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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude?

53 replies

RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 15:48

My friend is getting married soon and we were talking about last minute wedding plans etc

She said that after the meal her and her groom are going to retreat to their suite for an hour to reflect on the day and to have some alone time before the evening guests arrive.

My first thought was that it was really rude to leave your guests in the lurch for an hour. Most of whom who have travelled and paid money to share your day and you've buggared off.

But then I wondered if this was a great idea? You're so busy during the day that maybe some alone time with your new husband/wife is lovely.

AIBU to think this sounded a bit rude or is it in fact a great idea?

OP posts:
Hastalapasta · 05/07/2017 16:16

Am reliably informed that 'Netflix and chill' is the new euphemism for shag time.
Maybe they can say that they are catching up with something.
The good wife, breaking bad, prison break, lost etc.....

Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 16:18

BendydickCuminsnatch

This is why I think I couldn't do it.

I'm no prude but I wouldn't like the idea of all my wedding guests thinking I'm off having a shag!

OP posts:
Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 16:19

Hastalapasta

Grin
OP posts:
PsychoPumpkin · 05/07/2017 16:23

We buggered off for an hour but I was 7 months pregnant & just wanted to take my dress off for a bit.

The guests didn't seem to miss us & it was our day!

Madonna9 · 05/07/2017 16:26

I agree with NellieFiveBellies.

I can imagine it's quite nice to rest and reflect for a bit...

ginnystonic · 05/07/2017 16:26

I'm another one thinking it's a scheduled shag break Wink

That's exactly what the guests will be thinking too Grin

Itis6oclocksomewhere · 05/07/2017 16:30

A drinks reception was planned for guests and they went to their suite.
I was maid of honour and the guests weren't bothered by it. We just enjoyed the champagne and canapés. Gave us all a chance to catch up.

BadTasteFlump · 05/07/2017 16:31

We had a shag break after the wedding ceremony - it wasn't 'planned in' but nobody seemed to care when we disappeared to 'freshen up' Grin

On reflection it was a good job we did - when we finally hit the sack at 3am a bit worse for champagne I was too knackered to move.

Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 16:32

Itis6oclocksomewhere

That sounds lovely Smile

I thought you meant they hadn't turned up to the meal, now that would be awkward!

OP posts:
Roughlyroughrough · 05/07/2017 16:33

Why bother inviting anyone? Just get two witnesses and you're sorted. God forbid that you invite friends and family and then spend time with them.

Allyg1185 · 05/07/2017 16:33

We did this. After the meal and for half an hour before the evening reception we went to our room.

My husband stripped off his kilt and lay on the bed for half an hour lol i fixed my hair and took my shoes off. No consumating any marriage for us Grin

CloakandDaggerNameChange · 05/07/2017 16:37

In the Jewish religion this is actually built into the order of the day! It's called yichud. Straight after leaving the ceremony, the bride and groom go alone into a room to consummate the marriage/drink fizz/eat canapés/marvel at being married at last! We did it for about 20 mins and it was very precious time (though we, um, consummated our marriage at the end of the night!).

HotelEuphoria · 05/07/2017 16:39

I don't think anyone will notice either.

Last wedding I went to was at the end of January, a lovely posh one in a castle. The wedding breakfast was served at about 3pm and just rolled into the evening reception, the tables weren't moved, the room was just extended to include the dance floor (it was hidden behind a moveable wall) and everyone carried on drinking and chatting and going to the bar and outside for a fag

I couldn't tell you where the bride and groom were after the speeches until the following morning at breakfast.

FuckYouLinda · 05/07/2017 16:39

I did this at a wedding (guest) I'd been up until 4am the night before trying to finish an urgent project and got about 3 hrs sleep so was fading after the meal. I told OH I wanted a nap and he wanted to see a bit of the footie that was on too so off we went.

Not one person believed that we didn't sneak off for a shag.

Itis6oclocksomewhere · 05/07/2017 16:40

That would have been awkward! Smile
I think they also wanted to avoid a lot of attention as they are very private people.
Don't enjoy being in the limelight.

MarklahMarklah · 05/07/2017 16:40

Friends of mine did that after their wedding. Disappeared for about an hour straight after the ceremony. Apparently they 'got lost' on the way to the reception venue. Their daughter was born 9 months later! :)

cjt110 · 05/07/2017 16:42

We went and had a breather, in our room, just the two of us. To have some quiet time to reflect in the madness of the day. Certainly not an hour. Someone told us to make sure on our day that we actually saw each other - rather than just across the room.

I personally dont see why guests would be arsed if it were an hour - depending on venue. I know ours would have happily carried on drinking chatting etc. We got wed at a hotel at 2pm with the meal at 4pm and evening do at 7. The ceremony, afterwards and evening all merged into one and I'm glad DH and I took some time just me and him.

Babytoboris · 05/07/2017 16:44

This is a Jewish tradition isn't it?

Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 16:45

MarklahMarklah

They are TTC straight after the wedding....wow I feel stupid!

It suddenly all makes sense Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 16:49

They aren't religious in any way.

I've never heard of this at a wedding before so I thought it was a bit rude but reading some of the responses I might be suggesting this to my fiancé too!

Wink
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peachgreen · 05/07/2017 16:51

I think an hour is a wee bit long - it's hard to see everyone as it is! Especially as you're often out for photos for an age. But we did wander off for 20 minutes or so just to go "eee we're MARRIED!" for a bit and it was lovely.

Original poster
RhubardGin · 05/07/2017 16:53

But we did wander off for 20 minutes or so just to go "eee we're MARRIED!" for a bit and it was lovely

That's really nice Smile

I think we'll be like that on our day too. We're just like a couple of kids! Haha

OP posts:
DarthMaiden · 05/07/2017 16:55

DH and I did this at the suggestion of the venue.

Only 45 mins though Grin - after the wedding/photos but before the meal was served.

It was actually lovely for us to have a glass of champagne and a time for a chat by ourselves before the reception kicked off.

The rest of the day is a lovely blur of speaking to friends and family, but that quiet time with DH was the thing I now remember most.

Armychef30 · 05/07/2017 16:56

Yep they are gonna do rudies fair play their day their wayWink

FuckYouLinda · 05/07/2017 16:57

My sister and her husband took some time out too. I think she actually had a cat-nap but she would have been in bed for 10pm if she hadn't. Even when we were young clubbers we would send her for a disco-nap so she could last the distance. Grin

Nobody noticed though. People assumed that photos were being taken or that they were dealing with something to do with the wedding or got caught talking to guests elsewhere in the hotel.