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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude?

53 replies

RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 15:48

My friend is getting married soon and we were talking about last minute wedding plans etc

She said that after the meal her and her groom are going to retreat to their suite for an hour to reflect on the day and to have some alone time before the evening guests arrive.

My first thought was that it was really rude to leave your guests in the lurch for an hour. Most of whom who have travelled and paid money to share your day and you've buggared off.

But then I wondered if this was a great idea? You're so busy during the day that maybe some alone time with your new husband/wife is lovely.

AIBU to think this sounded a bit rude or is it in fact a great idea?

OP posts:
DragonsandDungeons · 05/07/2017 15:48

TBH I think it's up to individuals to have whatever wedding they want. It's not about pleasing guests.

BertAndKhloe · 05/07/2017 15:49

It would be nice to reflect but an hour seems an awfully long time?

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 05/07/2017 15:49

We're hoping to do this too - a little bit of peace on a crazy day and to get the marriage consummated while people have a drink. Chances are no one will notice we're AWOL and will think we're talking to other people.

Wolfiefan · 05/07/2017 15:49

A shag break? Grin
Their wedding? Up to them.

ImperialBlether · 05/07/2017 15:49

They are going to have a shag, aren't they? Grin

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/07/2017 15:50

It's for a shag.

I'd do it. Surely guests can entertain themselves for an hour; with food and alcohol and facilities.

NellieFiveBellies · 05/07/2017 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 05/07/2017 15:51

Well time to shag reflect does sound good but it is rather weird. Plenty of time to 'reflect' the next day... and for the rest of your lives with any luck!

TheSparrowhawk · 05/07/2017 15:51

They won't bother actually doing it on the day - there won't be time.

MrsBadger · 05/07/2017 15:51

Sounds ideal tbh
We had ours between the party and the after-party
however I took off my dress and couldn't get it back on so perhaps caution her on that score

ZoeWashburne · 05/07/2017 15:51

retreat for an hour to reflect on the day

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2017 15:53

Fair enough actually, they will prob be knackered after the meal. Taking a breather before the evening do is a good idea.

Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 15:53

They are going to have a shag, aren't they?

I did say to her that the guests will just assume you've gone off to consummate the marriage early Grin

OP posts:
FooFighter99 · 05/07/2017 15:55

I'm pretty sure the guests can entertain themselves for an hour while the Bride and Groom have a power nap Grin

livefornaps · 05/07/2017 15:55

Most guests are pretty well oiled by this point. I don't think it really matters so much. Are they going to announce it or something though...? Bit weird.

Expect a bit of an "oy ooooooy waheeey" nudge nudge wink wink when they re-emerge.

I don't think it's "rude" as such but no doubt it may cause a bit of a stir and some pearl-clutchibg

McTufty · 05/07/2017 15:56

Brides and grooms are always getting hauled off for photos and things on the day - an hour is quite long but I doubt anyone will notice! Good luck to them!

fannydaggerz · 05/07/2017 15:57

I can kind of see their point. You spend money on your wedding day and you're pushed and pulled in every direction. It's nice just to be able to get some time.

In reality, this couple are away for a shag.

Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 15:58

Of course it's their wedding their decision, so I wasn't sure if this was rude or not.

I'm getting married myself and I just assumed that's what the honeymoon was for!

I hardly ever get to see my friends and family all at the same time so I wouldn't want to miss a second so I just thought it sounded odd.

Maybe a shag break could be the new wedding tradition?

Wink
OP posts:
Saiman · 05/07/2017 15:59

I used to be a wedding planner.

Loads of brides and grooms do this if they are at the hotel we are staying at.

putdownyourphone · 05/07/2017 16:03

I doubt the guests would be 'left in the lurch' standing round awkwardly. Surely there will be drinks and food and usual wedding things going on. yes they are center of attention but it's not like the wedding entertainment relies on them being there.

Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 16:06

Are they going to announce it or something though...? Bit weird

She said they would just sneak away and hope guests didn't notice and if they asked the bridesmaids could tell them.

Im a bridesmaid....Blush

OP posts:
Itis6oclocksomewhere · 05/07/2017 16:10

My friend did this and nobody cared.
They couldn't be doing with the top table and meal after the ceremony so they retired to the bridal suite.
The guests enjoyed drinks and chat. I suppose it did seem as if they might have been whisked off for photos.
They joined us for the start of the evening celebrations.

FaithAgain · 05/07/2017 16:12

We did this. It was lovely. We felt like we hardly saw each other at the evening do! We left the guests in the bar and we'd hired giant board games (like giant jenga). I have no regrets about doing this Smile

I did have a friend who did similar but before their wedding breakfast. Everyone was starving while we waited for them! Definitely feed your guests before you disappear!

Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 16:12

They couldn't be doing with the top table and meal after the ceremony

Do you mean they didn't go to their meal or they didn't have a meal and just had a drinks reception?

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 05/07/2017 16:13

Oh, cringe! So clearly just want a shag Grin