I probably am bu, but sister and clothing sizes?

[sailorcherries]

Before I start I know I am bu, I am not going to say anything to her, but does this annoy other people as much as me?

Both my sister and I are doing slimming world (we started together), she had a heavier start weight/bigger clothing size than me and has lost just about 3 stone. She is doing brilliantly in her weight loss. I am 6 weeks post partum and have lost my stone of pregnancy weight and a further stone, so one stone since joining. Despite her weight loss and achievements my sister is quite competitive about our dress sizes and weight loss. I am envious of her loss and I am very supportive of her diet, I think she is doing fantastically.

I am a size 14, sometimes a 16 for a better fit, at 5ft 7 and 14.5 stone. I'd like to lose a minimum of another 4.5 stone, but we'll see how my body shaprs back up when I reintroduce my weight training.
My sister is 5ft 11 and still about 17ish stone give or take. She started at a size 20, sometimes an 18.

Today she has just text me saying "ha that's me a 14 too! I'm beating you as I've lost 3 sizes now". Accompanying this was a picture of a size 14 top. The only problem is she has squeezed herself in to the clothes and it's unflattering but she is too caught up in the lavel size to care.

I know she isn't a true size 14 but I also know she views the label on her clothes as a very important marker. She will now not buy any clothes that are not a 14, regardless of their actual fit.

I spent a long time trying to become more body positive, understanding labels and sizes vary and dressing for fit/my shape as opposed to the dress size. I suffered from ednos and it has been a hard journey, her obsession with only buying smaller clothes sizes is starting to annoy me.

It's not just her, I know lots of women who squeeze in to a smaller size because they don't want to buy a bigger size. Obviously there are a lot of contributing factors to why women place such an importance on dress sizes, but is it unreasonable to be annoyed at my sister for making such a big deal of clothing sizes (especially when it isn't accurate) and not focusing on her overall achievement and health?

It's a marker of success for her. I suppose she wouldn't have fit into any size 14s at the beginning of the diet. Perhaps that's how she sees it?

PoorYorick trust me, it's not the 'beating me' comments or the photos. I am naturally not a competitive person, it's why I sucked at competitive swimming and instead took up weight lifting. I like to best my own best, nothing else. I don't share my weight loss with her unless asked, but equally don't mind telling her when I've gained. I just focus on being the best/healthiest version of me that I can be.

Tinty this is true. I set that goal weight as I had previously been around 10 stone and felt fab, however this was before weight training. If it needs adjustment as I go then so be it. I'm not too focused on the number, unfortunately I needed a target when I joined and it was the first one I thought of based on my own past.

Can you reply in a way that brings the success back to the actual weight loss/health improvement? And cuts out the competition while focusing on your shared accomplishments. Such as "That top suits you; not surprising given how well you have been doing with the weight loss. It's great feeling so much healthier isn't it?'

Then every time she celebrates her clothing size, bring it back round to celebrating her weight loss/her achieving her goals/her huge efforts, with the clothing size being just a natural consequence of the thing that really matters.

Why is it vanity sizing not a thing, pooryorick? With the traditional sizing measures of 8,10,12,14,16,18 etc, there is no need to keep making the sizes bigger, they can just add more numbers on at the end eg 24,26,28, and the average would be say a size 20 rather than a 16 or whatever it is now. There is no need to make a size 10 fit like a size 16 apart from to appeal to women's sense of vanity. It does exist.

I think 10 stone is a reasonable target for the OP if that's what she wants. By my calculations BMI would be around 22 so even allowing for extra muscle, she's not going to be underweight.

Don't reply to her comments, or only reply with a short 'congrats' and don't engage. If she needs the competition to motivate her weightloss then let her get on with it. You do what you need to keep yourself (and your new baby - congratulations on that!!!) healthy, and let her try and 'beat' you.

Hopefully when your sister becomes a true size 14 (or whatever her target is) she will start to figure out the body positivity side of things, rather than still celebrating the losses.

