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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To throw my own baby shower

65 replies

StumpyScot92 · 26/06/2017 13:17

OK so I am currently pregnant with my first child and have a massive bug bear about baby showers. I always hate that they're (usually) female only.

Me and my partner have a lot of male friends who are going to be a big part of our babies life and a lot of male family too.

I also hate the grabby nature of baby showers and the over the top flowery pink girly atmosphere (tomboy at heart)

So was talking with partner and we were thinking to nip it in the bud before one of our parents starts trying to throw me the stereotypical baby shower (which would happen regardless of any protests...) we could arrange our own. There's a big hall used for lots of family occasions nearby with a cheap bar. We were thinking about just throwing a sort of pre-baby party, everyone invited male and female just a big get together for a laugh really. Making it very clear when inviting that its a no present party, just presence. Probably still have a few daft games that will be more amusing after a few drinks (a good strong lemonade for me mind you ;) )but nothing overly stereotypical and flowery.

However we've had very mixed thoughts on this from other people. Funnily enough the guys think its a brilliant idea and say they would love it, the girls I've mentioned to say it isn't the done thing and I really shouldn't throw my own etc.

Is it really that much of a taboo?

OP posts:

HundredMilesAnHour · 26/06/2017 13:23

Taboo??? That sounds OTT. Personally I hate baby showers and will do anything to avoid one. If you want to throw a pre-baby party, go ahead. There's still a chance that a well-meaning annoying friend/relative may surprise you with a baby shower though.

BaldricksTrousers · 26/06/2017 13:25

If you want to throw a party, throw a party. Just don't call it a baby shower. That's pretty grabby imo.

The whole point of a baby shower is that people can treat you to an event where you and baby are the centre of attention, and you get gifts. The party itself is a gift and you should accept it gracefully, if it is offered. Be grateful that you have family in your lives who want to make a fuss!

2014newme · 26/06/2017 13:25

Have a party to celebrate arrival of baby we had a massive one when ours turned one.

sauceyorange · 26/06/2017 13:25

So... you don't like them but think the only answer is to organise one?

Maybe I'm missing something but surely easier to, I don't know, NOT have one?

witsender · 26/06/2017 13:26

Why have one at all? I only know one person who has ever had a baby shower of any variety, it isn't what everyone does.

OhDearToby · 26/06/2017 13:26

You don't have to have one at all!

I have 3 children and have many friends who have had babies over the last few years. There hasn't been one baby shower between us!

Madbum · 26/06/2017 13:27

Just tell people you don't want a baby shower.

NemosKnickers · 26/06/2017 13:27

a pre-baby party, really??

You don't like baby showers so you're going to throw a big one?

Wolfiefan · 26/06/2017 13:27

Two kids and never had a baby shower. Think they are awful grabby things. Have a party if you want but don't call it a baby shower. Have a last hurrah (for a while anyway?) party?!

RuggerHug · 26/06/2017 13:28

Just don't do it. Please.

user1483387154 · 26/06/2017 13:29

If you hate them then why have one?
I personally think they are awful and there is no way that I would either attend or throw one for myself.
Agree with PP have a party after the baby has been born to introduce them to your family and friends.

stitchglitched · 26/06/2017 13:30

I only know one person who had a baby shower and her best friend arranged it as a surprise. Hiring a hall to celebrate an upcoming birth sounds a bit self indulgent to me.

HolgerDanske · 26/06/2017 13:30

Spare yourself the indignity and just don't have one at all.

Why on earth has this become a thing??

Ugh I miss cringing just thinking about it.

Asparaguswee · 26/06/2017 13:30

Oh god no, just no. It doesn't make it any better because you think you're too cool for a baby shower......it's still bollocks, even if you throw in men and booze

Original poster

StumpyScot92 · 26/06/2017 13:31

Haha I know it sounds obvious to say just don't have one but I can guarantee if there isn't already something arranged either DM, MIL or my grandparents will definitely arrange it, not tell me and probably try to make it a surprise one so I won't be able to try and persuade otherwise.

Hence thinking if I throw a party they hopefully won't, and it means I get to make it less baby showery and more of a gathering.

OP posts:

Underthemoonlight · 26/06/2017 13:31

Its a bit hypocritical isn't it I think you want one really but you darent say

HolgerDanske · 26/06/2017 13:31

Hmmm, I am cringing, obviously.

Just don't do it.

ballroompink · 26/06/2017 13:32

I didn't realise people would have a problem with it. A friend of mine feels the same way and she and her husband recently organised a joint baby shower type thing for themselves where men and women were invited and no-one seemed to bat an eyelid. Everyone had a great time.

TimeToMoveOnUp · 26/06/2017 13:33

I think it sounds like a good idea

Peckwater · 26/06/2017 13:33

So... you don't like them but think the only answer is to organise one?

Maybe I'm missing something but surely easier to, I don't know, NOT have one?

^This. They aren't compulsory. I find it difficult to believe that family members would persist in organising a baby shower for someone who is vocal about not liking them -- surely your friends would warn you if someone started sending out invitations? And if they do, you just decline to cooperate.

AmyGardner · 26/06/2017 13:34

No, you really really can't do this, unless you want everyone you know to consider you a total spoiled princess for the rest of time.

I'm not saying that's how it is, but that's how it will seem.

Original poster

StumpyScot92 · 26/06/2017 13:34

I find it difficult to believe that family members would persist in organising a baby shower for someone who is vocal about not liking them

I would love to believe this too but my family has previous for it. Despite major protesting from the people it was supposedly for.

OP posts:

Mrbrownstone · 26/06/2017 13:34

Baby showers are soooo tacky. And extremely grabby.

RuggerHug · 26/06/2017 13:36

OP I hate them and was very clear I didn't want one. Someone decided to go the 'surprise' route but I got wind of it and didn't go. You don't have to have one and you say you don't want one. Make it clear you won't turn up so no one wastes their time and effort if you're so sure.

UnconsideredTrifles · 26/06/2017 13:36

I know people on here hate baby showers, but I enjoyed mine! I arranged and hosted it - I called it a shower because people were asking when I'd have one, but it was meant as an excuse to see friends who live a long way away. I requested no presents, but people did bring them anyway - that was their choice and I'd probably have done the same because I love buying baby things.

If you want one, go for it! Arranging it yourself will hopefully keep it in your control.

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