To think you can't really call your pregnancy an accident if you've not been using protection?

[CallaLilli]

Friend of mine who hasn't ever used contraception with her DH has just announced on social media that she is pregnant with her third "happy accident". Another friend says she's not trying for another baby as money is a bit tight for her and her partner, yet refuses to use as much as a condom!

It's their business of course, but AIBU to think that if you're not using protection and are reasonably fertile, it shouldn't be such a surprise if you get pregnant?

My dd1 was an accident. I was on the pill and took the bloody thing right. Good job she was cute.

Dd2 and 3 were the result of not using contraception because we're lazy/thought having another baby would be quite nice really. So not an accident or even much of a surprise but not properly trying either.

There seem to be a lot of people being told they "can't have children" and then falling pregnant with "surprise" babies because they don't bother using contraception. I often wonder if what they've actually been told is, "you may find it difficult to conceive" rather than, "you cannot conceive". If you have unprotected sex, logic suggests that pregnancy is always a possibility, however remote.

@peaceloveandbiscuits - I agree. I am undergoing infertility treatments and all of my consultants have been very careful not to use 'can't'. One even said that most infertility cases even when explained (which mine is) are not entirely so - so it's possible I could get pregnant naturally. She's known several women who were told they had premature ovarian failure still conceive naturally during the one egg they released in a year.

I suppose it depends peace a family friend had been told there was nothing left there and had unprotected sex for years and years. Then one year, it looks like one egg turned out OK. And so youngest (by miles!) Was born.

I think it's entirely understandable in those kind of situations.
Equally, I get that contraception failure occurs.

What I don't get is people being routinely careless with contraception or not using it properly who then go on to utterly baffled as to how a surprise baby could have been conceived.

It's like people saying they're on the pill but not taking it properly and being all "I can't believe it" when they end up pregnant.

There seem to be a lot of people being told they "can't have children" and then falling pregnant with "surprise" babies because they don't bother using contraception. I often wonder if what they've actually been told is, "you may find it difficult to conceive" rather than, "you cannot conceive".

I wonder this too, as I read it quite often and would be interested to know what it is people get told.

Are you told you can't have children or that it's unlikely? And by who? As the two are different. There seem to be quite a few surprise babies born out of it.

The people I know have had (real) surprises have come out of extensive testing, medical issues and diagnosed secondary infertility as well as early menopause. Their surprise babies comes many years after they thought they'd completed their families.

The other people who claim surprises who I know we're just lax with contraception or one person in the couple was being flexible with the truth (re being on the pilll) when they wanted another.

I got told I would be unable to have children as I wasn't producing eggs.

However I always thought there would still be a chance.

So yes she was a surprise as I thought my period was just doing it's disappearing act. I had explained to dp that I'd been told I was unable to have children but he always believed there was a chance.

So he wasn't surprised more smug he was right lol.

Drs almost never tell a woman she cannot get pregnant, Unless she actually has no uterus or ovaries or something that completely rules it out. They might tell you it's unlikely, or extremely unlikely, but not impossible.

Agree! No contraception is inviting pregnancy although it obviously doesn't happen to all.

@TheSlowLoris I was told I wouldn't be able to conceive without medical intervention, and as a naive 19 year old I believed my gp. Now looking back I know he had no clue, I only had blood tests to see if I had pcos and they came back negative. No other tests!!

Well they told me that and in the 6 years of trying with my ex I never even got a faint line.

So when I told dp this he said I still have a chance.

I don't know why it suddenly changed from being told I was unable to having a healthy daughter. I'm certainly not complaining.

Maybe it was due to my weight at the time. But I lost a lot while with my ex and again it never happened.

Maybe me and him were incompatible.

If they told you it was impossible to get pregnant, why would you spend 6 years trying Of course they didn't tell you that, because it wasn't, because you did.

Well I say trying. The first 2 years before I went to the doctor I was trying. Temping etc.

The next 4 years I was trying as in not using contraception as I hoped they were wrong. But as more years passed I came to the conclusion they weren't wrong and it was never going to happen.

Doeshe perhaps the issue was with your ex? It's unclear whether you had tests etc.

@peace. Yes we both had tests. He was told he was fine. I can't remember the exact terminology. I was told I wasn't producing eggs. That was after blood tests and internal scans.

Then in 2012 I had lots more swabs,scans and bloods taken due to unexplained bleeding.

I now think we were just incompatible which given we split up is a good thing.