Maybe go shopping with her and make a fuss of how annoying it is that the sizes are so different in each shop and style. Or send her a ranty message about how you have had to buy a 14 in one shop and an 18 I'm another yet they fit the same. Might draw her attention to it without making her feel bad or competitive xx

it also depends where you shop and where you carry your weight. im 5'7' and 14.7 st and a size 18-20, most weight is round my middle.

Ignore the comments and be proud of yourself! (Also you can borrow her clothes if she buy 14s!

You're my height and a stone heavier than me. As we are the same clothes size, you must be much more toned. I can't exercise due to health btw.

It really would be best to ignore your sisters silly comments. She's delusional maybe. It won't change her behaviour. The best thing you can do is to praise her for her weight loss and smile. Don't show envy or fight back, that's what she's looking for as she sounds jealous of you.

Start giving her honey on toast for breakfast

Thing is though, with the best will in th world there is no way you can bring this up without it coming across as you saying 'you're still bigger than me and your clothes don't fit. Know your place.' So just don't. I guarantee you she knows.

Rise above it.

My sister does this too OP. Squeezes herself in to clothes which don't fit or flatter her and then declares she's in a smaller size than me! It's bizarre because I really couldn't give a rats arse what size clothes anybody else is wearing

It's probably because she's 17 stone. Even if you've lost 3 stone and you're big and tall it's probably still difficult to shout from the tree tops. 'Yay. I'm 17 stone'. What you can do is shout about getting into a size 14 whether it's big or not she sees it as an achievement. Has she always been bigger than you. When I lost a lot of weight I would use clothes to motivate me. Getting into a size 14- because I'm built like a brick shit house was a massive achievement. I was still 11.5 stone though and that felt like I had failed because I wasn't 9 stone like WW told me I should be. I was never designed to be 9 stone. Doesn't sound like your sister is either.

I dont believe you care that she is squeezing in and looks a bit daft, i think you are annoyed because she is being petty and competitive and just expecting you to take it sweetly.

Surely the fact she looks bad squeezing herself into a size 14 is rather satisfying and amusing given how competitive she is being with you?

It is perfectly understandable and fair enough to be irritated by someone openly competing with you and gloating about "beating" you - she is putting her emotional need to be "better" than you, no doubt borne out of longstanding insecurities, ahead of your feelings.

I know its really hard to be straight with her, but perhaps just say that she is being insensitive and you are not a punching bag there to feed her ego. Can she please be a bit more magnanimous about her weight loss and stop being such an over competitive nutter?

with the best will in th world there is no way you can bring this up without it coming across as you saying 'you're still bigger than me and your clothes don't fit.

This^^

Just reply: I know! And three stone! Well done you!

You can keep bringing the conversation back to a more meaningful measure if it's important to you, but I don't think you can usefully criticise how she's measuring her success.

Sizing is ridiculous. I've recently had to get more summery clothes as mine had shrunk in the drawer. The sizes I've bought range from 16 (some pull on beach shorts and pants), 18, also shorts and vests, 20, tshirts and swimsuit. L, sleeveless top, XL tshirt.
Oh and a one size fits all hat 😉

Mycarsmells, because sizes and scaling are just not that simple. You can't just keep sizing up endlessly after your current largest size; you will need a size break and a new size run. As sizes go up, the assumed height and limb length of the wearer also increases, because that's often the case. But as anyone who's particularly short or tall will bitterly tell you, it is often NOT the case.

So unless you want to start sizing for giants, you'll need a size break and new size run, even just to keep getting bigger, and that has to be based around a new medium which is also subject to change, and requires a whole new pattern and fit model and cutting scheme....

In addition to that, there's the wasted fabric when you start cutting bigger sizes. In a proper size run, you cut the greatest number of medium sizes, and the larger and smaller ones balance each other out on how you cut them on the fabric to minimise wastage. I could go up to Size XXXXXXL, but if there isn't enough fabric left to cut a corresponding Size XXXXXXS - or, more to the point, if there's nobody out there with a 12 inch waist who could wear it - it's a waste, and it won't sell, and it's not that easy to produce.

