I probably am bu, but sister and clothing sizes?

[sailorcherries]

Before I start I know I am bu, I am not going to say anything to her, but does this annoy other people as much as me?

Both my sister and I are doing slimming world (we started together), she had a heavier start weight/bigger clothing size than me and has lost just about 3 stone. She is doing brilliantly in her weight loss. I am 6 weeks post partum and have lost my stone of pregnancy weight and a further stone, so one stone since joining. Despite her weight loss and achievements my sister is quite competitive about our dress sizes and weight loss. I am envious of her loss and I am very supportive of her diet, I think she is doing fantastically.

I am a size 14, sometimes a 16 for a better fit, at 5ft 7 and 14.5 stone. I'd like to lose a minimum of another 4.5 stone, but we'll see how my body shaprs back up when I reintroduce my weight training.
My sister is 5ft 11 and still about 17ish stone give or take. She started at a size 20, sometimes an 18.

Today she has just text me saying "ha that's me a 14 too! I'm beating you as I've lost 3 sizes now". Accompanying this was a picture of a size 14 top. The only problem is she has squeezed herself in to the clothes and it's unflattering but she is too caught up in the lavel size to care.

I know she isn't a true size 14 but I also know she views the label on her clothes as a very important marker. She will now not buy any clothes that are not a 14, regardless of their actual fit.

I spent a long time trying to become more body positive, understanding labels and sizes vary and dressing for fit/my shape as opposed to the dress size. I suffered from ednos and it has been a hard journey, her obsession with only buying smaller clothes sizes is starting to annoy me.

It's not just her, I know lots of women who squeeze in to a smaller size because they don't want to buy a bigger size. Obviously there are a lot of contributing factors to why women place such an importance on dress sizes, but is it unreasonable to be annoyed at my sister for making such a big deal of clothing sizes (especially when it isn't accurate) and not focusing on her overall achievement and health?

Let it go. Yes it's annoying but pointing it out or getting annoyed with her is going to backfire horribly. You can't win this one. Smile, nod, say well done.

Rise above it. You have the satisfaction of your genuine weight-loss and your positive attitude to healthy eating. She only has tight clothes!

Why does it matter to you?

Harriet I genuinely haven't noticed. She text today after going holiday clothes shopping yesterday.

Anatidae I'm not going to say anything to her. I'd never upset her like that, I just wish she realised that label sizes are very inaccurate brand to brand and want her to realise how far she has come (and how well she has done) even if that doesn't mean dropping a dress size. 3 stone is bloody excellent!

I don't quite understand the obsession with sizes you have and for what it's worth - I'm 5 foot seven and a size 14 when I'm 12 stone - so can't understand how you are at 14.5 stone.

I really can't see why this matters or why you've devoted so much thought to it

Adalind her clothing size isn't important to me, her sole focus/competition on our respective clothing sizes and her lack of being able to see her own success if it isn't on a label does. I want her to realise that clothing size isn't important and doesn't truly reflect her hard work. If she stopped focusing so much on clothes and instead focused on her weight loss to date she'd probably be happier overall, instead she doesn't think her loss is that great if it isn't reflected in her clothing size. If that makes sense?

Start giving her honey on toast for breakfast and make sure it's not wholemeal bread. That'll fix her.

She is being ridiculous and yes it would irritate me too, but best just to ignore her. Nothing you can do.

Snapple years of weight training before becoming pregnant. My body fat percentage possibly isn't what is should be for someone my height and weight. It isn't however what it was or where I want it to be.

Just keep replying "your doing great with your weight loss"

Clothing sizes are complete bollocks anyway.

With vanity sizing the way it is you would be better off ignoring the labels altogether.

I'm not trying to be horrible to her, nor am I going to say anything.

I just wish she didn't focus too much on clothing sizes, as it is really affecting her mindset.
She has lost 3 stone, looks incredible and is healthier than she has been in a long time. She cannot accept this, celebrate this or view it as a success if it doesn't accompany a smaller dress size. Having had ednos and becoming intensely focused on my own clothing sizes, I really don't want her going down that road.

Clothing size =/= healthy/better weight loss/looking better.

Honestly I'm not trying to bash her.

