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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour telling me he closed his blind to 'save me embarrassment'

86 replies

PixelLady42 · 26/06/2017 20:27

Not sure if I'm BU - I'd appreciate some wider opinions.

I was doing some work in my front garden (not a euphemism!) yesterday with my ddad and dh. I was clearing weeds and raking earth etc, and my ddad and dh were doing some prep for concrete mixing for our partly completed porch extension, so were also working out there. I was wearing old jeans as I was doing garden work, and yes they are a bit saggy and may have fallen down a bit and displayed more 'builders bum' than I'd like, and I was bending over to do the weeding and raking so may not have presented the most flattering side that I would normally take slightly more care to present, but I was trying to get on with work that needed to be done on a rather hot and busy day with many other things on my to-do list.

So, AIBU to be a bit non-plussed at my ~ 70 y.o male neighbour deliberately coming out of his house to tell me, in front of my ddad and dh, that he was closing his blind to 'save me embarrassment' - which he then promptly closed?!
If he's scandalised or horrified then he's entirely within his rights to close his blind if he's offended by the view, but I thought it was a bit odd / a bit much to come out first and tell me his reasoning?

There's not the most beautiful view from our row of houses front windows as there's a small patch of garden just about big enough for a single car-sized driveway which some neighbours have, with a road going along in front of it and more houses with the same opposite. I know the neighbours have a breakfast bar looking out to the front, and not that i'm the most observant but I've never noticed them sit there much in the 5 or more years we've been in our house. This was around lunch time at 11.30 or 12, so not exactly first thing when you may expect to have breakfast. Also we are to one side of them, so unless he was sitting right next to the window with his face plastered against it and craning his head around towards me to look at what my dh, my ddad and I were doing, I'm surprised that he could see that much.

At the least he could always just look the other way or close the blind if he really wanted to sit exactly in that spot and not be heinously offended, and at worst go and drink his cup of tea in his living room where I know they have ample cosy armchairs as I once walked through there when trying to fix our shared fence.
I was absolutely non-plussed and felt like I should be embarrassed and shamed by him going to the effort of pointing it out in front of my dh and ddad than if he'd just closed the blind or walked away and kept his views to himself. Then I got slightly angry as I thought yes, its not the nicest view, but should I really be made to feel ashamed by it due to someone else's opinion?

I am English, but more 'European' in my viewpoint than 'stiff upper lip British', so while I was vaguely aware my old jeans were not hoicked as high as MN judgy pants (tm) can sometimes be, I didn't much care as they weren't exactly falling around my ankles and I just wanted to get on with things.
If others flash some flesh as people are wont to do when it gets hot, then I couldn't give two hoots as long as they aren't breaking any decency laws, and even then if they were I would most likely do nothing more than just have a giggle to myself at how silly they looked. We are all human beings at the end of the day, and all have the same bits under our clothes.

Once it later occurred to me, which then annoyed me most, was that I bet he wouldn't have cared, or if he did, have dared to do the same, if I was a man? I like to try and think that women are treated equally wherever possible, but in this case i really felt I wasn't, and it got to me a bit.

Its 'that time of the month' - so I may be being entirely ridiculous and need to give my head a wobble and be told I shouldn't be flashing my builders bum for all to see, but there was just something a bit too ridiculous, enraging and shameful about it that I feel I shouldn't really have to embrace, and wouldn't have done so if this neighbour hadn't gone so deliberately out of his way to point it out.

All opinions, pearl clutching or otherwise, are gratefully received!

As this could technically be construed as a bit racy and inflammatory, I'll more likely bet than not it'll end up being printed in the daily mail.......in which case I will claim my £25000 article fee up front, thanks very much.

OP posts:
Peckwater · 26/06/2017 22:13

Don't give it any more thought, OP. That was a classic instance of male passive-aggressiveness, and a deliberate attempt to embarrass directed at you because you're female, because God forbid a woman doing manual work in her own garden should forget about her body for a second.v I doubt he goes around building sites tying little arse aprons over actual builders' cracks. Grin

smitti · 26/06/2017 22:18

upstairs to finish off......... nnnnoooooohhhhh.

LookMoreCloselier · 26/06/2017 22:31

This would never happen to me as pants go up to my belly button at least. Buy some nice granny pants!

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 26/06/2017 22:32

Explain to him that your posterior décolletage is where you keep your stash of Werther’s Originals whilst out gardening and it’s convenient to have unfettered access.

I’m sure that will put a different complexion on the matter.

notanevilstepmother · 26/06/2017 22:57

arse aprons. My new favourite expression.

