To think you can't really call your pregnancy an accident if you've not been using protection?

[CallaLilli]

Friend of mine who hasn't ever used contraception with her DH has just announced on social media that she is pregnant with her third "happy accident". Another friend says she's not trying for another baby as money is a bit tight for her and her partner, yet refuses to use as much as a condom!

It's their business of course, but AIBU to think that if you're not using protection and are reasonably fertile, it shouldn't be such a surprise if you get pregnant?

Oh, I dunno. If a baby is coming and all concerned are happy (or at the very least, the expectant mum is happy) I don't care much what 'the plan' was.

Yabu
I came off the pill a year ago and work out my fertile days using an app... update cycle patterns etc then it gives you a fertile window. We with abstain or use the withdrawal method and it hasn't let us down yet!

I was extremely surprised to find out I was pregnant even though we weren't using contraception.

I was told in 2010 I couldn't have children. That was after me and my ex husband were trying for 2 years. We then split in 2014 and I moved in with my now partner in 2016. That first month I fell pregnant.

Also ime some people will say that a pregnancy is an accident when it was actually planned... for a number of reasons. Maybe they really shouldn't have more kids but want to do it anyway, against all logical arguments. Then when they get pregnant they can hide away from being judged for making a poor choice by saying it was an accident.
Maybe the wife wants one but the husband doesn't.. so she blames it on an accident!
Also honey trappers will always say it was an accident! Seen this happen a few times!
Don't always know the full story

My MIL told everyone that all our children were accidents .

We were having lots of sex with no contraception with express purpose of getting me pg - I think because we hadn't announced it and it wasn't on her timetable therefore couldn't be planned.

Her DN and their DP announce they were trying - which I thought bloody odd. Unfortunately for them they had fertility problems and had to deal with the family asking very noisy and inappropriate questions for years.

To me and DH 'trying for a baby' is any sex without contraception.

Either you want a baby to arrive or you don't.

If you don't, use contraception.

If you're happy for a baby to arrive, don't use contraception.

We aren't temping, checking cervical mucus etc but I would say we are still trying for a baby because we want one and aren't using contraception.

With you deugain on people assuming accidents. DH and I have been trying around a year now. We don't talk babies and haven't told anyone. Why would we? It seems a weird announcement to make.

If it's not on purpose it's an accident

If you're making no effort to stop pregnancy it is on purpose and its not an accident.

It's like walking straight out onto a motorway, its not an accident if you get hit by a vehicle. It's the expected outcome of your actions.

For those saying that some people just avoid the fertile days - that is a form of contraception, albeit a really crap one. So that doesnt count.

Hmmm… I am in two minds here. I think if you believe/have been told you have low fertility and have the odd lax-contraception shag (get carried away and don't use a condom), then that could be counted as an accident.

But if you don't use any form of contraception for repeated shags, that is just a natural result of doing things that can possibly make babies.

I'd count my pregnancy as a 'wonderful surprise', although many wouldn't, as we'd tried for 18 months with no luck, decided we didn't want children and to stop trying, got smashed on prosecco on our anniversary - a non-fertile day, according to rhyming planning app, and only half-arsed used contraception. So, I'm probably biased on this.

sizeofalentil
I think people would agree with you that it's a wonderful surprise.
You weren't using contraception buy were open to having children and had given up hope.

Totally different to people not using contraception in a relationships and then being surprised when a baby turns up.

If a fertile couple is 'surprised' by a pregnancy when they've been fucking like rabbits without protection for months, then they need to get sex education.

if you believe even half of the unplanned/accident pregnancies on MN then I would seriously worry about the effectiveness of contraception.

I have 2 friend couples now that have three children and have been surprised by each one!
After the third "suprise" pregnancy I actually asked them if they were aware of how babies were made

@fizzytonicplease lol.

BlackStars
One of my friends had a surprise 2nd baby. Him and his wife were discussing the idea and he had some reservations. Then suddenly after years of zero issues with contraception pre DC1 and after DC1, suddenly child number 2 turns up as a happy accident.

He loves his daughter dearly but has said to friends privately that there's a part of him that he wonders if their surprise maybe was only a surprise to him.

Well, having sex without contraception might be an accident. (No condom available, forgotten pill... e.g. Cherie Blair from embarrassment in front of royalty!) Once you've had sex without a condom, I suppose it isn't entirely surprising if you get pregnant. But a one-off accidental / drunken contraception failure is still an accidental pregnancy, I'd say, especially when the chance of a single randomly timed act of sex leading to pregnancy is quite low.

Doesn't sound like this is the situation here, though.

We used the rythum method successfully for 16 months, then in Jan I thought I was on day 7....was actually on day 14. Now 25wks preg. So what are we? Accident? Were we using contraception or not in your view?

DD was unplanned. She was also a surprise in the sense that she was conceived after 3 years of unprotected sex,after 6 months of no periods (not the longest i was without) and I was seriously doubting my ability to conceive and was planning to see a doctor about it. She was not an accident though.

When I was 19 I was told I was infertile so stopped using contraception as my gp said there wasn't much point in it, had my first child 2 years later!

Don't know if he's classed as an accident or a surprise??

My sister's current pregnancy is "an accident"-she had her implant taken out in October and then didn't use any contraception. How exactly is that an accident?

I'm with you op.

Personally I don't think any babies should be referred to as an accident. Every baby is a blessing. A surprise maybe but never an accident!

Every baby is a blessing Some are a pain the butt sometimes literally.

@RebelRogue totally agree there with you lol

We said we wanted kids. So I stoped taking the pill. We also said we'd give it two years and if nothing happened in that time then we'd investigate. And see what our options were. We'd just hit the 2 year time deadline with no pregnancy (i wasn't testing ovulation or anything just making a note of my cycle) and had made a dr appointment to talk about it. Turns out I needed to talk to dr about being pregnant. So it was a suprise. Given that we thought there was a chance it may not happen.

@nottoday i class mine as a happy surprise as I was told the same.