To think you can't really call your pregnancy an accident if you've not been using protection?

[CallaLilli]

Friend of mine who hasn't ever used contraception with her DH has just announced on social media that she is pregnant with her third "happy accident". Another friend says she's not trying for another baby as money is a bit tight for her and her partner, yet refuses to use as much as a condom!

It's their business of course, but AIBU to think that if you're not using protection and are reasonably fertile, it shouldn't be such a surprise if you get pregnant?

Like hitting your head on something if you're not wearing a helmet isn't still an accident?

If it's not on purpose it's an accident, unless you're implying that they're somehow damaging someone or something, there's something to blame them for, some kind of negligence?

it's their business and it's a bit weird that you know so much about their sex lives and are so judgemental too

I suppose you could say it is an "accident waiting to happen".

Rinabean I'm fairly sure sex is on purpose in most circumstances so if your actively having sex with no contraception, should it really be a surprise you end up pregnant?!

I've been having sex without contraception for 10 years and had two planned and one surprise pregnancy.

Maybe "unplanned" sits better with you than accidental?

It shouldn't really be a surprise that you have completely unprotected sex and a Sperm found its way to an egg really should it?

If you really didn't want it to happen you would of been at least trying to protect yourselves in some way and if you as an adult decide not to use any protection it's not an accident is it, stupid Yes an accident No

My friend wasn't using contraception after her first because she loved her husband and using condoms isn't for married people. I kept telling her to get on contraception but she felt she'd struggle to conceive her first, which I don't think is totally accurate as it took 8 months with no medical intervention. Anyway she didn't listen and has just given birth to her second DC 18 months after her first DC, but still thinks these things are a fluke and that she struggles to get pregnant. I've told her to get something sorted ASAP but I'm sure she will ignore me, she's not stupid but holds a weird view about her fertility.

If you do that thing you have to do to get pregnant, don't be surprised if you get pregnant.

I mean, it's pretty clear isn't it? Which part was accidental?

They didn't say it was a surprise though. They said it was an accident. They're different things.

But it's not an accident?!?
Unless they slipped and fell into each other?

If you really didn't want a baby then you would use contraception. I never understand why it's a surprise. You had unprotected sex and now you're surprised you're pregnant? Really?

But again, if your having sex without contraception, falling pregnant is hardly an accident is it? It's generally what happens.

And why is it such a surprise in couples that are not infertile?!

If you're shagging without contraception you are trying to conceive.

It's kind of an accident I suppose.

Like if you have a car accident while drink driving, speeding and texting. You shouldn't be surprised when you crash. But it's still an accident in the sense that it wasn't an 'on purpose'.

Maybe unplanned is a better descriptor? I'd try not to worry about how accidental/surprising/unplanned other people's babies are though. It's none of your business really.

Do you actually LIKE this friend?

It sounds like you don't very much.

TBH I wouldn't either, she sounds irritating from what you've posted here.

What people do about contraception and how they then describe their pregnancies is none of our business really, but I would be less inclined to spend time with someone this silly.

How do you know their contraception habits?

If you have sex it's a known outcome that it can lead to pregnancy so it's in no way shape or form an accident. Unplanned if using airtight contraception but never an accident.

If you're shagging without contraception you are trying to conceive.

No, if you're shagging without contraception, you probably don't mind if you do conceive. That's not the same as trying. Both of my children were conceived through 'shagging without contraception'. One was very much 'tried for', the other we were very happy about, but wasn't so much 'planned'.

You have to be monumentally stupid to think like this.

No contraception = trying for a baby. I mean, what else do you do that you call trying for a baby? Announcing it on fb? I guess you could be taking folic acid etc but it is hardly going to affect fertility.

Ok, I'm being a bit sarcastic, but it does annoy me that people think that to 'try' to get pregnant requires temping, checking mucous, using opks and scheduling sexy time. Given the majority of people don't have trouble conceiving, it always seems odd to me that so many people start doing all those things the minute they decide to 'try'.

People really shouldn't be surprised when unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. And no, I don't agree you can even call it unplanned. If you are not using contraception, you are doing the thing that leads to a baby, no matter how much you want it not to.

airtight contraception

Somebody, somewhere, can draw a very funny sketch of that.

If you have sex without any contraception then a pregnancy isn't an accident.

I swear some couples think you have to declare 'we are officially trying to get pregnant' for conception not to be an accident

Nope, I'd say 'unplanned' if the baby wasn't planned ! "Trying for a baby" might mean more deliberately having sex when you are ovulating, taking folic acid etc. There's only a window of about 5-6 days a month when its likely that unprotected sex will lead to a pregnancy. Lots of people just avoid those dates, but can mess up their dates and end up with a 'happy accident'.

I hate it when people announce that they 'are trying for a baby'. TMI.

Bless them! Our third child was an accident. Condom slipped off and I took the MAP the following day in the morning, less than 24 hours after DTD. I was on day 8 of my 28 day cycle so not in the most fertile part.

Our first two DC were contraceptive failures. DD was a mini pill failure and DS came out with a mirena coil.