Fit and sizing are COMPLICATED. They relate to sourcing, cutting, marketing, fabric waste, pricing...oh I could go on. Nobody thinks they are an expert mechanic just because they drive a car, so I don't know why we all think we are clothing manufacture experts just because we wear clothes.

If you're interested, here are a couple of links below to get you started. Fashion Incubator is particularly good, there are lots of posts in there about this issue.

vanitysizing.com/journalists/apparently-anyone-who-wears-clothes-is-a-sizing-expert/#more-108

fashion-incubator.com/the_myth_of_vanity_sizing/

I honestly don't know why people don't like the fact that sizes don't change for vanity reasons. I like knowing the manufacturers are just adapting to the normal rather than insulting my intelligence and self awareness.

I'm a size 14, 16 to be comfy and I'm 9 1/2 stone! Only 5'2" though.

This right here is proof that bodies are so, so individual and different!!

I am 5'2 (at the most!) and weigh 10 1/2 stone but I'm a size 10, 12 to be comfy. There is no logic in this and yet it's the case. I presumably carry weight on bits that don't affect clothing sizes as much (ankles and face maybe haha!) But what I'm saying is that this direct comparison with someone my exact height just completely proves that comparisons are nonsense and irrelevant.

Sorry OP...I'm not buying it. I accept you're not a competitive person, which is probably one reason why it's rankling you so much that she's trying to drag you into a competition you don't want.

I don't blame you for being pissed off that someone is gloating about "beating you" - I'd feel the same way. I'm just not buying that your annoyance is in fact just totally altruistic concern that your sister is using the wrong metrics to judge her success. You say yourself that it "annoys" you, as do other women who squeeze into too-small sizes. It would annoy me too, especially if, like you, I had a history of an eating disorder.

You could perhaps tell your sister that you're really glad she's doing so well and supportive of her, but that the 'beating you' comments are sending you into a headspace you don't like, given the EDNOS history, and could she make her weight loss journey just about herself and not compare it to yours?

And do go to a different SW club.

I've got clothes labelled from 10 to 16. They all fit. Now. Today.

Labels are random. Ignore.

Labels are random. Ignore.

Size numbers are based on arcane methods of scale to tell cutters how to scale the pattern up and down around the medium. That is honestly all it is. Given that the medium varies depending on the customer profile and how recently the manufacturer has normalised to the current mean and mode....yes. Sizing really is nothing but a number.

Most of us have a fair idea of what we should probably try on first, but we're not going to be vastly surprised if we need to go up or down.

Tape measures are your friend if you really do want to know what's going on.

Can't understand how either of you are 14s. I'm 5 7 too and was just about a 14 at 12.5 stones.

I'd like to know where she's buying her clothes.

I'm 5'11" and 15St and I wear an 18

I sort of get it, I lost a lot of weight and actually being able to pull a size 8 on was very exciting as I was a size 18 and would never have been able to get anywhere near that before but realistically I need to go for a 10 or 12 depending on the cut as I actually like breathing!

Also throughout our lives my sister was always the skinny one and I was several sizes bigger so when I lost weight which coincided with her quitting smoking and putting on weight, and for once I was actually slimmer than her, I did feel a bit smug but she's lost the weight now and anyway the main thing is that we are both much healthier now I'm not overweight and she's not smoking.

Could you squeeze into a too small top and send her a photo, maybe that would show her that it's not a good idea, or it could mean she'd try and 'beat you' more and go even smaller so maybe not.

Let it go, clothes sizes are no marker. I would rather invest in clothes that fit well, look good and are comfortable so that I want to wear them, rather than a tiny label no one else sees.

I used to know someone who's mantra was "I used to be a size 8" yet not a single photo on social media, which went back to her teenage years, existed of the fact. It make her look like a twat repeating it all the time.

I own clothes that range over four different dress sizes and my weight doesn't really ever vary.