AIBU to think the word 'queer'...

[Nik2015]

...isn't acceptable?

There's a channel 4 programme called 'raised by queers'.

Surely this isn't an acceptable term????

I don't think homosexual is neutral, it was used in a "those people" sort of way and you can't divorce it from its history. I agree that heterosexual is neutral, but that's just because people see heterosexual as "normal" rather than wrong or at best other.

My daughter is gay and my understanding is that the word has been reclaimed. It's not used by all as some folk prefer the term gay.

I think it's possibly one of those things where it's reclaimed by people who have never or rarely had it thrown at them as an insult, but for those a bit older it can provoke a more unconscious reaction that takes you back to when the word provoked genuine fear for good reason.

I don't think homosexual is neutral, it was used in a "those people" sort of way and you can't divorce it from its history.

Fair enough. I still prefer it over using just "gays" for all, um, homosexuals.

I'm heterosexual but as woman I find it rather annoying to erase lesbians. (I'm from Germany, and the word that's used for male homosexuals here is very definitely NOT gender neutral, it has always only been used for males - don't know about "gay", but suspect it is the same.)

My daughter is gay

Any particular reason why she doesn't call herself lesbian?

I like queer because it means you don't have to put yourself in a small box, you're not exactly straight but you can be anything you want to be. Like a trans man might date women and see themselves as straight, but what about the women they date? Would they be straight or lesbian? Queer covers it without having to worry too much about the other labels.

I had to look this up in work the other day when there was a yammer about diversity and LGBT+. I didn't know was the plus was for so looked it up and there is also queer, questioning, intersex, asexual and more.

Think queer is lesbian or gay but not identifying with a particular gender, or something like that. Never understood the need for so many labels, you fancy someone go for it (or not as the case may be).

My partner identifies as queer. Doesn't like 'bisexual' as she feels that term excludes attraction to people who don't confirm to 'male' or 'female'.

Vestal Virgin I can't comment on the PP daughter but I call myself Gay rather than Lesbian, mainly because I don't feel we need a separate term for women. I prefer Gay Woman.

My DC1 describes themselves as Queer.

It's shorter than gender non-conforming, pan-romantic, asexual.

They can call themselves a banana if they want to. They're still my amazing, hard-working, hilarious, talented, generous, stubborn, loyal and generally fabulous DC1.

Queer is fine.

Oh no OP.

YABVVU so get with the programme; be aware that it can change on an hour by hour basis so keep the fuck up otherwise you will be a bigot.

It's perfectly acceptable in the gay community. In fact it's a broad term and is often used to describe more than people but also a lifestyle.

Any particular reason why she doesn't call herself lesbian?

I use the word "gay" too because I think it sounds nicer and I just don't like the word "lesbian".

I've had discussions with people in my generation where they hate the word lesbian/bisexual and feel like it has negative connotations. It's baffling to me really because queer has fucking dreadful connotations but they're too young to remember a time pre-reclamation I guess.

It pisses me the fuck off.

It pisses me off even more when people assert that it's 'been reclaimed' and is therefore ok to use for everyone. No, you like it. So you use use it. Don't use it for other people.

My dad still uses it as a pejorative.

Someone mentioned academia. I think even in academia, 'queer' and 'lesbian' don't mean the same thing! I do find it annoying having to keep arguing for using one or other. I have had this conversation with a journal editor this week, though, so I know it's topical. (The editor agreed with me that there are good reasons not to use 'queer' all the time).

There's an interesting article explaining why it's annoying: www.afterellen.com/general-news/539955-queerness-cultural-capital-lesbians-go-broke

I think it's fine for some people, but bloody rude to assume it's ok for everyone.

Interesting LRD, basically I get from that it invisibilises lesbians. I guess though that reflects the state of the "community" right now (though I am making assumptions as I'm no longer in the community) that lesbian is seen less of a political thing - and I don't mean political lesbian here, just that not sleeping with men can't avoid being a political act - and sort of a lifestyle choice. When I was out on the scene there was pretty much a lesbian uniform and bisexuals didn't exist, but I guess things are much more blurry now. I can see good and bad things in that, but I agree with the article, I don't feel "queer" it just doesn't describe my experience.

I thought it was a bit like the N word. Ok for a gay person to say it but if you are not gay it's probably best not to use it.
^ This. I'm gay (lesbian if you prefer) and while I might at a push call myself queer in that way I'd not use it at anyone else unless I knew they were fine with it (and if it fitted the conversation). I prefer gay to lesbian because it seems less confrontational for straight people who have issues with homosexuality. And it's shorter and it sounds happier.
I preferred it when it was just LGB - so much simpler. It was just about having sexual preferences that included (exclusively or not) the same sex. Now it seems to be about including everyone who might be a minority in some way regardless of their sexual orientation. I'm surprised there's not a V for vegan included, or ELOS for those that Eat Lentils On Saturday or something equally irrelevant.

I wouldn't use it because I know some gay/lesbian people do consider it offensive.
Homosexual people are not one large homogenous group, and many do not consider themselves as part of the LGBTQIA umbrella (or whatever letters are being added today).

I don't tend to use the word in daily life but many people do and prefer it to other terms. Several of my colleagues work in the academic areas of queer studies and queer theory, and I wouldn't dream of telling them their work should be designated otherwise. Of course when discussing their work I use these terms too.

Sorry, I just noticed I used the word homosexual which some people find offensive. I just have a tendency to use 'medicalised' words a lot. No offence meant to anyone.

Virtually all my gay friends and acquaintances use it ( of both sexes and many age groups).

I would use it with them because they've coined it first.

But I'd use gay more generally, especially with gay people I don't know.

It's fine to use it as a straight person.

I always have and I work in a queer industry.

www.pride.com/queer/2015/8/04/6-reasons-you-need-use-word-queer

It is a reclaimed word the guys on it were involved in the documentary named it, I am currently re watching queer as folk gay people imo can call themselves what they like.

Isn't the Q in LGBTQ for queer though?

A man on the gay music scene programme i watched last weekend was all about the Queens well what he actually said was the nigger queens i was a bit at that but he was a black gay man and I guess he felt ok saying it

Yeah the Q means Queer