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To think it's not unusual for an adult to want to have dinner with her dad?

92 replies

GingerPears · 30/06/2017 12:15

There's a group of people I went to Uni with whom I have dinner with about 3-4 times a month. It's a very casual affair, no fuss, no big deal.

Just yesterday, they set a date for the next meet up, and I declined with, "thanks, but I'm having dinner with my dad that night." The messages that ensued were all along the lines of it being unusual etc, with one even saying, "I grew out of that in secondary school!" Confused

My dad is fantastic. He worked very long hours and often had to travel as part of his job, but he made it a point to come to every single recital, award ceremony, and even to the parent-child ballet event (he was the only dad there since my mum didn't want to go)!

This is also the person who read every single one of my GCSE and then IB textbooks in case I had questions and it wasn't convenient for me to consult a teacher, so why wouldn't we be close?

Do people really "grow out" of something like this?

OP posts:

notanevilstepmother · 30/06/2017 12:18

Sounds like they are a bit jealous and need to grow up. Not everyone is lucky to be close to their parents so maybe that's why they don't understand.


frazzled3ds · 30/06/2017 12:18

I think it's lovely that you've got such a great relationship with your Dad! All too often as we grow up, links with our parents get a bit thin, and we don't spend enough time with them. My Dad is terminally ill, and as such I know that our time together is limited and precious.

What your friends think is their issue, not yours, have a lovely dinner with your Dad!


PJBanana · 30/06/2017 12:25

How odd. Wonder how they would've reacted if you said you were having dinner with your mum?

I think it's lovely and not at all weird. I've been out for meals alone with my stepdad before!


NicolasFlamel · 30/06/2017 12:28

Maybe jealous or just not very nice. I'm closer to my dad than anyone, always have been, and often chose to spend time with him over other people. Some people don't get it but I don't care Smile he's brilliant.


BarbarianMum · 30/06/2017 12:28

People are sexist and odd. I bet if you'd said you were meeting your mum it would have been fine, likewise a son meeting his dad. But a daughter wanting to eat a meal with her dad or a son with his mother. The horror!


RedSkyAtNight · 30/06/2017 12:29

How did you say it? I do know some adults who eat with their parents (who they don't live with) several times a week - and that really does seem a bit odd - kind of like not wanting to cut the apron strings. If it's just an occasional thing, then your friends' reaction is a bit OTT.


themorus · 30/06/2017 12:30

Yanbu I would give anything to have dinner just me and my dad, he was amazing but died 15 years ago. Some of my fondest memories are what we did alone when I was older, the proms, uni visits, driving to work together for a year. I was 26 when he died so not old.

Take no notice of your friends opinions, maybe they're jealous, maybe they don't have good relationship with their fathers or maybe they just don't realise what they've got and one day they'll regret not spending more time with their dad...


livefornaps · 30/06/2017 12:30

Ridiculous. I think it's really unfair how some people reach adulthood & from then on hold a "so long and thanks for all the fish" attitude to their parents (assuming they were good and not dysfunctional parents),

In my view, my parents put loads of blood sweat and tears into raising me (poor things). The least I can do is try to see them when I can. As I live away, this often involves prioritising them over taking other holidays (I do still take other holidays!)

Some people find it a bit "sad" that I do that. I think that I'm lucky to have 2 parents in good health and we all have fun together. They're the people who know me the best and who love me the best. The world has always made sense through them. The situation we have right now won't last forever, and I'll be heartbroken when it changes (and it will!) When that happens, even the time we spent together will seem too short, I know it will. But I make the most of the time now the way it is and hope it will last for as long as it can.


Carley27 · 30/06/2017 12:31

I don't think it's unusual at all - I had dinner with my dad just yesterday and enjoy spending time with my parents, who have done a lot for me over the years.

OP you should feel lucky to have a lovely dad with whom you have a great relationship :)


blueskyinmarch · 30/06/2017 12:32

My DD1 is 24 and lives in London. Often when DH is in London on business they meet up and go for dinner (his treat of course!). They love their dinners and have things they like to chat about that i have no interest in (rugby, the legal profession, politics). I think having a good relationship with your dad is a great thing and something no friend can offer you.


lidoshuffle · 30/06/2017 12:34

Dads and daughters are a very precious relationship. A good dad sets the benchmark by which we expect to be treated by other men in our lives. It's lovely that you and your dad enjoy time together. Your friends sound a bit weird, or to be charitable, that they haven't got the same bonds with their fathers which is sad.


wasonthelist · 30/06/2017 12:36

Speaking as a Dad - YANBU :)


Ladyformation · 30/06/2017 12:42

YANBU! I love spending time with my Dad and we don't see each other too often (geography) so I'd definitely prioritise a pre-arrangement with him.


2ndSopranos · 30/06/2017 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuggeeHugs · 30/06/2017 12:44

It's great that you have such a good relationship with your dad and you're definitely not being unreasonable to have dinner with him regularly!

Your friends obviously have very different relationships with their own fathers, but that's no reason to suggest you are somehow not grown up enough.

Have a lovely dinner with your dad Smile


Wallywobbles · 30/06/2017 12:46

I was never really close to my Dad but would always drive up to 4 hours to have a meal with him when he came to France. He'd always book great restaurants that I couldn't afford. And he was generally at his best on these occasions. I totally get why you'd do it.


GotToGetMyFingerOut · 30/06/2017 12:48

Eh no absolutely not. They are pretty strange in my book.


AwaywiththePixies27 · 30/06/2017 12:51

Ridiculous and stinks of jealousy.

I'm much closer to my Dad than Mum. Often meet up for lunch or dinner just because.


Edna1969 · 30/06/2017 12:52

As themorus said I would love to be able to have dinner with my dad. I lost him when I was 25 and so he's missed so many things in my life that I'd have loved to share with him and also not knowing any of his wonderful grandchildren.

Cherish the people you love in your life and spend time with them. Life is wonderful but can be uncertain and short. I'm sad for your friends who clearly don't have this special relationship.


Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/06/2017 12:57

I think they're griping, because they will miss your company, and also aware that sooner or later, there is a possibility, that the meet ups will dwindle.
Enjoy your evening with your lovely dad, happy days !


larry55 · 30/06/2017 12:59

I remember the last time my dad took me out for dinner. I had other meals with him after that but this was the last occasion he was able to drive because he had Parkinson's disease and was forced to give up driving.

It is now 30 years ago but the memory is as clear as yesterday.


PeppermintPasty · 30/06/2017 12:59

Totally normal, it's them not you.

Your dad sounds lovely. The way you talk about him resonates with me. Make the most of him, mine is dead now, but we spent loads of good times together. Ooh I'd give anything for a dinner out with my dad now xx


Welshmaenad · 30/06/2017 12:59

I used to go out for lunches and dinners frequently with my Dad, he was awesome company. I'd give anything to still be able to do so, I lost him last August. Please go for lots of dinners with your dad and cherish him.


faithinthesound · 30/06/2017 13:02

I'd give my left arm to be able to have dinner with my dad again. (He passed four years ago this month, God rest him.)

YANBU. Soak up every minute you can with him. I wish I'd done more of that.


Aquamarine1029 · 30/06/2017 13:04

Your friends sound horrible and shockingly immature.

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