Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


To not go to baby shower, making MIL not able to go?

61 replies

Ilovecoleslaw · 29/06/2017 18:52

SIL's baby shower next week. MIL doesn't drive and FIL's car has broke so can't take her.
Arrangement was she was going to come in the car with me (takes at least an hour)
But, i had a misscariage last week and the last think I want is to be around baby stuff right now.
MIL still wants me to go so she can and FIL thinks I am BU by not going.

OP posts:

CatWranglersAnonymous · 29/06/2017 18:53

YANBU Flowers have you mentioned to her how you feel? So sorry about this OP.


Sirzy · 29/06/2017 18:54

Of corse you are not being unreasonable.

Is FIL borrowing your car to drive her there an option?


EdmundCleverClogs · 29/06/2017 18:54

Gosh, no yanbu. I feel for your MIL, but as an adult she really can try and make other arrangements. I'm so sorry for your loss, take all the time you need to heal physically and mentally Flowers.


TheWitchwithNoName · 29/06/2017 18:55

Your most certainly not! Can you get FIL insured on your car for the day? They ABU in still expecting you to go!


darceybussell · 29/06/2017 18:55

YANBU. What if FIL borrowed you car to take her instead? Or is there no public transport? Very U of her to not understand that you'd prefer not to go.


Fluffypinkpyjamas · 29/06/2017 18:55

Of course you should not have to go. They are being awful about it. She can get her own way there. So sorry OP Flowers


Justhadmyhaircut · 29/06/2017 18:55

Your fil is an arse.
Take care of yourself - not of your mil. . Tell your dh to speak to them. .


pandarific · 29/06/2017 18:56

You are not being the slightest bit unreasonable, definitely do not go. Flowers


Trooperslane · 29/06/2017 18:57

They are being totally, totally fucking unreasonable.

I'm so sorry op - been there for the tshirt a million fucking times and I still don't go to baby showers

Do. Not. Go. And don't apologise. Xxxxxx


Popskipiekin · 29/06/2017 18:57

No. Foot down. Please don't go. You poor thing Flowers. She will just have to get train/bus/taxi/combo of all 3. Utterly miserable for you to be there - mind boggles that she can't see this.


ShottaSheriff · 29/06/2017 18:58

You are definitely not BU. So sorry for your loss. I've had three miscarriages and whilst I do still go to things like this (although I'm really not keen on them!) I certainly wouldn't have been able to the week after a mc. It's heartbreaking. Your MIL is being hugely unreasonable, and completely lacking in compassion and empathy. Can your DH give her a lift there and back if it's really important to her and she has no other choices, or take public transport?


InDubiousBattle · 29/06/2017 18:58

Of course YANBU. What would she do if you couldn't drive either? Get the train/bus/taxi/file borrow a car presumably, so she should just do that. They are being incredibly insensitive asking.


Whatsername17 · 29/06/2017 18:59

I lost a baby at 13 weeks. I completely understand the agony. I had a similar experience just after my loss. Dhs cousin had a baby and I was invited to a party where I knew she would be with her brand new baby. I was dreading it, but I went, I held the baby and took her a gift. It was hard but I'm glad I did it.


TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/06/2017 19:00

You must be feeling very raw. Totally nbu to skip it. If MIL really wants to go so much she'll need to work out transport for herself, like grown ups do.


ChishandFips33 · 29/06/2017 19:02

Of course FIL thinks YABU because it now means he likely has to get involved with the to-ing and fro-ing for the shower - not your problem

They are being selfish and only thinking of themselves and their needs

You take time for you - this is the last thing you need Flowers


comedycentral · 29/06/2017 19:02

I am so sorry you are going through this. Just turn off the phone and let your DH deal with them they are all grown ups they can sort out their own travel.


poppym12 · 29/06/2017 19:05

Shock totally NBU! How bloody selfish and twattishly thoughtless of him to say you're being U.
Tell your husband to let them know how shite their attitude is. Public transport, taxis, fil could get his car fixed..... If you don't want to go, they have to sort themselves out.


kel1234 · 29/06/2017 19:05

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. How insensitive of them given what's happened for even suggesting you should go. They will have to find an alternative way to get there. You're not a personal driver, and you may not be feeling up to it physically, never mind emotionally.
(and I'm not only saying that because I hate baby showers with a passion either).


DoubleHelix79 · 29/06/2017 19:07

Enterprise car rental does pickups from your home I think - perhaps a rental car could work for the PIL?


EvansOvalPies · 29/06/2017 19:07

You are most certainly NOT being unreasonable. I cannot believe your MiL is being so insensitive. Suggest to her she takes a taxi (or your husband deals with it).

So sorry about your miscarriage Flowers For someone to expect you to just carry on as normal is beyond belief. You need to look after yourself at the moment.


OooYouAreAwful · 29/06/2017 19:11

Everyone else has said so but def not BU! Is it in arse end of nowhere? Could no-one else help?


theymademejoin · 29/06/2017 19:11

I presume they know you had a miscarriage? If they don't, while a bit entitled, wanting you to follow through on a promised lift isn't too bad.

If they know you had a miscarriage, words fail me at the levels of selfishness, callousness and entitlement they are displaying. I don't think I would ever offer them a favour again. Your dp needs to tell them how appalling their behaviour is.


Questioningeverything · 29/06/2017 19:12

Yanbu. At all.

I have to say, in your shoes, I'd be carefully rethinking any favours to pil in future if this is how they behave. Pair of entitled arseholes


Milliemoo37 · 29/06/2017 19:12

I am so sorry for your loss. You need to take all the time that you need and they need to understand this. Your FIL is BU.


gleam · 29/06/2017 19:13

Why can't fil hire a car?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?