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AIBU?

Neighbour telling me he closed his blind to 'save me embarrassment'

86 replies

PixelLady42 · 26/06/2017 20:27

Not sure if I'm BU - I'd appreciate some wider opinions.

I was doing some work in my front garden (not a euphemism!) yesterday with my ddad and dh. I was clearing weeds and raking earth etc, and my ddad and dh were doing some prep for concrete mixing for our partly completed porch extension, so were also working out there. I was wearing old jeans as I was doing garden work, and yes they are a bit saggy and may have fallen down a bit and displayed more 'builders bum' than I'd like, and I was bending over to do the weeding and raking so may not have presented the most flattering side that I would normally take slightly more care to present, but I was trying to get on with work that needed to be done on a rather hot and busy day with many other things on my to-do list.

So, AIBU to be a bit non-plussed at my ~ 70 y.o male neighbour deliberately coming out of his house to tell me, in front of my ddad and dh, that he was closing his blind to 'save me embarrassment' - which he then promptly closed?!
If he's scandalised or horrified then he's entirely within his rights to close his blind if he's offended by the view, but I thought it was a bit odd / a bit much to come out first and tell me his reasoning?

There's not the most beautiful view from our row of houses front windows as there's a small patch of garden just about big enough for a single car-sized driveway which some neighbours have, with a road going along in front of it and more houses with the same opposite. I know the neighbours have a breakfast bar looking out to the front, and not that i'm the most observant but I've never noticed them sit there much in the 5 or more years we've been in our house. This was around lunch time at 11.30 or 12, so not exactly first thing when you may expect to have breakfast. Also we are to one side of them, so unless he was sitting right next to the window with his face plastered against it and craning his head around towards me to look at what my dh, my ddad and I were doing, I'm surprised that he could see that much.

At the least he could always just look the other way or close the blind if he really wanted to sit exactly in that spot and not be heinously offended, and at worst go and drink his cup of tea in his living room where I know they have ample cosy armchairs as I once walked through there when trying to fix our shared fence.
I was absolutely non-plussed and felt like I should be embarrassed and shamed by him going to the effort of pointing it out in front of my dh and ddad than if he'd just closed the blind or walked away and kept his views to himself. Then I got slightly angry as I thought yes, its not the nicest view, but should I really be made to feel ashamed by it due to someone else's opinion?

I am English, but more 'European' in my viewpoint than 'stiff upper lip British', so while I was vaguely aware my old jeans were not hoicked as high as MN judgy pants (tm) can sometimes be, I didn't much care as they weren't exactly falling around my ankles and I just wanted to get on with things.
If others flash some flesh as people are wont to do when it gets hot, then I couldn't give two hoots as long as they aren't breaking any decency laws, and even then if they were I would most likely do nothing more than just have a giggle to myself at how silly they looked. We are all human beings at the end of the day, and all have the same bits under our clothes.

Once it later occurred to me, which then annoyed me most, was that I bet he wouldn't have cared, or if he did, have dared to do the same, if I was a man? I like to try and think that women are treated equally wherever possible, but in this case i really felt I wasn't, and it got to me a bit.

Its 'that time of the month' - so I may be being entirely ridiculous and need to give my head a wobble and be told I shouldn't be flashing my builders bum for all to see, but there was just something a bit too ridiculous, enraging and shameful about it that I feel I shouldn't really have to embrace, and wouldn't have done so if this neighbour hadn't gone so deliberately out of his way to point it out.

All opinions, pearl clutching or otherwise, are gratefully received!


As this could technically be construed as a bit racy and inflammatory, I'll more likely bet than not it'll end up being printed in the daily mail.......in which case I will claim my £25000 article fee up front, thanks very much.

OP posts:
ArthurShelbysTash · 26/06/2017 20:35

Well that was a bit long.

Maybe he was saving your embarrassment because Sunday's are the days he prances about naked and he didn't want you to catch a glimpse.

Not sure the fail will be interested in this, sorry.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 26/06/2017 20:36

He was a bit rude, but TBH I really hate seeing other people's arse cracks hanging out and so I kind of admire him having the bravery to confront you (I always wimp out and silently cringe). Just wear a belt.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 26/06/2017 20:36

Wow that's a pretty long & descriptive post... Grin
I'd have just laughed tbh, certainly wouldn't be embarrassed about it-the problem is his.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 26/06/2017 20:37

Do a Charlie Dimmock next week end. .

