AIBU to feel sad about DD refusing to go to prom

[supersop60]

Back in the day we didn't have prom, so I'm aware it's a recent thing. My daughter has had a terrible yr 11 (I have posted previously). She has been living with diagnose anxiety, depression and an eating disorder. She had a lot of time off school, and did manage to do her GCSEs, but not much revision. She hates school, dislikes most of her peers, and several of the teachers. So tomorrow evening she and 3 friends are going out for a meal and then having a ritual 'blazer burning' in the garden. Fair enough, it's what she wants to do.
AIBU to feel just a little bit sad that we haven't been to buy a prom dress, hair, shoes etc like so many of the 16 yr olds I see pics of, on Facebook.

PS "AIBU to feel just a little bit sad that we haven't been to buy a prom dress, hair, shoes etc like so many of the 16 yr olds I see pics of, on Facebook."

this does make me wince. Life isn't about Facebook. I say this as a prolific Tweeter and someone who really enjoyed the school "dance" as we had it, but it wasn't a horrific prom style do. I'm 41 and I've just given a bunch of going out clothes to the charity shop because I'm in a place where I just really never want to go anything smart again. It was a good thing, not a bad thing! And I think for young girls especially, not feeling forced to participate in looking good shite is important.

YABU. My best mates and I skipped prom because we weren't fans of pomp and circumstance. Instead, they all came to my house to have a massive BBQ, play basketball, play video games, and we spent the entire night laying out in my garden talking about everything and anything till the sun came out.

I still look back on that day with absolute fondness, and do not for a second regret missing prom.

Your daughter is doing what's right for her - having a celebratory meal with her friends and forgoing something she has no interest in. In regards to your disappointment regarding pictures you see on Facebook you're of course only seeing the photographs of those who are very "into" that kind of thing - plenty aren't but you'd not see them.

I didn't have a "prom" as my school just continues into the 6th form. I'm quite glad of this as I dislike them and the amount of money parents seem to be expected to fork out for them. If I'd had one I'd not have gone.

Good for her, going against the tide.

None of my DCs fitted in with the crowd and had they had proms when they left school I very much doubt any of them would have gone either.

They all found their places in life since leaving school, making life long friends and being happy. Some children just don't thrive in school and for children like that I imagine a prom would be some sort of idea of hell.

I suppose yanbu to wish that she could fit in and be like the other children, if that what you want, but fitting in to some sort of 'norm' isn't for everyone. I hope she has a wonderful blazer burning evening and goes to fine a good place in life, whatever she chooses to do.

I would suggest burning notes rather than uniform but otherwise it sounds like a perfect way to celebrate.

Don't worry she won't be the only one that doesn't conform. I'd let it go and be happy she's happy.😀

Also congratulations to your daughter for getting through her GCSEs. I hope she goes from strength to strength as she moves on from her school and can put the trouble she's having behind her in time. I'm sure she's going to have a great evening with her friends tomorrow.

I knew you'd get a load of responses saying that proms are stupid and wasteful and vapid etc...and they're not wrong. But I do understand what you're saying. It's not so much that you wish your daughter were getting her hair and nails and dress done, more that these days a prom is supposed to be an exciting event for teenage girls, one they remember...and you're sad because your daughter's difficulties and unhappiness in the past year mean she isn't part of it.

Also, I think it must be nice to bond with your daughter over those girly things. Of course not all mothers and daughters are into that sort of thing and nor should they be, and of course there are plenty of other things to bond over. But if you are that sort of person, I can understand feeling a bit sad if you can't share those things with your daughter.

You're supportive of your daughter and glad she's over a bad patch. It really is ok to feel a bit sad that she's not in a place to enjoy a standard teenage milestone, or that you can't share it with her when you'd like to. The important thing is that she gets better, does what's right for her and moves on, and you know that.

I'm not surprised she didn't want to go, having had such a dreadful time at school. It always strikes me as one last opportunity to judge each other.

Great that she's celebrating in her own way, with true friends.

You'll have lots of other things to look forward to (save up for the wedding!) Maybe a fabulous 18th when she gets her confidence back?

My son didn't want to go to his graduation. That made me sad, so I understand how you feel YANBU

Just be happy she's made it through the year and still has the confidence to do her own thing and not conform. Good for her. I wouldn't have gone to a high school prom (kids were bastards) but I did go to my college one (different people, more grown up).

BTW I burned my blazer and it was therapeutic (a friend and I did it), but word of warning it took ages and was not easy!

YABU to let her burn the blazer - surely that could be recycled for a child who's parents would struggle to afford the cost

Seriously...Are we not allowed to do what we want with our own possessions anymore?

My DD didn't go to her prom. Not her thing and as a lesbian I think she wanted to avoid the whole prom date stuff too.
I would have hated it too.

Re the blazer, as I said before, she's had the same one since yr 7 and it's just about hanging together. NO-ONE would want it. And as for burning notes - they've all been recycled, the minute she came back from the exam!
She's ok. She's happy. And after this awful awful year, that's all I care about.