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to be pissed off that my SIL is muscling in

72 replies

therealladygrantham · 29/06/2017 13:59

My DH's single sister lives abroad, she was 60 earlier this year and we are meeting her in London next month for an outing including drinks and dinner at a really nice restaurant, all as our birthday treat to her (no present was given!). We are taking our 2 kids 18 and 21 and looking forward to it. This was all booked about 2 months ago.

Now my SIL who we all like has magically arranged a weekend in London ( she lives in Scotland) and is suddenly available to join us Hmm I am pissed off as it will be a very different evening if she comes ( ie endless childhood reminiscences) plus she will not offer to pay for herself and my DH will come over all magnanimous and even if she does offer he will wave her purse away.

My thoughts are coloured by their late mother who in 25 years of knowing her never paid for so much as a coffee and always bestowed her company as though it was her gift to you and this daughter is in the same mould. I have said she can j

OP posts:

therealladygrantham · 29/06/2017 14:02

sorry this is my first time on mumsnet! missing the end..
*I have said she can join us for drinks but not for dinner, aibu?

OP posts:

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 29/06/2017 14:04

But won't it be nice for the birthday SIL to have both her siblings there?


HipsterHunter · 29/06/2017 14:05

Are both of them DH's sisters?

If they al get on seems a bit harsh to say the siblings can't join!


waitforitfdear · 29/06/2017 14:10

It's not your place to tell one sister she can't join you. How do you think it will look as you have drinks and then leave her to go to dinner? My dh has 3 sisters and he would tell me to get a bloody grip if I tried to interfere and tell him he can't treat them to dinner.

You need to back off and see it's not your treat it's your sils and she probably wants her own sister there.

Your feeling about your mil have no bearing here. Back off.


Lyreco · 29/06/2017 14:10

I don't see how you can refuse her joining you for dinner . In the interest of harmony let her . And you say you like her so that's ok . I think it's lovely your children are going to have a meal with your dad and his sisters and my kids love the reminiscing stories .
It might not be as bad as you think . Have a lovely time


PratStick · 29/06/2017 14:14

Will his sister be happy she is coming? If so I would leave it. Just tell dh he has to ask her for her share. Reminiscing might be boring for you but it's her birthday.


Bluntness100 · 29/06/2017 14:16

I don't understand, is this not the birthday woman's and your husbands sister? Why would you wish to exclude one of the siblings and why is it your decision? Surely if the birthday person and your husband wants her there she should be able to come. Only allowed to join for coffee is plain rude.

You seem to be missing the fact this isn't about you, it's for the birthday person, she should get to decide. You're acting like it's your do.


Bluntness100 · 29/06/2017 14:18

You need to back off and see it's not your treat it's your sils

This exactly, you're posting like it's your treat so your decision.


BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 29/06/2017 14:19

It's not your place to tell one sister she can't join you. How do you think it will look as you have drinks and then leave her to go to dinner? My dh has 3 sisters and he would tell me to get a bloody grip if I tried to interfere and tell him he can't treat them to dinner.

This....with bells on.


maddening · 29/06/2017 14:23

It's not your birthday though? Surely birthday girl would decide who comes? What does she say?


Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/06/2017 14:23

Shock. Agree with the previous posters. We have 3 DCs (and considering another). I'd be so sad in years to come if the wife of one sibling wanted to exclude one of the other siblings


SolomanDaisy · 29/06/2017 14:24

Omg, I can't believe you think it's ok to stop your SIL joining her own brother and sister for a rare meal together. You sound extremely mean-natured, which is far worse than a bit of penny pinching.


SolomanDaisy · 29/06/2017 14:25

Oh wait, is this a reverse?


SeagullsStoleMyChurro · 29/06/2017 14:26

Totally unreasonable, it's the birthday girl's sister FFS.


Tanith · 29/06/2017 14:26

Can you suggest to the other sister that you split Birthday Girl's meal between you, or even 3 ways?

That way, you're not excluding her, but you are making it clear that you won't pay for her meal.


Chloe84 · 29/06/2017 14:27

Hi OP, I think we need to know a bit more about relationship with SIL.

Is she good to you or does she treat you badly?
Does she expect everyone to always pay for her?
Did you arrange this birthday dinner or did DH?
Does she deliberately try to elbow you out of conversations?
Did DH originally want SIL at the dinner? How did SIL find out about the dinner?
Does SIL have a relationship with you and your DC or is she just coming because her sister will be there?

I think I would say YANBU, but more detail is needed.


Katedotness1963 · 29/06/2017 14:28

You want to take one of your husbands sisters out for dinner, as a birthday treat, and dump the other sister after drinks, even though she has travelled quite a distance?


elevenclips · 29/06/2017 14:29

You must not like SIL #2.

Aside from her being tightfisted it seems nice to join her brother and her sister visiting from abroad.

Is it the money?


lizzyj4 · 29/06/2017 14:30

YABVU - for all the reasons above ^^

It would be more reasonable for you to miss it and leave them to have a nice meal and reminisce without your disapproving presence.


2littlemoos · 29/06/2017 14:30

I am assuming your SIL is your brothers wife?


Bluntness100 · 29/06/2017 14:30

I honestly think some people just thrive on creating drama and are so self absorbed they can't see how poorly they are behaving. Younwill be pissed off if the three siblings have reminisce about their childhoods? At one of the siblings 60 th birthday dinner?



NellieFiveBellies · 29/06/2017 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coddiwomple · 29/06/2017 14:33

It's impossible to exclude her from diner, BUT you can have a strong word with your husband to ensure he doesn't pay for her.

Suggesting that you all pay for the birthday person is a very good idea.


Chloe84 · 29/06/2017 14:36

At one of the siblings 60 th birthday dinner?

tbf, it's probably not THE 60th birthday dinner. The sister probably had her proper celebration in her home country. This may be OP's treat to the sister, from herself and her DH and her kids. It must be annoying if someone invites themselves at the last minute (if this is what happened). And it sounds like the SIL has form for excluding OP from conversations.


livefornaps · 29/06/2017 14:36

You shouldn't leave her out of dinner but I do understand that the other sister's present was this weekend away & so if your husband pays for Scottish sister as well it means abroad sis hasn't had so much of a birthday treat.just get your husband to check in with abroad sis that she wants other sis there & get him to tell Scottish sis that he's paying for the other one as a birthday treat. To be honest, you shouldn't really be doing any of the arranging. Unless abroad sis hates Scottish sis then it isn't your place to say who should be at the birthday meal. Just have a strong word with your husband that he isn't to pay for Scottish sis too - she's a grown bloody woman!! Then during the meal you'll just have to put up & shut up although why anyone would begrudge their own husband a bit of childhood reminiscing is beyond me: most people would find that nice. And once again: it's not your treat!!!

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