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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour telling me he closed his blind to 'save me embarrassment'

86 replies

PixelLady42 · 26/06/2017 20:27

Not sure if I'm BU - I'd appreciate some wider opinions.

I was doing some work in my front garden (not a euphemism!) yesterday with my ddad and dh. I was clearing weeds and raking earth etc, and my ddad and dh were doing some prep for concrete mixing for our partly completed porch extension, so were also working out there. I was wearing old jeans as I was doing garden work, and yes they are a bit saggy and may have fallen down a bit and displayed more 'builders bum' than I'd like, and I was bending over to do the weeding and raking so may not have presented the most flattering side that I would normally take slightly more care to present, but I was trying to get on with work that needed to be done on a rather hot and busy day with many other things on my to-do list.

So, AIBU to be a bit non-plussed at my ~ 70 y.o male neighbour deliberately coming out of his house to tell me, in front of my ddad and dh, that he was closing his blind to 'save me embarrassment' - which he then promptly closed?!
If he's scandalised or horrified then he's entirely within his rights to close his blind if he's offended by the view, but I thought it was a bit odd / a bit much to come out first and tell me his reasoning?

There's not the most beautiful view from our row of houses front windows as there's a small patch of garden just about big enough for a single car-sized driveway which some neighbours have, with a road going along in front of it and more houses with the same opposite. I know the neighbours have a breakfast bar looking out to the front, and not that i'm the most observant but I've never noticed them sit there much in the 5 or more years we've been in our house. This was around lunch time at 11.30 or 12, so not exactly first thing when you may expect to have breakfast. Also we are to one side of them, so unless he was sitting right next to the window with his face plastered against it and craning his head around towards me to look at what my dh, my ddad and I were doing, I'm surprised that he could see that much.

At the least he could always just look the other way or close the blind if he really wanted to sit exactly in that spot and not be heinously offended, and at worst go and drink his cup of tea in his living room where I know they have ample cosy armchairs as I once walked through there when trying to fix our shared fence.
I was absolutely non-plussed and felt like I should be embarrassed and shamed by him going to the effort of pointing it out in front of my dh and ddad than if he'd just closed the blind or walked away and kept his views to himself. Then I got slightly angry as I thought yes, its not the nicest view, but should I really be made to feel ashamed by it due to someone else's opinion?

I am English, but more 'European' in my viewpoint than 'stiff upper lip British', so while I was vaguely aware my old jeans were not hoicked as high as MN judgy pants (tm) can sometimes be, I didn't much care as they weren't exactly falling around my ankles and I just wanted to get on with things.
If others flash some flesh as people are wont to do when it gets hot, then I couldn't give two hoots as long as they aren't breaking any decency laws, and even then if they were I would most likely do nothing more than just have a giggle to myself at how silly they looked. We are all human beings at the end of the day, and all have the same bits under our clothes.

Once it later occurred to me, which then annoyed me most, was that I bet he wouldn't have cared, or if he did, have dared to do the same, if I was a man? I like to try and think that women are treated equally wherever possible, but in this case i really felt I wasn't, and it got to me a bit.

Its 'that time of the month' - so I may be being entirely ridiculous and need to give my head a wobble and be told I shouldn't be flashing my builders bum for all to see, but there was just something a bit too ridiculous, enraging and shameful about it that I feel I shouldn't really have to embrace, and wouldn't have done so if this neighbour hadn't gone so deliberately out of his way to point it out.

All opinions, pearl clutching or otherwise, are gratefully received!

As this could technically be construed as a bit racy and inflammatory, I'll more likely bet than not it'll end up being printed in the daily mail.......in which case I will claim my £25000 article fee up front, thanks very much.

OP posts:
Neutrogena · 27/06/2017 06:59

YABU - just ignore the old fool.

Suntrapped · 27/06/2017 07:14

I would have found his reaction funny TBH and giggled about it for a while.

He was being very dramatic and OTT.

However do wear proper knickers in future. It's one thing to do it accidentally, another to flash your bottom knowingly (you knew you would be bending down to garden so why not wear clothes that prevent embarrassment?)

I feel equally disgusted and amused every time someone flashes half their bottom in public. Some of the women at my toddler group wear low cut jeans with a shortish top, so when they crouch down they reveal an expanse of bottom crack for all to see. My toddler tried to pop a Duplo chick down one last week Blush

Just why?? How hard is it to get hold of a long top or high waisted knickers?

RolandRat · 27/06/2017 10:21

I just find it very amusing that you consider your builders bum as "European"! What will the impact on these be under a hard Brexit?

Toadinthehole · 27/06/2017 11:04

Well, presumably, a "soft Brexit" means you need to go to the gym.

annielouise · 27/06/2017 11:23

I'm a bit nonplussed at how long your post is over nothing. He was passively aggressively pointing out he didn't want to look out his window at your builder's bum. No one wants to look at builder's bum, male or female.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/06/2017 11:27

DHouse, DGarden, DRaker, DCar... the fun is limitless Grin

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 27/06/2017 11:28

Lauder I'm not sure he was actually being sexist - you don't know that he wouldn't have done the same thing if it were a man flashing his arse crack.

Seriously, arse cleavage is grim - put it away! No need for your neighbour to be rude about it, but it's still not nice to have someone else's bum on display when you can just wear a belt or pull your trousers up a bit.

elevenclips · 27/06/2017 11:33

So a bit of arse crack was on display. Nobody should give a stuff. You were gardening not at a fucking wedding

If NDN had said that to me I'd have said don't worry I'm not embarrassed, bye.

Liara · 27/06/2017 21:37

MrsOver I do wear elasticated waists usually. Sometimes they sag anyway (I'm a bit skinny). If they do, I don't interrupt what I'm doing abruptly to rearrange them.

If people don't like it they can just not look! It's not hard, I don't take up that much space...

MrsOverTheRoad · 28/06/2017 02:40

Liara no...there's no excuse for it...wear a long top ffs. It's not hard!

Why should everyone be subjected to your arse crack?

Dewey595 · 28/06/2017 04:15

If people don't like it they can just not look!

Good grief.

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