To not go to baby shower, making MIL not able to go?

[Ilovecoleslaw]

SIL's baby shower next week. MIL doesn't drive and FIL's car has broke so can't take her.
Arrangement was she was going to come in the car with me (takes at least an hour)
But, i had a misscariage last week and the last think I want is to be around baby stuff right now.
MIL still wants me to go so she can and FIL thinks I am BU by not going.
AIBU??

[BertrandRussell]

Does she know you've had a miscarriage? If so she is being utterly, utterly outrageous.

[MikeUniformMike]

You are definitely not BU. Big hugs.

[dinosaurkisses]

Do your in laws know about the miscarriage? I'm just shocked that people could be so completely wrapped up in themselves that they wouldn't pause for a nano-second to think "hmm, maybe Coleslaw won't feel up to it?"

Especially given how grim Baby Showers are as an event. Yuck.

[Coddiwomple]

YANBU

any topic around pregnancy is always very touchy so people have to be pretty stupid to insist, even if they don't know you just lost a baby.

She could use public transport and arrive the day before, arrive on the day to the nearest point and finish by taxi or ask someone there to pick her up from the station/ coach station/ bus stop.
There's many way to attend an event only an hour away without relaying on your original lift. Don't worry, if MIL really wants to go, she can.

[Ilovecoleslaw]

Me and DH will likely go out for the day somewhere so FIL won't be able to borrow car.
Train station is 10 min walk from their house and train station at SIL is 10min from theirs! Would have to change twice i think, so not a massivelt awful journey.
Thank you all for your replies

[Ilovecoleslaw]

They don't have much money at the moment, so won't be able to afford a car rental

[3littlebadgers]

yanbu at all. I'm two years down the line from my stillbirth and I still find pregnancy and newborns heartbreaking.

[Inertia]

Yanbu. You need to recover and grieve, not be thrust into something which exacerbates your loss. MIL needs to sort her own travel arrangements.

[happypoobum]

YANBU

I would get DH to contact SIL directly to explain that you won't be going (don't mention MIL)

What sort of monster would give you grief for not attending?

[Madcats]

Miscarriages are hideous in varying degrees. You will always wonder, but the pain/guilt/incomprehension does subside

Is there a BiL who could go to get his parents/inlaws?

Surely your SiL understands?

In the depths of your hearts you will probably be pleased for your impending niece/nephew.... but it is far better to be around for when the kids are going to need you.

[jessebuni]

Wow no not unreasonable at all. I myself suffered multiple miscarriages and remember after the third one I pretty much stayed in the house and sulked for nearly a month. So a week after being expected to attend a baby shower it is completely understandable that you don't want to go and no one should be insensitive enough to make you feel bad about it. I would mention how upset you are by the situation with the in laws to your husband and just apologise and say sorry but it would be too upsetting to go. Your in laws are adults and they can arrange transport themselves if they are that bothered.

[valeriarrgh]

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. My MIL really tried to get me to go to my SIL's baby shower. We had lost our first daughter the year before at 20 weeks and I was pregnant with our rainbow (very early on). I just couldn't handle being around that kind of thing at all. In the end I went over her head and messaged the friend who was organising it, explained that we had suffered a loss and it was just too hard, as the MIL just wouldn't take no for an answer. My SIL was very understanding and didn't take offence at all. You aren't responsible for making sure others can get there, there are options available to them and under the circumstances they should use them.

Stand your ground, don't let anyone make you feel guilty and I am so, so sorry for your loss.

[HotelEuphoria]

SIL isn't presumably their daughter or DIL so she can come and get them OR her DP, their son can.

Not your party, they are being insensitive arses.

[InvisibleLlama]

Not being unreasonable at all - MIL is. Focus on yourself at this very difficult time. If she wants to get there she will find a way. (who doesn't drive these days anyway ducks)

[sidesplittinglol]

Oh OP I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Of course you are not being unreasonable. I was the same... could not be around those who were pregnant or had kids. Your MIL should understand this and sympathise with you. For her to still suggest you go just so she can is unreasonable. If she really wants to go that much then she can order an uber.

[ThatsNotMyMarmot]

Taxi. Let the insensitive cow get a taxi. Beyond belief to expect you to do this. Some people are so self centred.

[GivePeasAGo]

Yanbu. You and dp should go out for the say and tell them how insensitive and selfish they are being.

[FUNM]

Tell her to take an Uber :)

[zaalitje]

Does MIL know you miscarried OP?

[cherish123]

YANBU. Why would you have to take her? Could SIL or another family member not take her?

[Ilovecoleslaw]

Yes PIL know i miscarried, sent flowers and messages at the time.
SIL (BiL's wife) was very understanding

[GivePeasAGo]

Sounds like they are type that think you and your dp should just move on and get over it (awful phrase) quickly. I knew a few like that when I miscarried sadly.

I think you and your dp should challenge them and ask why they think Yabu.

[GivePeasAGo]

I am very sorry for your loss Ilovecoleslaw

[rollonthesummer]

I think your DH needs to ring them and tell them to get stuffed and leave you alone!

[itsbetterthanabox]

Why can't they get the train?
Or sil/bil pick them up?