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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS abroad with school - Wibu to ring the hotel to check he's OK?

81 replies

user1498726699 · 04/07/2017 06:38

DS (15) left yesterday AM. Have not heard anything from him since he got on the coach from school. He was given precise instructions to text me when he arrived at hotel just to let me know he arrived safely. I He has no contacted me at all nor replied to a text I sent him last night.

It's the first time he's been abroad without us. I suffer from PTSD due to death of DC2 so am always a bit anxious about all my DC.

Likely his phone may have run out of battery as we realised last night that we forgot to pack a plug converter!

Have rung hotel. They could not put me through to his room as they don't know who's in what room so asked them to pass a message to a teacher asking him to call/text me. Will I be the laughing stock of the staff room when they get back?

OP posts:

Catminion · 04/07/2017 06:42

Please leave it. IF something happened to him the school would let you know asap.

SnowiestMountain · 04/07/2017 06:42

I can understand your anxiety but I'm sure they will be absolutely fine, if there is a case for news is good news then this is it!

Creampastry · 04/07/2017 06:43

On the assumption the school knows about DC2, then no, you won't be a laughing stock at all. It is natural to worry, but understandable. Sorry about your DC2.

Silvercatowner · 04/07/2017 06:44

Given the circumstances, no, you absolutely won't be a laughing stock.

user1471545174 · 04/07/2017 06:46

Of course not, YANBU. Hope all is well.

Neutrogena · 04/07/2017 06:48

What do you think has happened and why?

Give your child a childhood and let him have some freedom

chantico · 04/07/2017 06:49

It's normal DP for a school to have a nominated staff member in UK . who is trip liaison.

Usually they would carry a mobile which means they can be contacted 24/7, but hang on a couple of hours and get them at school.

And remember, it is normal to hear next to nothing during the trip itself.

GreatFuckability · 04/07/2017 06:49

YABU, you want to check he's ok and thats fine. at the same time, im sure he's totally fine, because if he wasn't school would have contacted you. But no one is going to laugh at you, i'm so sorry for your loss x

MaisyPops · 04/07/2017 06:50

I feel you you in your circumstances, but YABU to ring.

It's one reason I quite like guidance on trips that say no contact with parents. Parents can call/text and the students are having too much of a good time to be on their phones and then poor parents are sat at home worrying.

If there's an issue, staff will call you.

mummytime · 04/07/2017 06:50

Didn't the school give you an emergency contact number?
Every trip my DC have been on we have had a number of someone in the UK who can field enquiries and info about people on the trip. (Actually still true for some UK trips - as mobile signal might be patchy.)

I have also tended to get a "arrived safely" text, or message to a Whatsapp group or similar.

To be honest in the circumstances (I assume the school know them) it is perfectly understandable. Its more the parents who "accidentally" happen to be in the same area or phone about trivialities - who are remembered.

It is most probable that there is no mobile signal/or his phone is off.

When I traveled pre-mobile phones, my mother always reassured herself that if there was bad news it would reach her sure enough (and quickly). So do try to reassure yourself for now - anything serious will make the news (delayed trains or planes not so much).

Booboobooboo84 · 04/07/2017 06:51

Aw OP you won't be the laughing stock at all. I hope they get back to you soon so you can relax a little. If everything is going fine on a school trip you don't tend to hear much so no news is good news. Is he on social media at all or does the school have a trip blog?

DonkeyOaty · 04/07/2017 06:51

No you won't be a laughing stock. School staff will understand. In fact you could ring school and get message that way.

I'm so sorry for your loss, being anxious is understandable.

2014newme · 04/07/2017 06:52

No news is good news it means all is well. Try not to hassle your son to contact your son too much to contact you however hard it is. The teachers will understand but the other kids may be less understanding. 💐

Original poster

user1498726699 · 04/07/2017 06:52

Unfortunately brain comes up with all sorts of outlandish 'what if' scenarios. Very hard to control.

School don't know. It's not something I broadcast. I hoped to be put through to room rather than get teacher involved .

Even without my anxiety issues, would other parents not expect contact from child when requested and worry if none forthcoming?

OP posts:

BigGreenOlives · 04/07/2017 06:52

No one will laugh at you I'm sure. Let's hope he remembers your mobile number and can text you using a friend's mobile somewhere there is free wifi.

In my experience schools are very good at looking after pupils and have well thought out procedures on trips. I hope he has a lovely time and you enjoy learning about his travels on his return.

2014newme · 04/07/2017 06:54

As you said, he doesn't have adaptor so perhaps can't charge phone. Or is busy having a great time. You will be told if any problems. Is there anything absorbing you can do to take your mind of it? Do you have a counsellor you can speak to?

💐

Original poster

user1498726699 · 04/07/2017 06:54

I do not intend to 'hassle' DS 2014. All I expected was a quick text when he arrived that's all.

OP posts:

BigGreenOlives · 04/07/2017 06:55

I don't make contact or expect my children to make contact with me when they are on holiday/school trips. Part of being away is being separate and I need them to know I am confident they are making the right choices when they aren't with me. School trips are a great way for children to gain independence.

2014newme · 04/07/2017 06:57

@biggreenolives if you'd lost a child like the op has you may view things differently surely

VanillaSugar · 04/07/2017 06:59

I'm sorry for your loss but it's very unlikely that anything has happened. A calamity involving a school trip would be in the news so try to imagine him being busy, having fun - and focus on that bag of dirty washing he's going to bring home!

Crumbs1 · 04/07/2017 07:02

Leave him all ne to enjoy the trip. Don't embarrass him by checking up on him with school/ hotel.
I understand your anxious but doing the opposite of what you're feeling will help build resilience and subconsciously prove to yourself that you can cope. Each time a situation occurs that you are worrying about and you come through OK without 'giving in' to your abnormal thoughts you make yourself stronger for the next time. He's 15 and will be off to university soon enough. You can't keep checking on him then.

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/07/2017 07:04

It sounds as though they have got there ok though if the hotel said they couldn't put you through to a room as they didn't know which student was in which room.

When our school goes away they usually post updates on Twitter - does yours have a Twitter account at all? Just things like "Year 10 has arrived safely in Paris" or "Yr 11 have made it to the top of Snowdon"

UrsulaPandress · 04/07/2017 07:05

YANBU but no news is good news. He will be having a fabulous time and a flat phone.

Ring school and ask for reassurance.

Rossigigi · 04/07/2017 07:10

I can understand your worry, but no news means he's having fun. As others have said if anything g happened they would contact you plus the hotel says they have arrived if they can't put you through.

Original poster

user1498726699 · 04/07/2017 07:10

Crumbs thanks. My issue is all about being out of control, i. e, could I stop something bad happening, if not on the ball and something happened could I have prevented it, etc. It's exhausting.

Already have a DC at Uni. Cope with that OK.

OP posts:

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