It's all relative, she's obviously chuffed that she's lost the weight. Doesn't really matter what size your wearing how often do you look at anyone clothing labels.

Just keep saying "well done"

Fwiw I wear a size 10, sometimes an 8 but prefer to be comfy, I reckon I could squeeze myself in to 6 but looking like I'd painted my clothes on wouldnt feel like an achievement

I honestly don't think OP means anything bad in her post. I think she's just worried that her sister is using clothing sizes as a measure of her weight loss success.

OP, your sister is an adult and sometimes with that comes a preconceived mindset of what is and isn't and said mindset isn't something easily altered.

What you can do, is to just encourage her weight loss by putting an emphasis on the health benefits of it. Of course, it is understandable that she's using clothing as her benchmark measurement because it is the most obvious form of having lost weight. What's important though is to remind her that that's a part of it, not all of it.

Just reply with "well done you" and keep being happy for her. Don't view this as a competition. Just don't. And avoid engaging with her in anything that makes it about her v you. It's not healthy and someone will always be miserable in that sense. Maybe if it gets any worse you can just say that to her next time you're together? "I want us to support each other, not turn this into a competition. No-one is 'beating' anyone, we are both doing something positive to improve our health/wellbeing/happiness and that's all there is to it."

I'm a size 14, 16 to be comfy and I'm 9 1/2 stone! Only 5'2" though.

unadon has it. I'm not being mean, yes her focus on clothing sizes and the competitiveness is annoying but I am worried about her.

I am worried that she will only view herself as having done well if she gets to x size, as opposed to realising how well she has done so far, meaning she won't be happy and will be too caught up in the "when I get to" as opposed to "I can't believe how far I've come".

She is also quite self conscious and the few size 14s she showed me (the joys of snapchat) are clothes that look as if they shoukd be oversizes/loose, but aren't. She then has form for trying on something more fitted and becoming incredibly upset when it doesn't fit correctly and it ruins the happy place she is in, diminishing her hard work and making her feel very down.

It is vanity sizing at its finest and I am both annoyed and worried at how intently she is focused on it.

I see your point. I am wearing anything from size 8 to size 16!, because the bloody shops can't be consistent in their sizing!

It's ridiculous to be obsessed with clothes sizes, because it truly does not mean a thing in this country, and some shops are so much more "generous", whilst designers ones are evil.

I get you want your own sister to look her best, maybe try to talk more about your measurement improvements, rather than the labels?

Just reply well done on your loss. Therefore you are being polite but not engaging with the competitive shite.

It's pretty obvious that you're most bothered by the "beating you" comments and photos, rather than her simply being deluded with regard to clothing sizes and fitness. Don't blame you, I'd find that competitiveness annoying too, especially if we were ostensibly doing it to support each other. Nobody likes to be put down to make someone else feel good. Just be honest about what's really annoying you here - it's not her beliefs about clothing.

I think you should go to a different SW club (they're bloody everywhere, shouldn't be hard). Congratulate her on her loss and when she gets into the "beating you" comments, just don't engage. This is one of those games where the only way to win is not to play.

Firstly, for yourself a 4 and half stone weight loss (you would be 10 stone?) surely that would actually be too low a weight for you at 5' 7" especially if you do a lot of weight training, have a lot of muscles. Secondly, if you have a new baby a lot more weight will come off naturally in the next year, make sure you eat healthily and look after yourself and your baby, you will need energy to get through the first year. Thirdly, just encourage your sister, if you sensibly realise that labels don't mean anything and it is how the clothes look and fit that matter, maybe you could help your sister to understand this too.

Also, vanity sizing isn't a thing. As the population gets bigger overall, clothing sizes change to accommodate that. For sizing and resourcing purposes, the middle size of a size run has to be the most commonly sold one. So if you're selling more Larges than Mediums, your Medium is too small and you need to scale everything up. So they do. If clothing sizes never changed, we'd still be using medieval patterns.

There's also the fact that shops profile their customers. Teenage girls tend to be slimmer, so their sizes come up smaller. Middle aged women tend to be bigger, so their sizes come up larger.

I do think the sizes may have shifted in the last year or so, because I'm now getting into 10s and I am definitely not the same size I was at 16. But it's not vanity sizing.