To continue meeting up with ex eventhough he's got a girlfriend

[user1498403489]

I was with my ex for 5 years and I left him two years ago. It was a very difficult decision but I just couldn't marry him as I simply wasn't in love with him.

It hit him hard as he loved me. For a year he couldn't even talk to me but about 12 months ago we started spending more time together.

For the last year we've had a very amicable arrangement where we meet up one day a week and have a 'family day'.

Unknown to me my ex got a new girlfriend. I only found out when she text me (from my ex's phone) saying I was manipulative and taking advantage of my ex and making him do me too many favours!

I didn't reply and just Blocked her. My ex ensured me he wasn't seeing her anymore and it was just a short lived dating.

We continued our weekly meet up and I would upload pics of our day on Facebook. Unknown to me my ex was still seeing this woman and every time she saw th pics of our day she would go mad.

My ex has said they're still together but they argue because she doesn't want him meeting up with me every week. I suppose I can understand that. He still wants to meet up but asked me not to put any pics of us both on social media.

I'm conflicted now. I hate the idea of 'secretly' meeting up. I hate he idea that I have to hide the fact I'm with my Son's Dad. I feel bad for meeting up at all if he's not being honest with his girlfriend so everything tells me to stop our meet ups.

However, my Son loves our family day out and as we both get on really well as friends it does seem a shame to stop over a girlfriend that is highly unlikely to be around this time next year.

I wouldn't know how to tell me Son we won't be having our family day anymore.

If I gave my ex an ultimatum me or her I am sure he would choose me and our son. But provided she's not evil I think it's good for him to have a girlfriend.

So what do I do? AIBU to keep having our 'family day' and just not put anything about it on social media. It's not me who is being sneaky it's my ex. Or would you just stop having them?

I Know some people might think it's a bad idea but it's worked well for over a year and we still get on very well. We're just not IN love with each other anymore.

And I've always always put pics of our days up.

People know we're not a couple but know we still get on.

The only reason was to share my day with family and for them to see pics of my Son and I. The same reason everyone else who uses Facebook uses it.

I didn't even know she would be able to have access to those pictures.

The problem with your weekly 'family days' is that you are not a family any more. You are separated parents. Co-parenting and co-operation is great, but you are not a family. Family has a specific meaning, it means relations or couples with children. It does not mean separated parents. When you split up, he and you and your DC ceased to be family.

One day a week is a lot of time, I cannot see how you are moving on, either of you.

He's not a creep. He's a great dad and a good friend in most ways.

The reason he didn't speak to me for a year was because he was devastated about the split. He was diagnosed with severe depression after I left him and was suicidal. He was off work. I felt awful.

Its very judgemental to say he's a creep.

He's over me now but he was devastated for months. I feel very guilty about leaving him but I couldn't have stayed with him when I wasn't in love with him.

Have your "family" time but I don't understand why you have to broadcast it on Facebook.. other than to prove a point as you know it's winding her up.

It's also quite nasty and presumptuous to assume he doesn't like her. He's proved he's a liar already. It's actually quite awful to dismiss her as you are, because you 'know him'. You might not love him but she does and she doesn't want her relationship with a 3rd person in. You aren't family now you've split, you are co-parents. You'll always be tied, yes, but that's all.

But he does like his gf,his gf likes him.Whether thats to your liking is not here or there.You dont matter.

Hes trying to make his gf jealous and if you had any decency you wouldnt be a part of it.

See we've both moved on.

The presence of our 'family day' doesn't mean we still have feelings for each other. I've never had feelings for him so nothing to move on from. They're just a day where we spend time with our son and each other.

We enjoy each other's company and to be honest, whether it's right or wrong our friendship means A lot to both of us. We've known each other years and know each other incredibly well.

Are you tagging your ex in the photos? If yes, of course she could see them and I'd be very surprised if you didn't know that.

Considering you say how hard it was on him and it took him 12 months to be able to speak to you, have you not considered that you are giving him false hope that you're all going to be a happy family again.

I get the impression that he likes his girlfriend enough, but is hopeful you will take him back so tells you that he's not that bothered by her. However only you would know that. You might not be in love with him but that doesn't mean he isn't in love with you.

Well then what's the thread for?

You're happy to continue. You don't think he gives a shit about her. So it's all a bit pointless, isn't it?

I'm not entirely sure what you're asking as every time someone tells you that you're wrong about his gf, you start why you're not changing anything and how you know him better than she does. What is it you're asking if you aren't going to stop your 'family' days?

How hard is it just to have a little respect for her and not broadcast you and him to the world? Your attitude towards her is horrible and belittling her by claiming he doesn't like her says everything. He is not a nice guy to allow this disrespect of her.

Why has everything got to be documented on social media? Why have you got to tag him? Why doesn't he just change his settings so he can't be tagged in things without permission?

I know he's not that into her. Trust me when I say I know him.

You do not.

If he really wanted her to be a long term part of his life he'd have acted very very differently than he has.

None of his family have met her, he hasn't introduced her to our son, he's not introduced her to me.

He has kept her hidden completely. He seems to never make plans to see her. Or rarely bothers to see her. She admitted this when she sent me her message. So even she knows he's not that into her. Which deep down is the cause of all this. My ex is being a jerk and messing her about. I'm sure she's not a bad person. Just frustrated with him.

But his relationship with her isn't My business and I don't want to be involved with it. I just don't know what to do about us meeting up.

The OP is whether to continue meeting up for our days out. I'd rather keep away from their relationship. It's horrible being aware that someone you don't even know resents you and is angry at you.

All I want to do is have an amicable arrangement.

People read weird shit in to posts...

Op there's nothing wrong with your relationship, it's the gold star of divorce. I'd be kind to the ex and not post pics of you as a family as it's not really necessary.

Ugh. You sound smug and a pain in the arse tbh. Trying to paint yourself as some modern family and her being an issue. Frankly, you sound like you love the drama. I feel sorry for this woman.

I don't tag my ex in any of the pics. I also have her blocked. I don't know how she's seeing everything.

I presume she's got a friend to look.

It is entirely her fault she's seen the pics. She has searched me on Facebook and sought those pics out. That is not my problem.

My ex doesn't have an active profile.

Yes people are really WAY too much into this.

My ex and I just want to have the best possible relationship we can for our Son.

Why does OP love the drama?

I think because I'm simply not in love with him I don't see it as us being a 'family'. To me it's just an innocent meet up.

I always presumed my ex felt the same.

Why don't you have privacy settings when you're putting pictures of your DS up?

I'm separated. We hang out with our children because it makes them happy. He hasn't got a girlfriend but I hope we would anyway. Anyone who would stop you from being the best parent to your child isn't someone you want to be with

I didn't know The pics were on public.

I do now and made sure to have the pics much more private.

It's my choice what privacy settings I have on pics though. They're my pics.

Well if he's not interested in her then I don't see why you are even asking about this. Do whatever you want - as you say, they'll not be together this time next year anyway...

Thanks cheesebubbles

Unfortunately some people believe a woman has to be a jealous,vindictive cow who hates any woman who her ex dates.

We can't just be nice normal people can we!

I asked because eventhough I know he's not that into her I feel bad as he's making out to her we don't meet up to stop her making a fuss.

That doesn't sit quite right with me having to keep everything secret.

To me our meet ups are completely innocent so nothing to be secretive about.