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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected wedding thank yous

53 replies

restofthetimes · 29/06/2017 21:11

not from the bride and groom, but from the guests. Basically saying thank you for having us, what a wonderful party, food etc and for sharing your lovely day.

Did anyone else receive these? I got a handful, mainly from the older, posher guests. Now I wonder whether I should have been doing it all this time?

OP posts:
Yorkshiremum17 · 29/06/2017 21:14

I always do this verbally as I leave a wedding and if I didn't get chance, would pop a note in the post!

Zampa · 29/06/2017 21:15

My Dad and his current wife received thank you letters (they married at age 60 and 50 something) and the missives were from people of a similar age.

I've never sent one ... Which may make me a bad person.

MiddleClassProblem · 29/06/2017 21:16

I don't, I pop it in the card and it say it when I leave. I can't recall receiving any after my wedding and that was full of poshos lol

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 29/06/2017 21:19

I always write to the wedding host to say thank you. I think the (brides) parents usually do the lions share of the shelling out so it's nice for them to get a proper thank you

*note use of the word usually

FlipFlopsReady · 29/06/2017 21:23

Oh gosh this sounds complicated.

When do you send out your own thank-yous?
Do you have to thank them for their thank you?

Sammysquiz · 29/06/2017 21:23

My parents got quite a few thank-you cards after my wedding (the invite was worded "Mr & Mrs X invite you to the wedding of their daughter Sammy" etc etc). Mostly from my husband's side of the family who are a lot posher than my side! My parents were very touched.

skyzumarubble · 29/06/2017 21:25

I do this and we received several after our wedding but the thank you goes to the hosts not necessarily the bride and groom.

annoyinguser12345 · 29/06/2017 21:29

My parents got loads of thank you letters after my wedding, from all ages. It was at their house and the invite was from them.

I think I've almost always sent thanks after.

PuppyMonkey · 29/06/2017 21:31

Sounds like a load of Victorian bollox to me, sending notes and cards? Like Oscar Wilde or something?

Piffle.

Just say thank you for inviting me on the night.

And similarly Bride and groom, just say thank you for the present on the night.

Original poster
restofthetimes · 29/06/2017 21:41

But you've probably not opened your present on the night so I think writing to thank for that is nice.

OP posts:
Orangedaisy · 29/06/2017 21:45

I challenge myself to find out who paid for the wedding during the event (obviously subtly) and then make an effort to locate them and thank them. Also would send a card if the invitations are formal ones as I think if they are going with old fashioned etiquette I will follow their lead.

PenCreed · 29/06/2017 21:47

My parents got a few, from their friends who we invited. I know it's a generational thing (they're all 70ish up) but was faintly irritated as DH and I did all the planning and most of the paying! One couple also emailed us, which I appreciated.
Then we spent all our free time writing present thank yous for a good three weeks!

soundsystem · 29/06/2017 21:49

I send written thank guys after weddings! I'm neither old nor posh. I'm not sure where I got this from, but I have it in my head that the Thanks should be in the same form as the invite, so if you get a formal written invite (which you do for most weddings) then you should write a thank you. I'd send it to whoever the invite was from.

soundsystem · 29/06/2017 21:49
  • Thank YOUs
superking · 29/06/2017 21:51

My husband does it, either to the couple or their parents, depending on the situation. I think it's a nice thing to do but not necessary. Between us and our parents we probably had about ten written thank yous after our wedding, all were appreciated, but I didn't think any worse of those who didn't!

ChippingInLovesWoollyHugs · 29/06/2017 21:51

What fresh hell is this!?

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 29/06/2017 21:52

I always send a thank you note to the host. I loved reading the notes my parents received after my wedding. People put so much time and effort into planning a wedding, it's nice to write a little note picking out a few things that you really enjoyed. I still read the notes from my wedding every so often!

PuppyMonkey · 29/06/2017 22:00

If only they'd invented a quicker and more convenient method of communicating a thank you. Nope you're right can't think of one - a fancy note written with a quill it will have to be! Grin

TequilaSunshine · 29/06/2017 22:01

I always says "thanks for having us" to the hosts as we're leaving.
I'm not old (well, not too old!) and most definitely not posh Grin
It's just basic manners, surely? Pretty sad that it's not seen as the norm then.

Original poster
restofthetimes · 29/06/2017 22:02

I was referring to written notes.

lol PuppyMonkey

OP posts:
moggle · 29/06/2017 22:04

Tequila OP is talking about actual written thank you notes, I think. My parents got a few after ours. They were touched but didn't expect it. I was surprised by which of our friends did it! Not necesssrily the ones I would've guessed. I don't do it but I always say thank you verbally at least to the bride and groom during the wedding.

WeAllHaveWings · 29/06/2017 22:16

When ds was very young and had a birthday party, I got a quick text from one of the mums after saying thanks for inviting x and how he had a great time and enjoyed the activity. Made me smile so i have done it the last 10 years too.

I guess writing it for a more formal occasion like a wedding is appropriate.

No one needs to do it, but if it make someone feel good, why not!

TequilaSunshine · 29/06/2017 22:22

Tequila OP is talking about actual written thank you notes, I think.

Ah sorry, missed that Smile I thought OP meant thanking the hosts in general.
No, I don't send a thank you to note to say thank you for having me to a party, I say it in person.
When it comes to thank you notes for presents, I do send thank you notes then mainly 'cos my Mum nags me and elderly relatives take the hump if I don't Grin

Lostinaseaofbubbles · 29/06/2017 22:23

My parents received quite a few of these for our wedding. They made me Hmm because our wedding was organised and mainly funded by the bride and groom.

junebirthdaygirl · 29/06/2017 23:10

I always messge parents of side who invited us next day. Mainly because we are old so usually feel we are invited by parents and they are the ones we know best.
Always do it for parties dinners etc.