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AIBU?

DS abroad with school - Wibu to ring the hotel to check he's OK?

81 replies

user1498726699 · 04/07/2017 06:38

DS (15) left yesterday AM. Have not heard anything from him since he got on the coach from school. He was given precise instructions to text me when he arrived at hotel just to let me know he arrived safely. I He has no contacted me at all nor replied to a text I sent him last night.

It's the first time he's been abroad without us. I suffer from PTSD due to death of DC2 so am always a bit anxious about all my DC.

Likely his phone may have run out of battery as we realised last night that we forgot to pack a plug converter!

Have rung hotel. They could not put me through to his room as they don't know who's in what room so asked them to pass a message to a teacher asking him to call/text me. Will I be the laughing stock of the staff room when they get back?

OP posts:

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Foslady · 04/07/2017 07:12

Are you friends with any other parents of children who have gone? Could you contact them with a 'hi there, taking it they've got there all ok? Typical mykid was asked to let me know and hasn't - haha' I know I wouldn't be upset to het a message like that (think I did actually and understood totally).

Btw - understand where you are coming from, but remember if there had been any issues the school would be quick to let you know, keep saying that until you hear back (and hope you do soon, an anxious mind is horrible )

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Leilaniii · 04/07/2017 07:12

It's the first time he's been abroad without us. I suffer from PTSD due to death of DC2 so am always a bit anxious about all my DC.

I am the same. DS went on a school trip recently. They sent photos via WhatsApp of the children, but I couldn't look at them in case I couldn't see him in the pictures, and then I'd worry.

If it's going to make you feel better, then text the teacher. Why should you suffer just because someone might think you are a an anxious parent?

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somewhereovertherain · 04/07/2017 07:12

YRBVU - don't do it. Let him have the space.

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sticklebrix · 04/07/2017 07:13

OP your anxiety is understandable in the circumstances but probably misplaced. Personally, I would not expect to hear from DC on school trips at all, especially not a 15yo, and would not ask them to text on arrival. But I do check that we will be contacted if there is a problem.

A quick text after a train journey across country alone would be reasonable. But on an organised school trip is not normally necessary (in my opinion, perhaps his too, and just for perspective).

Can you ask any other parents whether they have heard from their DC? Or call the school office to ask if the party arrived safely?

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Bigcomfyknickers · 04/07/2017 07:15

Ring the school to reassure yourself, no-one will mind.
On one of my school trips, we had all the children ready to climb onto the coach when one mother actually boarded the coach herself, to go with her daughter. She was told that the trip was for the children only but she took not the slightest notice. She had booked herself into a neighbouring hotel and she insisted on accompanying her daughter to every one of the daily events. It took the poor daughter years to live it down, and what the staff were muttering about the mother can't be repeated.

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Rhubarbginisnotasin · 04/07/2017 07:16

User, I think your worry is understandable but please try to let your son have this trip without any contact from you at all.

Im really sorry its all so hard for you.

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Iamastonished · 04/07/2017 07:17

Does the school use Twitter?

DD's does, and the staff always tweet updates of trips abroad.

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Smilingthru · 04/07/2017 07:26

Ring the school. Chances are they are in contact with the trip so will be able to mind at rest. X

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Booboobooboo84 · 04/07/2017 07:29

I would say ring the school because it's easier than getting through to the student room. Reception staff will be primed not to put anyone through due to child protection. Don't be embarrassed if you need reassurance then get it. He should have messaged you or found a way to message you as agreed.

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RainbowPastel · 04/07/2017 07:30

We were told at the trip meeting for our Dd's trip not to call the hotel under any circumstances. He probably hasn't changed the settings on his phone. We have a UK contact only to be contacted on a dire emergency.

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SoupDragon · 04/07/2017 07:32

This is a classic example of "no news is good news" If anything had happened, you would know by now. Its essy to say "don't worry" I know!

15 yr olds can be flakey, phones can be flakey, mobile reception can be flakey... hell, it used to be a running joke between me and the DC as to how long it would take their father to tell me they'd arrived safely when he took them away. 2 days was the record. Now they have phones of their own, it's interesting to see who remembers to text me and when.

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PurpleDaisies · 04/07/2017 07:32

Try and distract yourself. I'm sure you know logically that if there was an issue you'd have been contacted but (understandable) anxiety doesn't listen to rational arguments.

What could you do today to take your mind off it?

