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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To throw my own baby shower

65 replies

StumpyScot92 · 26/06/2017 13:17

OK so I am currently pregnant with my first child and have a massive bug bear about baby showers. I always hate that they're (usually) female only.

Me and my partner have a lot of male friends who are going to be a big part of our babies life and a lot of male family too.

I also hate the grabby nature of baby showers and the over the top flowery pink girly atmosphere (tomboy at heart)

So was talking with partner and we were thinking to nip it in the bud before one of our parents starts trying to throw me the stereotypical baby shower (which would happen regardless of any protests...) we could arrange our own. There's a big hall used for lots of family occasions nearby with a cheap bar. We were thinking about just throwing a sort of pre-baby party, everyone invited male and female just a big get together for a laugh really. Making it very clear when inviting that its a no present party, just presence. Probably still have a few daft games that will be more amusing after a few drinks (a good strong lemonade for me mind you ;) )but nothing overly stereotypical and flowery.

However we've had very mixed thoughts on this from other people. Funnily enough the guys think its a brilliant idea and say they would love it, the girls I've mentioned to say it isn't the done thing and I really shouldn't throw my own etc.

Is it really that much of a taboo?

OP posts:

Ohhshiney · 26/06/2017 14:59

Go against the grain here but I say do it! My sister was desperate to throw me one so I made a compromise with her we had a big BBQ at ours with men all invited and just had a good time. She done 2 little games/ things (write a message on a baby grow and guess bump size) but that was it the rest was just a gathering of friends.
Some people brought presents but they were people that would be bringing me presents after the birth anyways so just gave them before

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 26/06/2017 15:23

Why not just have a party after the baby is born? Kind of like a Sip n See as mentioned.

Don't need to dress it up as anything else.

thethoughtfox · 26/06/2017 17:12

No. It is for you to be 'showered' with presents.To organise it yourself is just crass and makes you look greedy.

WarwickDavisAsPlates · 26/06/2017 17:16

Op are you in the US? If so I do understand that it's a tradition over there so your family probably will throw you one. Could you get a friend/ sister/ cousin to say they are throwing you one and hand out the invites (or whatever you would normally do) and just organise it your way with no presents? Maybe make it a house party and do a "bring a dish" type thing?

Confusedandintrigued · 26/06/2017 17:18

It's very "Teen Mom"

Lots of 15/16 year old American girls seem to do it.

FloatyCat · 26/06/2017 17:24

Goodness just don't, it is very cringey to do either. If you badge it as a party it may well turn into a massive piss up which you can't join in with

waitforitfdear · 26/06/2017 17:29

If your relatives disregard your feelings that much then they will interfere in your parenting.

If you don't want one say so and just refuse to go.

Grabby and commen

LiveLongAndProspero · 26/06/2017 17:55

No its not "taboo". It's just tacky. You know people will bring presents, they will feel obligated.

Gazelda · 26/06/2017 18:03

You're going to host a big party, while heavily pregnant, and expect it not to turn into a baby Shower? Parties usually have a theme, or a 'hook' e.g. Birthday, Halloween, engagement etc. Your hook is the pregnancy. There's no other way to dress it up other this it's a baby shower.
How will you decorate the hall - bootees, pastel colours, bump games will be baby themed.
Sorry, it's a baby shower, even if you explain you only want presence not presents. Guests will likely as not feel that a present would be polite.

Mumzypopz · 26/06/2017 18:32

Baby showers are a fairly new thing anyway. They definitely weren't the in thing when I had my kids. I think they are rude, having a party and expecting everyone to bring presents!!!!

RhubardGin · 26/06/2017 18:34

You're brave OP. Discussing having a baby shower on mumsnet!

Pre-baby party? Call it whatever you like, it's a baby shower 😂

To be honest I wouldn't bother because it's highly likely your family will organise a "traditional" one anyway from what you've said.

And people will bring presents, of course they will! It would be rude not to.

I personally don't mind baby showers, it's just a bit of harmless fun but call a spade a spade!

SpiritedLondon · 26/06/2017 18:42

Never been to one or heard of one being thrown around here thankfully. I understand that some people have a gift list though for theirs though. Classy....really classy 😂. Just go out for dinner or have a party after th birth ( unless the baby will be christened in which case wait do that!)

NerrSnerr · 26/06/2017 18:45

You can't call it a baby shower and then say no gifts, that will confuse everyone. If you want a party have one, if you want a shower have one, if not firmly tell your family you don't want one.

TipTopTipTopClop · 26/06/2017 18:49

God no! Why don't you just refuse to submit to one if you object to an all women shower?

You'll be thought of as grabby and entitled.

MrsKCoulter · 26/06/2017 20:10

It's hard to see your friends much when you have a new baby. It's always nice to have a party. We had a pre-baby party and it was lovely. No one thought it was grabby or tacky because they are our friends, which was the whole point. We didn't call it a baby shower and no one brought us gifts (though our friends who had already had babies gave us meals for our freezer which was wonderful).
Do what you like op, they're your friends and they will all be pleased for you and happy to spend some time with you before you become baby-obsessed.

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