To think this is actually a Millstone not a favour?

[EssieTregowan]

I will preface this by saying it's not a PIL bashing thread at all, they are wonderful and mean well.

They are obsessive gardeners. Their garden is utterly amazing, the sort that could be opened to the public.

Our garden was up until a few weeks just grass and patio, which suited me brilliantly as I am not a gardening person. I always buy a few ready planted pots in the summer, but that's my limit.

A few weeks ago they came over with their tools and six shrubs that they'd lovingly grown for us. Dug out a couple of borders and planted them. They assured me it would all look after itself. I was quite happy with this, and very grateful obviously.

They wanted to come over today to replant my pots as they consider buying plants a waste of money (fair enough).

But they've actually planted loads in the garden as well! MIL took me round and told me what needs dead heading, that it all needs watering at least twice a week, what needs digging out in the autumn and what can be left etc etc.

Now, I'm really not trying to be ungrateful but this is not at all what I wanted. It's the opposite of the low maintenance garden we discussed. The shrubs were all nicely spaced so the bit of weeding needed was a doddle. Now there's all sorts of different things mixed in and I'll have no idea what's meant to be there or not.

I had left them to it (DH was helping them) so didn't realise until it was too late. I was obviously outwardly very grateful and enthusiastic when they proudly showed off all their hard work, but inwardly crying with exhaustion at the thought of it all.

I know the obvious answer is to leave it all to dh but he works crazy hours and I'm a SAHM so that wouldn't be fair.

This is just a whinge really and I'll suck it up. But AIBU to think it's not really a favour when it involves ongoing hard work for me?

I am so not gardener and the last two gardens we had were lovely when we arrived but wound up covered in bindweed and other weeds by the time we left a few years later. I had no idea what any of the plants were so couldn't look up how to maintain them and didn't recognise any weeds when I saw them so was reluctant to pull things up that could have been plants!. We did get a gardener to clear the overgrowth/weeds and to cut hedges twice a year (which cost hundreds of pounds each year by the way!) but after 5 years, what had been lovely gardens looked quite sad and neglected, though not a nightmare as we did pay to gt them cleared regularly

Then we moved to a house with a terrible garden and decide to get in landscapers/garden designers. We now have a lovely useable garden. As we have started from scratch, I know what all the plants are (I have a plant map and list) with basic info about how to look after them. I can now recognise my plants and know what is a weed so can weed better and am quite enjoying this. I want it to stay reasonably nice and weeds really are something that if they get out of hand are really difficult to deal with. Little and often seems to be working so far

However , gardening really is just another thing to do now. Before it was not on my radar but now I have the "the garden needs weeding/watering" voice in my head most days after work as well as the cleaning/cooking/admin etc stuff I do after work. NO WAY would I have wanted to do any of this before when DS was smaller as I had too many other things to do.

So overall YDNBU

Actually, I agree with CORAL - this could well be a mix up around what "low maintenance garden" means - to the OP it's "cut the grass once a fortnight in the summer, once a month in the winter, turn the hosepipe on grass if we have a heatwave that lasts more than a week, unless the DCs have a waterfight in the garden instead." to the PIL - if 1 hour a day gardening is deemed "normal", 2-3 hours a day "high maintenance", then 1-2 hours a week would be "low maintenance".

Let stuff be, it'll live or die, if they comment, be clear "I really don't want to do any gardening beyond cutting the grass every other week, so anything that goes in the garden has to be able to look after itself as I won't do any gardening."

DH is like you, he's clear, he doesn't want to do gardening - if he had his way, we'd put in plastic fake grass so we didn't even have to cut the lawn, or just deck the lot. We have a lovely garden, but it is down to me. I would never presume to give him gardening jobs to do. He has no interest and doesn't even like looking at flowers

Get them over to do the keep-up 😊

Aww OP, sounds like the PiLs were trying to do something nice but it got a bit lost in translation! As PP said, bark chippings are you friend, get a thick layer down now to prevent weeds. Bribe the kids to water garden twice a week until the end of August. Don't bother digging anything up, if it doesn't survive the winter it wasn't meant to be in your garden (the bark chippings will help protect things a bit). Deadheading really isn't necessary either - it will encourage the plants to bloom more but nothing gets deadheaded naturally! Get PiLs round to chop things back if it starts looking too untidy. So, aside from getting some chippings down, there really isn't much to be done, I promise!

"cut the grass once a fortnight in the summer, once a month in the winter, "

Once a month? Mine gets done in October and then again in March.

This would piss me off too. Yes it probably won't take that long to maintain but just because you're a SAHM and have time free doesn't mean other people get to decide how you should fill it.
Just do the minimum and if it does die then give a weak shrug and remind them how awful you are at gardening.

I think some people find it really hard to understand that other people don't share their enthusiasms. The pils love gardening so assume you will too, once you have the opportunity. I agree with you, OP, I would just find it a burden.