To think that the way a person turns out is more nurture than nature?

[ethelfleda]

Being pregnant with our first child, I've found myself asking what sort of personality traits I would like them to have and whether or not they are a product of their genes or their upbringing. For example, I would like my son to have confidence as well as empathy... are they things that you can reach your child or is it completely down to genetic make up in your opinion? Have you or do you know anyone who has two or more children that were raised the same but are completely different?
I would imagine there is definitely an element of which genes they inherit but I have always thought the way a child is raised and their experiences shape who they are. I believe I am more like my father than my mother for instance but I believe that is because I followed him around like a puppy all the time and was MUCH closer to him than my mom.
Really interested to know people's opinions on this one!

Lots of interesting comments, I've always thought about this topic in relation to my DC's.

My ex husband is narcissistic a compulsive liar and manipulative too the extreme, I am lead to believe his own father was also the same. After our acrimonious divorce ex's behaviour took an even darker turn and he now has a criminal record. This criminal behaviour was bought to light when my DD talked to her headteacher in school and the police were called. My despicable ex husband took no responsibility for his actions and "blamed" our DD for getting him in trouble. When social services became involved he would not adhere to their requirements of supervised contact as he despises being told "what to do". He literally disappeared off the face of the earth 11 years ago presumably to reinvent himself elsewhere on his own terms.

DD struggled emotionally with guilt and rejection as a teenager and after supportive counselling became a strong, caring and confident independent young woman. However she is very driven to be financially successful as she sees it as a means to not have to rely on anybody for anything, she puts far too much pressure on herself to be perfect which I have no doubt is a result of feeling rejected and let down by her father. She doesn't really share any negative inherent character traits from her father.

DS is a loving, lovely empathetic person with a wicked sense of humour. He is the champion of the underdog and goes out of his way to befriend anyone he sees being bullied or left out. He has a very defined moral sense of right and wrong. He lacks the confidence of DD and is sometimes socially very awkward but we are working on this. DS does appear to display some similar characteristics to his father but I have to be careful that I don't confuse typical teenage behaviour with this though. He tends to lie needlessly about silly things and minimises his own behaviour when he knows he is in the wrong. He also holds deep grudges against people that have been horrible to him and can be very derisive of people who don't share his views. Like I said this could be typical behaviour but none the less I tackle it each and every time without fail. He cannot really remember his father and was only 4 when ex H disappeared for good.

I hope nurture can impact negative predisposed inherited character traits for both my DC's.

AAHHH Super beagle, stop putting words into my mouth!

I didn't say all psycopaths weren't raised in loving homes, or that all psycopaths have the same brain.

I said that the documentary highlighted an interesting thing, that there was a genetic predisposition found amongst the whole population, but more prevelant in psycopaths, but that it didn't always develop into psycopathic tendencies and that was probably down to nuture. By the same token, someone raised in a loving home with that brain type may (please note the MAY) develop psycopathic tendencies DESPITE his wonderful nurture.

I used the documentary as an example of the interaction between nature and nuture.

I said very clearly that this is an example of the complex interaction between our genes and our environment. Most of which we know nothing about. We have no idea for the most part what our genes have within them.

It is possible that my genes have a load of stuff that I might POTENTIALLY do, or illnesses that I might potentially have.

None of that is rocket science and is pretty might agreed upon, eg, I inherit my Mum's low blood pressure, or I inherit my Dad's tendency to type 1 diabeties. We know that there is loads of stuff that is in our genes as potentials. Why would it be any different with mental health or personality?
How much can I influence which of those many genes is active? Not an easy question to answer, as there hasn't been enough research. In terms of health it is quite well docmented. I think that for example your likelyhood of living a long life is predictable by looking at your parents and grandparents and how long they lived. Even taking lifestyle choices into consideration the geneitcs is by far the strongest predictor. But if I then chose to smoke 40 a day, I am sabotaging my 'good health' genes.

Re autism being caused/ enhanced by parents. Children who have been abused/ neglected etc can sometimes behave in ways that on the surface have similarities with autism. Even though they don't have it. So an abused dc could be mistakenly diagnosed with autism, and the reverse logic applied to dc who were really autistic but instead it was blamed on parenting.

It's wildly outdated though and imho any professional involved with children, sn, health etc who still spouts this crap should be suspended until they've joined this century.

That's a good point lurked
It can work the other way roudn too. My friends adopted an 8 month old dd. By the time she was a toddler there were loads of problems and she was really struggling. All the professional put it down to attachment disorder.

At some point, I think when she was about 4/5 my friend had a 'robust' conversation with one of the professionals and basically said, how about considering if there is something elese goign on here - autism?? adhd?? learning difficulties?? and stop assuming everything is attatchment!

Their dd is now about 14 and goes to a special school with a string of diagnosis.

In their case the professionals wouldn't look past nuture.

I saw similar with a girl at dds school. Very youn mum who had health issues, and the patronising crap she was fed. Sent on parenting courses etc etc. Her dd was finally properly assessed in about year 4, and low and behold she had ADHD and the oppositional defiance disorder whos name escaped me. She is also now full time in a special school, and much happier.