To ask if you would have kids if you were me.

[SentientCushion]

The have a lovely life with a DH who I am happy with. We have a small house that is tiny but perfect for the two of us and with careful planning we can have the mortgage paid off in 6 years (we live in a cheap part of the country), I run my own business and have slogged away over the past three years so that I don't have to work as hard in it anymore and it gives me a modest but perfectly reasonable full time wage for part time work but its unsociable hours and very physical and I don't think it would be compatible with pregnancy or having a baby.
We love our routine and my DH does not cope well with change or things happening out of the blue he is a bit of a loner and needs lots of time on his own.
My dh has a full time job that he mostly enjoys but writes in his spare time and one day would like to give up work to follow this (hopefully when we've paid the mortgage off this will be doable).

I am turning 30 soon and I'm feeling my biological clock ticking but I can't work out if I ACTUALLY want children or if I just feel the pressure of fomo.
If we had a baby I'd have to give up the work that I live for, for at least the short term, my husband would never be able to give up his job and become a writer as we'd have to move to a bigger house which would mean a jump of around 100k and doubling our mortgage.
Now we have a very peaceful and easy life but we would have to give that up, we'd also have to give up our holidays as we wouldn't be able to afford it with a child as I'd have to slow down my business.
My husband is an only child and I feel bad not giving his parents any grandchildren and I think if I magically win the lottery I would definitely have a child but I'm torn to whether a child is worth the drop in quality of life.

Wwyd?

Oops until I got to 29

I only have 2 children and believe me, that's plenty

I think the fact that it's on your mind so much and you feel your clock is ticking means you probably do. Does your DH though?
If you do I would stick at one as a lot of the things you've said make me think you would be fine with one, it's when you have 2 or more that life gets harder.

I disagree that thinking about it = wanting a child. I think that society still very much expects that house + marriage + babies (not necessarily in that order) are the goals that a woman should be aiming for, and so it's normal to be thinking about it.

I think it's admirable that you ARE thinking about it, rather than simply assuming that you must want to have a child because that's the next thing on the list and "everyone does it".

1. Your last post makes you sound pretty insecure in your relationship with your DH.

1. I wouldn't want to have kids with someone who "wasn't bothered either way" regardless of how much I wanted a child because that indicates a pretty lukewarm commitment to parenthood and I would be concerned about being lumbered with all the hardest parts of parenthood alone.

Those two points aside, nobody else can tell you whether you should have kids or not, and it's difficult to predict how you would react to such a big change in your life. It's always a gamble and some of the most reluctant parents end up loving it, while some others who were eager to become parents find it really challenging. I don't think there is a right answer in the sense you're looking for.

I didn't want kids, my mum told us it would ruin our lives as we ruined hers.
My DH was desperate for kids.
I have a DS (2) and swore he'd be an only child, now pregnant with my second. I love being a Mum, I feel complete- even though I didn't realise I was missing anything.
Like others have said, some reluctant mothers take to it, some find it hard... in my experience most people are very glad they did it.

This is one of my concerns trills
I love my husband to pieces and he's a good partner but I don't think that he fully understands how much work children entail, we went to someone's house the other day who have children and he commented when we left that he was shocked at how their house was a mess. Their house was not a mess, not in the slightest, it just had baby stuff all over it, because they had just had a baby. Dh is an only child and his parents are lovely but their house is like a show home. His Mam didn't work until he was a teenager but then only worked 2 days a week.

altered my post was a reply to someone who asked how I would feel if dh left me in 15 years and had children with someone else. I'm not sure how you can reply to that without sounding insecure in your marriage to be honest, because obviously I'd be gutted but it's such an odd reason to have a child.

What you've said about your dh's attitude to this issue makes me think it would all be on you to make this work. In your shoes I therefore wouldn't as you seem to be feeling fairly ambivalent about it.
It's been all on me here and it's been really hard work, soul-destroying at times and lonely. At times I just feel totally burnt out and am struggling with getting my own life back on track. But I did get to that point where I really wanted children so I have no-one to blame I suppose. Knew what dh was like. It's just sad that he wouldn't step up.

Having children is completely life changing and isn't easy. For me however, going without things such a holidays etc, having to rein things in, my career taking a hit etc this was less important to me than having kids. That is how I made my decision. I had an easy, comfortable life, but it wasn't enough so I didn't care about the sacrifices. My friend however, couldn't go without and decided not to have kids. That has def been the right decision for her.

Can you speak to a fertility doctor and maybe have eggs frozen so you have longer to think about it.
Maybe DH can be tested too. If there were problems with fertility it could affect your decision. It would be nice to get your mortgage paid off before DC so you have more choice workwise.

I haven't read the whole thread, but no, in your position I wouldn't have a baby. Your life sounds lovely, your DH sounds utterly ambiguous and your long-term plans will be much harder to realise if you have a DC. And I feel too (having had two DC myself), that it really helps if you both REALLY, REALLY want them. There are so many sacrifices that you need to make, both in terms of health, time, sleep and just purely adult pleasures, that if you don't really want kids - and I mean you can't imagine your future unless it has kids in it - then I would say 'Stay as you are'. You sound very happy with your life and if it ain't broke, why fix it?

It is very unusual to be under thirty and heading towards having a mortgage paid off. I didn't own my first flat till I was your age. Children followed quite a good bit after that, but I wouldn't recommend waiting as long as me! Do you think you might get bored with your life if you remain child free? Or will it just keep getting better and better?
I fell in love with my dcs the moment I met them. I like this feeling (though it can be overwhelming at times) so this makes all the lifestyle changes worth it.