So sorry for your loss.

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AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/07/2017 07:33

I'm really sorry to hear about DC2 💐

I totally understand how it has made you anxious. However, for DS's sake, you need to find ways of coping that don't make him responsible for your feelings.

Did you see him onto the coach for the trip or did he make his own way there & just text you that he was on the coach?

IF you saw him onto the Coach then you need to accept that if anything happens, you'll know straight away, if you don't hear anything, then all is well.

IF you didn't actually see him onto the Coach then ring to confirm he's with them, then leave them to it.

It's perfectly normal for children to go & not even think about texting home. On our school trips kids aren't even allowed to take their phones, but when they go on other residentials they are, but it's rare to hear from them. That's a good thing, it means they're having fun and also that they aren't worrying about their parents - as it should be.

What happened with DC2 is heartbreaking, but you can't let it define your DS's life. He's 15 and needs to be able to be a teenager & grow into an adult without putting your anxiety first.

I hope you are getting some help with your anxiety so that you can feel a little less anxious, it's a horrible way to feel 💐

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StillDrivingMeBonkers · 04/07/2017 07:34

I think you have to take deep breaths and take a step back. If you feel you must phone - then phone the school - most schools in my experience tend to put out a daily round up text. You could ask if they would be prepared to do that.

You really don't want to be making your son the butt of jokes about an over protective mother by phoning his hotel room

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manicinsomniac · 04/07/2017 07:35

He's probably had his phone confiscated?

Surprised it isn't policy for the trip leader to phone school on arrival for a cascade text or mass email to be sent to parents but I don't think they'd let individual children take phones.

If hotel have confirmed the trip is there though, then I think you can relax.

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PlaymobilPirate · 04/07/2017 07:36

Do you have numbers for his friends' parents? I'd set up a WhatsApp group for a few of you and I'd one of the kids texts you can all know.

The child is 15 ffs- of course it's fine for you to want to know they're ok! Some posters on here claim their kids are independent from a very early age... I'm still in contact with my Mam lots, she lives round the corner - I'm 39!

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user1498726699 · 04/07/2017 07:37

School put hotel contact details on letter home so assuming that was OK to contact them. Don't know any of the other parents well enough to have their numbers as group going are not usual friendship group.

Nothing on Twitter/school website.

They will be out now for rest of day according to itinery so either message was not passed on/DS couldn't phone so waste of time calling them anyway. Oh well.

OP posts:

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sticklebrix · 04/07/2017 07:41

OP seriously, just call the school office to check that they arrived safely. The teachers probably had to make contact with the school when they got there. There is no risk of embarrassing your son that way and it will put your mind at rest.

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BertrandRussell · 04/07/2017 07:44

Ring school at 9.00. That will be fine. Hanestly.

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AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/07/2017 07:45

I cross posted with some of your comments.

It's totally understandable that you feel you want control & question yourself about what you can, or could have done, to prevent something happening. Losing a child is bound to make you feel that way, especially if it was an accident or an illness you feel you 'should' have been able to prevent. But it is exhausting & you can't live the way you are. You need to get (more?!) help, you need to find a way to reduce your anxiety if you can.

I'm assuming (as the school don't know about it) that it was a few years ago? Is your anxiety getting better or worse, or staying the same? What have you tried so far?

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SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 04/07/2017 07:45

No news is good news.
No news is good news.
No news is good news.

and repeat...

I understand why you feel this level of anxiety, and please be reassured that no contact means everyone is happy and busy. If there was an issue, you would be informed.

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user1495025590 · 04/07/2017 07:46

Please do not embarrass your poor D's like this. He hasn't texted because he is having fun

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MaitlandGirl · 04/07/2017 07:49

Do you both have Facebook messenger? Or any other social media accounts?

When DD2 was in America texting was an issue so I followed her trip on her social media accounts. As with most teenagers the entire 3 weeks was extensively covered on SnapChat!!

Does he have international roaming set up on his phone so he can use it abroad? Without that you won't be able to check up on him via text.

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Dawnedlightly · 04/07/2017 07:49

You definitely 100% certainly would have heard if something had happened.

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LIZS · 04/07/2017 07:50

Agree no news is good news. When dc have been on long trips school usually send a general text/email to say they arrived ok. Perhaps ask the school office to confirm this. Maybe he has no network signal on his phone or forgot in the excitement.

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