To be annoyed about somebody "being worried" about my weight loss?

[revolution909]

Over the past 9 months? I really don't keep track of it in that way! I've lost 4st. I never looked obese although I was (I was hourglass with some chub) and now I'm what you would call athletic and toned. I put a lot of effort into it and we'll although completely irrelevant my BMI is of around 22/23 so technically underweight in definitely not! I'm a size 8/6 / xs so I do look smaller than I actually weight but you can also see I'm muscular. Anyways.. this mum who I'm friendly with just told me today "I'm disappearing right in front her eyes" and she was "worried about me". She's naturally skinny so I don't think she's jealous. But I don't know I felt she crossed the line ?? AIBU?

*dietician

@needastrongone thank you! I think we come from a similar place so to speak. And yes I can do that no problem (I've even run HMs when extremely hungover). A distance runner's body is supposed to look skinny / lean . There's even a calculator somewhere for weight Vs pace. I think I look lean (not skinny) a but I get that going from your typical hour-glass figure to distance runner body must me a shock for some. Btw if you know of any nutritionist/dietitian experienced with runners that'd be awesome :)

My mum thinks I'm fine (I weight more than her anyways!) It's a random mum who's worried about me

I get it all the time at work (customer facing w regulars) I'm a size 8 and don't own a scale - I've been eating less / more healthily because of the heat and season.
Some are just mates who are also thin commenting on it . One is a bloody huge ( I'd say 25 stone minimum) man who keeps saying it's 'worrying' and I need to be careful .... I'm an 8 not a 2!
It is annoying and you're allowed to be annoyed by it in the same way as if someone said you'd gained weight. ( or put in some timber as one delightful customer once told me 2 years ago).

I think sometimes people just don't recognise that it's not always a compliment when it comes to losing weight x

Your weight should begin to stabilise I would think, although I'm not an expert.
Increasing your portion size at mealtimes would help and eating regularly, say every 4 hours of healthy but "dense" food; whole grains, nuts, seeds, healthy fats, whole meal pasta, lean meats, dried fruit etc. You can also drink some calories via milk, smoothies or pure fruit juice.
It might help to eat 5 smaller meals a day instead of 3. Some athletes do this although I appreciate that's not easy to fit around a family.

Maybe your friend's comment touched a nerve and you are a little concerned about your continued weight loss, despite your efforts to halt it? That said, try not to be insulted by what was probably just a thinly veiled compliment really.

I've had this and it's absolutely not a compliment - it is because people pigeon hole you as the "fat friend" (or "fat sister" in my case) and they don't want to lose their sense of superiority.

I'd lost a fair bit of weight after having a baby (bf'ing and walking alot on mat leave) and would have been about in the middle of normal BMI. But DSis did masses of faux concern about me looking 'too thin' and 'gaunt' at size 8/10. This from the woman who has always been a size 6 (and one that achieved that by barely eating, whereas I've always been v sporty and fit)

Fucked me right off, I can tell you. Couldn't she just be pleased for me??

Agree with reborn

You appear to be over-analysing both your calorie intake and the comment. I think perhaps YABU if you talk this obsessively about it all... perhaps your friend has reason to be worried!

Nope i never talk about it unless asked about it (which has happened) but otherwise I never mention it. I don't think I'm obsessed, but I do think it's normal to be careful about it all when I've never been my ideal weight -not even as a child- until now.

I had this with someone I used to be close to at work. I was edging up into the next clothes size and thought if I don't start doing something now it'll get worse. I lost over a stone and went down a dress size and was more or less at my target weight. She said one day that I should stop losing weight as I was looking gaunt in the face. However she's going to slimming world and it's not working for her so I reckon it's jealousy. Just ignore her. And well done. X

What prompted this change?

Holiday of a lifetime that we're going to in 4 weeks! That and that my newer smaller clothes were way too tight plus some awful photos of me (I've never liked photo of myself until now!)

I had similar at work, but I could keep weight on and eventually found that I was ill. If you are eating more to sustain your weight I would take a trip to the GP just let them know and see what a medic has to say about it.

No harm in asking

So if you keep loosing weight even though you don't need to, want to and are trying not to, at what point will you worry?

@ivykaty I've seen them twice. Different GPs slightly different perspectives. I've also had full blood works done and nothing beyond being slightly anemic (which I've always been, thanks IUD and heavy periods!) The second GP in fact was less concerned than the first one. I've asked twice to be referred to a nutritionist/dietitian and both times have been told "I dont need that type of help". So I've just moved on with my life and tried to make changes here and there. I'm hoping for my body to stabilise . I'm giving it a "deadline" of a BMI of 21. If I've reached that even with all the extra calories, I'll just start with protein shakes as that seems the easiest way to add calories

@barbarian see reply above :)

Sounds like you have your head screwed on with regards to nutrition and fitness. There's no point obsessing about your weight if you feel well and can maintain your exercise. Just check it once a month or so and certainly take steps to give yourself more fuel, and/or reduce the running if your weight doesn't plateau.
Have a great holiday.

I wouldn't worry too much - I think it was nice she was worried about you and felt able to have a quiet word with you. Hopefully she is happy that you are OK now and can stop worrying.

We often see people day in, day out and sometimes we see a change and wonder about it. Some people lose a lot of weight and it's fine, some people lose a lot of weight and it's not fine. Maybe she has lived through eating problems or other health issues that she projected into you and was genuinely concerned?

We often think no-one cares about us so I would be pleased she cared enough to ask you. It's nice to live in a world that people are able to check you are well and not just shrug it off and ignore because it's not their problem.

Enjoy your new fit body and don't overthink her comments.

You need to add in 1750 calories a week and this will prevent the 1/2 lb weekly weight loss.

Are you doing much in the way if weights?

Of*

@qvar that's actually not such a bad idea. I have a good idea of how many calories I eat on a daily basis (without treats!) So maybe just eating 300 extra calories will do the trick (plus treats!!)

Nope it's mostly running, some yoga and hiit type of workouts. I have a pair of 3kg dumbbells and that's it! I do train (all activities included) for around 10hrs on a weekly basis

I find the easiest way to add calories to my diet is
In fact if I gave it up, I could get to my ideal BMI of 19.5 in a matter of weeks.
But I CBA

As I get further past 50 I have stopped all weights and just do yoga and swimming and a bit of hiit.
That will do for the next 25 years.

Important to do something about the trajectory - to avoid continued gradual loss which could then take you into the territory of all the physical and psychological effects of being underweight. Sounds like you need to find a way to add in 300-500 cals.