Out2pasture · 26/06/2017 22:57

How can you do yardwork pushing and pulling with pants so low your derrière is on display and not notice?
Did he come out and chat with the men folk, maybe he was just making stupid conversation.
You sound over invested.

RaspberryBeretHoopla · 26/06/2017 23:01

I think it's totally a euphemism.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/06/2017 23:02

I wouldn't have said 'thankyou for noticing' then twerked at him as I walked off.

That'll give Norris Cole something to talk about. Wink

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/06/2017 23:03

*would have not wouldn't!

RaspberryBeretHoopla · 26/06/2017 23:04

I really don't think it's a big deal. I feel kind of sorry for your neighbour that the sight of butt crack gives him a fit of the vapours. Poor him.

MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 23:09

Liara wear elasticated waists! Really?? You don't see why you should be uncomfortable?? Belts would hurt?

Nobody wants to see your arse crack!

I have the same issue but I wouldn't go about knowingly flashing my bottom!

crumbsinthecutlerydrawer · 26/06/2017 23:12

He's lucky he doesn't live opposite me, dp shooed away a magpie at our window this morning (waving manically and making a ridiculous noise with the window open) before he'd put his pants on.

The magpie looked unimpressed at his ballsack.

indigox · 26/06/2017 23:21

He probably forgot about it in less time than it took you to write that post.

SomeOtherFuckers · 26/06/2017 23:25

Nope he has an old man mind set and that was humiliating . He could be just shut his blind. He was ensuring you knew he thought you were being improper x

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 26/06/2017 23:29

Fucking hell. Stop waffling.

ChickyChickyChoccy · 26/06/2017 23:33

I would take me top off too and sunbathe on the Sabbath Day covered in lard after that. Stupid sod.

SoENFJ · 26/06/2017 23:33

I agree with VestalVirgin.

I've some sympathy as well although my arse would never be hanging out of my jeans as I hate a breeze.

My neigbour once knocked on my front door to tell me that my son was naked in my sitting room. I was very tempted to say ''well, he's at home, he's 7, but thanks''. Instead I said 'oh gosh, how dreadful'' etc.

My backgarden is maybe 30 feet long and the houses that back on to mine have the same length garden. My bathroom window is frosted over but I've no blind. I did think about buy a blind so that people I've never met won't have to look at a blurry silhouette of a woman they don't know, but then I decided to save my money!

SoENFJ · 26/06/2017 23:35

however, if I need to pick up the shower gel when I'm in the shower, I don't bend and snap, I crouch down and I'll angle the moon away from the window cos there is a limit OP Wink

mammmamia · 26/06/2017 23:35

He was rude but this thread is hilarious Grin

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 27/06/2017 00:08

If you like exposing your bottom cleavage to the breeze and you can rustle up a crowd of like-minded friends, you could always invite Spencer Tunick over to do one of his large-scale nude photo shoots on your front lawn.

(It’s Art I tell you, Art!)

After that your poor neighbour would probably be grateful to return to the relative modesty of a quick, singular moon from you.

LauderSyme · 27/06/2017 00:10

YANBU. He was sexist and rude and definitely trying to make you feel ashamed. Unfortunately it seems to have worked. Not that I blame you because I think I would have reacted much the same. (I may have edited a tad more stringently though Wink)

I can't believe how many people have told you that you were out of order, rather than him. I think it's an obtuse misreading of the situation to imagine he was motivated by kindness.

He's a male chauvinist pig with no manners who thought he'd show you up for not being demure enough whilst demonstrating his right to police your appearance. Fuck him.

Oh, but YABU to even remotely attribute your justifiable rage at this kind of misogynistic shit to the hormonal shifts of your menstrual cycle. That's just doing the work of sexist pigs for them!

ethelfleda · 27/06/2017 00:19

YANBU and i think it was out of order of him to try embarrass you like that. Just a closing of the blind without the comments would have been sufficient. And I do suspect you'd have gotten no reaction at all if you were a man.

ethelfleda · 27/06/2017 00:21

Also agree with Lauder about the hormonal stuff too. If we as women can't trust our own judgement when it's that time of the month etc then that means we cannot stand up for ourselves when blokes use that as an excuse to not take us seriously.

Toadinthehole · 27/06/2017 02:05

YABU. Put your crack away and get out a good old British sense of humour.

Flatt7 · 27/06/2017 06:52

He should keep his opinion to himself. How rude. If I mentioned it every time I thought someone looked indecent, i'd for sure have nursed a few shiners by now.

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