Ex is now looking for his CDs. We are divorced/separated for 8 years!

[Elendon]

I've no idea where they are. They could have gone with the any old iron man or are in the house. But, I just wish he would fuck off out of my life. He expected his children, two of which are adults to take care of it. AIBU to think, fuck off! He had a chance to get them when he left. He's with a new partner and has twins.

He didn't text me though Worra he texted the children. They have no idea, and aren't in the least bit interested. They 'passed the message' onto me!

Seriously!

Give him the vinyl and tell him the CDs were lost in the move.

Just email him that you gave them to charity shop when you moved and give him the vinyls.

I didn't say he texted you.

That's exactly my point.

You are the only person involving yourself in all of this. Just tell the kids if they don't want to look for them, that's nothing to do with you.

Text him 'No, you are not coming round my house to look for CDS. If I find any I'll pass them on but they were probably all binned after the FINAL settlement 8 years ago'.

Reply inviting him, Susie and the kids for dinner and a Hunt The CD session.

'We could kill two birds with one stone - it would be lovely to finally meet your family and I could show you around the house? Oh, and look for the CDs'

Give him a Spotify voucher CDs are sooooo last century!

Mountain - meet molehill.

In the divorce settlement he was instructed by the court to get his stuff out of the house (on my insistence). He took his office equipment and that was all. He was allowed to come into the house to get other things (he had a big van) but he declined.

I think it's unreasonable of him to ask now I'm in my own home for this. Really pissed off about it actually.

Waahim and Bayleaves

I get your pissed off - but your adult kids aren't interested in looking and he isn't in your house trying to find them.

It's a non issue.

You can easily ignore - or ask your adult children not to pass such messages on in future.

This is not your problem - if you don't want to look don't - and don't give him any head space over it.

It is unreasonable of him to ask. I'm not surprised that you are annoyed.

However this only has to impact you if you let it.

Tell the grown up kids they are welcome to look if they choose, but that the invitation doesn't extend to their father.

They wash your hands of it. Not your circus not your monkeys.

Just be glad he's someone else's problem now.

Just tell your children to tell him they are gone.

It is not hard, and there is no need for you to give any more thought to it than that, nor to expend emotional energy on being angry about it.

If he starts to kick up a fuss then you can tell him a big fuck you and to stop being ridiculous.

worraliberty are you my mum? She found some school stuff of my dad's in her loft recently & passed it onto me to give to him. Although, I think they split up about 20 years ago!

Why even look for 10 minutes? Send him a text saying "Nope don't have them, sorry."

Tell him, you have moved since then, and didnt come across them so no they are not there

Tell the DC to tell him you binned all of his stuff when you left the old house.

Thank you for all your replies and they are so supportive.

I actually washed the front door today because I knew he was coming to bring the children out for the day. He was controlling about cleaning.

I don't tidy the house anymore. This is my house, my rules.

It was my brother, who was staying with me for a week, who was shocked at his behaviour and told me never to let him into the house again (this was before I moved).

You really are making way more of this than necessary. You've been given lots of different examples of how you can message him but you seem focused on being angry about it more than anything.

All you really need to do is tell your adult children that you don't know where you the cds are but you'll keep your eyes peeled in case you see them and let them know if you do.

Then carry on with your weekend and perhaps stop, as a pp has suggested, making mountains out of molehills.

Don't overthink things - you are not married and no longer responsible for him or his things after all of these years

Just send a text or message via dcs saying "sorry I have not seen them - but I found some vinyls"

Given that he has had 8 years to remove these things so they can't be very important if he has lived without them I would not put in any effort

Actually my house is presentable to my rules. It's perfectly normal now.

I know I should not let him get into my brain.

He had the time and the opportunity to pick up his stuff.

I just get into a panic about it. I wish I didn't, but seeing the replies here has been extremely helpful.

Thank you!

I knew there was more to it due to your emotional reaction and I can totally understand that you are angry at his inference that surely you will still have his old tat around the place. Do not give him any space in your mind. You don't have them, end of.

Ironically my Dad still mutters about the Bohemian Rhapsody single (vinyl) that is supposedly his but Mum kept after the divorce. This was 35 years ago. She found a bunch of singles in her loft and gave them to him after he set up his old record player again recently. It wasn't among them... They get on fine the vast majority of the time, but this particular single...

My dad always says if it's not an important document and you've not used it in 3 months you should chuck it as it won't be missed. 8 years is taking the piss I wouldn't even bother looking I'd tell him they weren't there.