alternative (move away) I see no reason one person's intolerance should affect a whole office.

So you would expect a person not to sit with their team, not attend meetings that you're at? Because you think your 'right' to wear perfume

It's not like a nut allergy, where you can avoid touching it or eating it. You are asking people to avoid using the workplace loos if a perfume-smotherer is or has recently been in there; not work in some places, not sit at some desks.

No. No matter how you dress it up, it's still pretty clear cut to me. As I said, I found myself in that situation and I found that not wearing perfume to work made absolutely zero difference to my life, my performance at work or my physical wellbeing. It made a significant difference to my colleague's wellbeing at work.

A very small sacrifice to make another person's life easier.

Ffs a peanut allergy isn't as simple as not touching peanuts!

If someone in an office is happily munching peanuts it could cause the allergic person a reaction simply by them passing a pen or contaminating shared equipment. Even from the tap when they wash their hands.

Synthetic fragrances and perfumes are much more concentrated. Even scented baby wipes set me off. Anything in an aerosol or spray that is designed to throw scent into the air too.

If someone in an office is happily munching peanuts it could cause the allergic person a reaction simply by them passing a pen or contaminating shared equipment. Even from the tap when they wash their hands.

Sorry, I should have specified the sort of nut allergy described in Pengggwn's post.

EdmundCleverClogs What does it being synthetic have to do with it?

As a pp said, being concentrated makes even just 'moving away' from you not actually helpful. Much like smoking, it carries, once smelt it sticks with you. It's the whole point of the bloody stuff, the fact it lingers.

And yes, it's not just airspace that needs to be considered with peanuts and other food allergies. There's a reason why families of sufferers usually cannot have any allergy-inducing food in their house at all, there can be no risk of an emergency. Also the reason some schools ban certain foods (even though some parents think their precious little Timmy is hard done by these silly health and safety rules).

Jassy, my post was aimed at Pengggwn who clearly has no idea how bad allergies and reactions can be.

Moving away from the allergen or a room you have to work in that is already contaminated by stinking perfume, is like shuting the gate once the horse has bolted.

Thanks, ijustwanna. I still should have been clearer.

I have similar with MiL and hairspray. DH has had to (repeatedly) ask her to be careful in our house as it (and all aerosols) is a trigger for my asthma. It would be OK in a well ventilated place but she does it in our tiny downstairs bathroom with the door and window closed. We only asked that she open the window and use it sparingly, waiting until it has dispersed before opening the door.

It is awful. You have my total sympathy.