DirtyBlonde · 26/06/2017 20:39

You're overthinking this.

He was telling you that you were flashing (or nearly flashing) in a place that can easily be seen by third parties, and was concerned that you might not have realised quite what a display you were putting on.

The blind closing is just demonstration that he's not actually interested in watching you himself, and is prepared to show that by his actions. Nor was he telling you to stop. And he doesn't sound offended either. Just showing the sort of kindness as anyone who points out a wardrobe malfunction.

I don't see it as remotely racey or inflammatory.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/06/2017 20:40

Buy belt if you're bothered.

Nancy91 · 26/06/2017 20:40

TLDR

WallisFrizz · 26/06/2017 20:41

Very long post to say Wibu to moon my neighbour.

In a nutshell, it's your arse, do what you like with it, but don't expect others to share your...what was it...European attitude.

Rainybo · 26/06/2017 20:43

I apologise now for what I was about to say, but was the sight of your lovely bottom too much for him and he had to close the curtains to 'attend' to himself and so was 'saving you the embarrassment' Grin

Rainybo · 26/06/2017 20:44

FFS was? Am about to say!

Notknownatthisaddress · 26/06/2017 20:44

ddad???

Do you mean dad?

Anyhoo, weird reaction from the neighbour. I mean why even mention it? Weirdo!

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 26/06/2017 20:47

Sorry to hear the 'time of the month' makes you incapable of understanding situations Grin

You're right though - he was rude and I don't think he was doing it in a 'kindness way'. Kindness would be not embarrassing you. I'd just ignore him and get on with what you need to do.

Bluntness100 · 26/06/2017 20:48

Meh, I'd have shrugged it off, found a belt and pulled my jeans up. I'd be more concerned about mooning my father to be honest.

If he is offended by the fact you had your arse crack out, he was offended by you having your arse crack out. It's an acquired taste you know.

ImsorryTommy · 26/06/2017 20:48

I frequently tell my male colleague that I don't want to have to keep seeing his arse hanging out.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 26/06/2017 20:48

Our neighbour knocked to say he could see us using the loo - even with frosted glass!!
Blind up there now!!

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 26/06/2017 20:49

Rainybo ha! This is now exactly what was happening.

Bluntness100 · 26/06/2017 20:51

Oh by the way I lived in mainland Europe for several years. The women don't get their arse cracks out, nor do they like it when others do. I'm not sure what your attitude to arse cracks is, but it's not really not "European",,,😂

Suspect you're embarassed hence your reaction,

Anotheroneofthese · 26/06/2017 20:52

Much ado about nothing, if you ask me.

harderandharder2breathe · 26/06/2017 20:53

He was rude. But you had your arse hanging out. I think you both need to get a grip (or a belt in your case)

GinSwigmore · 26/06/2017 20:56

Hoiking up my judgy pants as you're clearly not going toWink Grin

SwimmingInLemonade · 26/06/2017 20:57

Mumsnet is a such a lottery, you never know what reaction you're going to get.... some fairly arsey replies here Hmm

For what it's worth OP, I wouldn;t have been too thrilled with a neighbour coming over to embarass me in front of my dad and dh either... and no, of course he wouldn't have said anything if you were a man. Have any of us ever told a builder we were going to pull down the blinds because he was "embarrassing himself" with a bit of bum crack? I suspect not.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 26/06/2017 20:58

I can't summon the rage to get my knickers in a twist over it - sure, no-one really wants to see builders bum, but then you just stop looking don't you?

He probably did think he was being nice and helpful, that you'd be embarrassed though - so I wouldn't give him a hard time about it, just say err, thanks, and carry on with whatever I was comfortable with.

SwimmingInLemonade · 26/06/2017 20:58

Arsey replies.. no pun intended Smile

JeReviens · 26/06/2017 20:59

What's a ddad? Is it like a dad?

RancidOldHag · 26/06/2017 21:01

OP has made a whole heap of assumptions from where the neighbours sit in their house onwards, and they weren't nice to read.

He came out (and of course he did it deliberately, were you intending your turn of phrase to be so cutting?) to tell you he could see your bum and would make it impossible to continue to see it (and did what he undertook to do)

I think you are embarrassed, but deflecting your bad feeling into a poor chap who never wanted to see your backside in the first place, is a little unfair and rather over-dramatic on your part.

Is a belt or some sort of tie to keep trousers in place when working at the front really going to be a problem for you?

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