To be annoyed about somebody "being worried" about my weight loss?

[revolution909]

Over the past 9 months? I really don't keep track of it in that way! I've lost 4st. I never looked obese although I was (I was hourglass with some chub) and now I'm what you would call athletic and toned. I put a lot of effort into it and we'll although completely irrelevant my BMI is of around 22/23 so technically underweight in definitely not! I'm a size 8/6 / xs so I do look smaller than I actually weight but you can also see I'm muscular. Anyways.. this mum who I'm friendly with just told me today "I'm disappearing right in front her eyes" and she was "worried about me". She's naturally skinny so I don't think she's jealous. But I don't know I felt she crossed the line ?? AIBU?

we'll although completely irrelevant my BMI is of around 22/23 so technically underweight in definitely not!

OK, I'm no expert, but a BMI of 22 - 23 definitely isn't underweight - in fact it's slap bang in the middle of healthy weight range! Healthy weight range being 18-25.
Think it's a BMI of under 18 that's classed as underweight.

I talked to a different mum today. She asked me about and she was surprised when I told her it has taken me 9-10 months to lose 4st. She actually thought it had happened in the past 3-4 months. So maybe it's because it looks like a sudden weight loss, even though it's not?

Brilliant that you have found the joys of exercise!

I wouldn't worry about the comment - people are constantly commenting on my weight even when I haven't lost anything at all. It's just chit chat.

If you lost 4 stone then that will be noticeable - even a few pounds is noticeable to most people.

But if you are losing weight without trying that doesn't sound normal. 10 hours exercise is pretty standard or even low for someone who is in training for endurance events, and most of us still have to watch what we eat to avoid gaining. I do that amount and am not training, just doing a normal level of exercise for me. I still need to remind myself not to eat excessive cakes etc (I try and stick to one sweet thing per day although it often ends up being about 4 - cakes in the office - aargh!). You sound like you have a slightly unhealthy attitude towards food, with things like cheat meals and treats - surely this is all just part of normal food? A meal is a meal - what is cheating about it? Protein shakes aren't healthy - eat real food- meat, veg, pasta,eggs, cheese, potatoes, yogurt, rice, fruit, pulses etc. Stay off the fake food. Exercise is addictive - you don't need to worry about calories so much - just enjoy healthy foods (= anything you cook yourself from scratch that doesn't contain loads of sugar)

Isn't that just diet jargon? I agree food is food, what I meant is that I also eat out, have cake, ice cream etc. My diet is not just lean protein, veg,. Etc. I cook all of our meals from scratch (apart when eating out of course!) I've always loved cooking and still do! PS I'd love to train more but work gets in the way!

Op. I had similar comments when I lost quite a bit of weight through dieting. I suppose people view weight loss with illness, unless they know you're on a diet, which your friend might not?

If your GP has advised you not to lose any more weight, why would it be odd that an untrained person who saw your massive weight loss not voice a concern?

I too think it may be a jealousy thing. I found that when I lost weight my larger friends were thrilled for me but some of the smaller ones didn't like it! They preferred to be the slim one!

I dont think it's jealousy either. I've got a close relative in recovery from an eating disorder and some of the comments on this thread remind me of her. The close knowledge of body fat/bmi percentages, the rapid rapid weight loss and the idea that the world is stupid and ignorant for caring. Disordered eating and obsessive exercising is a very insidious thing, sneaks into your day to day life silently. It's often triggered by a diet which starts off with dramatic weight loss.

Yes it was dramatic but it didn't happen overnight. I lost the weight over 9 months, which is within the range of healthy weight loss. In average I lost 1.5lbs per week. It's just that the first 2st were barely noticeable so it didn't look gradual to most people (although it was).

I'd just listen to your gp and increase your calorie intake/decrease exercise to prevent further weight loss. Generally speaking, what other people say (to me) doesn't bother me unless there's some truth in it somewhere. I suspect your friend hit a nerve. I've got a friend who's started running marathons, lost tonnes of weight and is looking drained and poorly. I've been tempted to check with her that she's ok too. It's because I genuinely think the world of her. It's not envy.

OP, as someone who is very slight, due to a high level of training, I would suggest not counting calories. Delete MFP (or whatever) and what Garmin suggests you consume or need to consume. Eat to fuel your training and recovery if anything.

I did also plateau with the weight loss and I train A LOT. I don't seem to gain or lose now, within a 3/4lb range. But I don't count calories and only step on the scales rarely out of curiosity.

Sadly, endurance runners do perform better leaner, but it's a converse cycle because doing lots of miles at lower intensity makes you skinny!

Anyways.. this mum who I'm friendly with just told me today "I'm disappearing right in front her eyes" and she was "worried about me". She's naturally skinny so I don't think she's jealous. But I don't know I felt she crossed the line ?? AIBU?

Sudden weight loss is a symptom of quite some dangerous diseases.
Does she know you are trying to lose weight?

If not, I think it was meant well.

(Last time I didn't mention/notice a friend having lost a lot of weight, she told me later she had suffered from anorexia. So ... trying to lose weight also need not mean everything is well.)

I've never counted calories to that extent, I've always guestimated (and still do!) As I know counting exact calories can get obsessive. I didn't realise it looked "sudden" to most people. To me it showed in stages, the most "dramatic" one (at least to me) was a couple of months ago.

Revolution, well done for shedding 4 stone that is a great achievement 😁 and also glad you have had full bloods done as it sounds like you're fit & healthy 🤗

Well done you

Oh and I forgot to mention I'm hypothyroid, so that's why I think I might seem OTT to some (I'm just a tad paranoid).

YANBU OP, it would annoy me too.

She's not a close friend so it is a bit odd to offer opinions like that to a random mum at school. Of course you're going to be lean if you're an endurance runner - well done you! (I struggle with 10k )

I'm probably projecting a bit as I know somebody who would say (and has said) very similar comments and they are not well intended. Just a busybody making rude unwanted comments to people - and then wondering why she has no friends. I was really hurt by her comments and faux concern asking if I was eating properly (I'm 10 stone btw so hardly emaciated!)

Some people are just nuts.