Was I terribly rude?

[PsammeadPaintedTheLion]

Background - DD2 is 4 and a half. She has a full name, which we often call her by, and a nickname which is derived from that name, which we also often call her by. Say her name is Clarabelle (it's not) and we call her Clara as a nickname.

MIL and FIL, since she was born, call her by her nickname, but when referring to her full name, very often get it wrong. They'll say, for example 'Clarissa'. They do not do it maliciously, that's absolutely for sure. They see dd2 almost every day as we are neighbours. I always politely correct them. It's not happened for a while and I have been quietly referring to her by her full name in front of them, to get it into their heads.

However, today, DD2 was in a performance in our town, and afterwards, FIL introduced her to a friend of his, very proudly, as his 'granddaughter, Clarissa'. I firmly, but not angrily, said 'no, Clarabelle' and he said 'oh, it doesn't matter'. I strongly disagreed with him and said 'it does matter, it's her name, and it's been 4 and a half years now'. I said this very firmly although not aggressively. The poor woman who was being introduced looked horrified, and my MIL, who is lovely, rapidly changed the subject and tried to jolly us all along, which was probably good.

I chatted to him again after a minute in my normal way, I'm not normally so stern and I felt bad, but didn't bring it up again. Do I owe him an apology do you think? I asked dh and he just laughed weakly and would not be drawn. I am not scary, honest!

WIBU, considering he was trying to introduce us to someone and I made a bit of a scene?

I'd leave it. It sounds like you probably needed to say it like that to get the message through.

Your timing was off, but after 4 and a half years I'm not surprised you finally cracked.

Who cares if it was rude or not. Of course your dds name matters.

He's probably a bit embarrassed about being called out. Just leave it

He was probably embarrassed he got her name wrong, and you publicly called him out on it. The good news is, he probably won't do it again,,,

Four and a half years and they still can't pronounce her name? WTAF.

I think you just picked entirely the wrong time to say it really, due to the poor woman probably being embarrassed.

I would have sat them down years ago and had a firm chat with them, if it really bothered me.

Have your PILs been ok with you since?

i understand your exasperation, but don't think it was the time/place to make an issue of it. You embarrassed him, and made him look foolish in front of a friend when presumably he was proud/excited about his granddaughter's performance.

I get you OP - my own parents still get my son's name slightly wrong (and its not that unusual!), it is infuriating

I don't think you need to apologise

I'm amazed you made it this long w/o pinning him to a wall and shouting IT'S FUCKING CLARABELLE, ALRIGHT?!!!

Don't apologise.

Perhaps your timing was off, or you were a bit abrupt but he's been getting her name wrong for 4 years so you WNBU!

I'd leave it now, but I'd be surprised if the woman you were being introduced to thought more of you for arguing publicly.
Fil saying 'it doesn't matter' wasn't great, but I would have left it there and found a way of making your point later. not in front of a complete stranger
All my life I've had the middle vowel of my name stretched by older generation. It's irritating but not deliberate, cause anyone over a certain age does it.

My name is not English and it really pisses me off that I always get called something entirely different, so I don't think YABU. It's been 4.5 years, ffs and it's his grandchild! How hard can it be?! I'm always very careful to ask children how to pronounce their names before I say it on the register and to ask for their preferred name/shortening etc. It's important, it's the only thing we truly own, plus it's handy to know names, they're powerful and usually the best way to get someone's attention.

God how can they STILL be getting it wrong?! Jesus, that would irk me something chronic!!

You were right to call him on it but the conversation should have been had in private. How on earth the mistake was still being made after over 4 years I have no idea.

Not at all rude. If that had been the first incident then yes. But four years! You'd be forgiven for tattooing it on their foreheads.

Also my dad has mispronounced DD's name for 6 years. I love him so much I can't bear to correct him.

Start calling him by the wrong name. And no you were not rude.

I have a family member (by marriage) and she has known me 8 years now and calls me the wrong name ALL the time.

For example if my name was Clara she calls me Carla.

I eventually properly snapped at her and said my name is Clara!

I think she felt embarrassed BUT it's just plain rude to constantly get someone's name wrong after literally years. So YANBU.

FWIW I feel your pain on this one.

DS has a French name (think François but it'd not) and my parents always pronounce it wrong - like frank- warrr.

Super annoying!

It was definitely rude to correct someone whilst in the middle of being introduced to a third person.
No question about whether it was rude.
OP's query is whether she should apologise.

It's not, not it'd

I wouldn't apologise.

You're FIL started the bloody thing by getting you DDs name wrong again. RUDE.

Then when you reminded him of her actual name he brushed it off saying it didn't matter. RUDE.

HE didn't handle it well. A smile, a quick sorry, I keep doing that, anyway, Mrs Friend this is my family ... would have stopped any further comments.

God after 4 1/2 years of consistently getting their own granddaughter's name wrong and whom they see all the time, I think you were positively zen like in your response.

Ok, you snapped (finally after being endlessly reasonable) and everyone looked . Well good. Because saying 'oh it doesn't matter' is the incredibly rude bit in all this. It most def does matter. Nothing is more personal than your own name!

Why can't they get it right? It seems almost PA to be getting it wrong all the time.

When my ds was born we gave him an uncommon (but not outlandish or never heard of) name and a more well known middle name.

Mil was clearly phased by this and constantly kept calling him by his middle name. She got the message after some weeks how infuriating I found this and eventually stopped. In her case it was def a PA thing. She preferred the middle name and 'kept forgetting' .

I think if it'd continued for years as in your case I'dve have been more than a bit sharp. So no, I think you should not be apologising at all.