To want to take 2 months off sick

[strongnstable]

Regular poster, name changed as this is very identifying.
I am undergoing a serious, planned operation in the autumn and the consultant has told me that I was likely to need three months off work, maybe less, maybe more. The operation will affect my mobility and I won't be able to drive or take public transport for 3 months either. I have been struggling into work and have not taken a single day off for this condition despite pain and are v rarely off sick anyway (1 or 2 days per year). I'm v senior, in a vvvv busy role and have been open and transparent with work about time off required suggesting that I will be needing at least 8 weeks fully off and then possibly some work from home. Work have been supportive and arranged appropriate level of cover and told me that I should come back when ready etc. I also have a good team with a number of great managers. My sick pay isn't good and my husband is a contractor but we have saved to cover this drop in salary and it's likely my husband will be able to return to employment after a month which will be fine. I will need him around initially to help with DC and also to help me. I'm going to be very poorly. He is happy to do this.However every other person I speak to from family to friends keeps insisting that I should probably return working from home or getting taxis in the office from a month in. That I will be bored at home and I'm indulging myself having longer off. AIBU to want 2 months off to recover fully before returning to a ball breaking job with two small DCs?

[planetclom]

Depends what it is you are having done. People always think you need three months off for a hysterectomy for instance and you don't if you have had an uneventful recovery and work in a sedentary job you can be back within 4-6 weeks.
This goes for many many surgeries in that what used to be the norm is way over what is needed in most cases.
Get you employer to refer you to Occupational Health

[Gooseygoosey12345]

You definitely shouldn't go back before you feel up to it. Yeah you might get bored but your health is the most important thing. Don't worry about what everyone else is saying, it's not their body and it's not their business. Work sounds supportive though which is great!

[DonttouchthatLarry]

I've had 3 operations on my feet, being off work for 6-8 weeks each time. After a few weeks I could have gone in to work but was signed off and couldn't drive there anyway (no laptop but had offered to work from home if they'd agreed to it) but there was no way I'd have been up to working in the first few weeks and that's not even major surgery! Listen to your doctor, not friends or family, you'll only delay your recovery bu doing too much too soon.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Good luck, OP. I think people often say things like 'It'll be fine!' and 'It probably won't be as bad as you're fearing' and the like, when somebody has had bad news or is worried about something, because they think the other person needs geeing up.

Now, sometimes this might be a good plan, if the person they're responding to has form for being very negative and pessimistic, or is an inveterate worrier whose friends feel they need help looking at things more realistically.

But in a case like yours where you are simply passing on the expert advice you've been given, that approach is misplaced, or perhaps just very clumsily worded. I'd just ignore them, really.

[shinynewusername]

It's much better to plan to have the full 3 months off - that way, your employer can get cover arrangements in place, rather than just muddling through, hoping you can work from home.

Also, remember you may be on strong painkillers that may affect your decision-making (even if you are taking painkillers now, you may be on higher doses).

I am a GP. I see many more people who struggle back earlier than they should and end up regretting it than I see skivers. It is better to make a proper recovery than to go back too soon - and it's better for your employer too. Google 'presenteeism' - there is loads of evidence that having employees at work when they are not really well is much worse for a company than having them off on sick leave.

[swingofthings]

My experience is that doctors tend to give the longest possible time to recover to protect themselves. Most people I know who've had surgery have been fine weeks earlier.

I personally don't understand how this is something that can be planned in advance. How could you know now when you'll be ready to go back or whether you'll be so bored you'd rather go back in pain? What's wrong with assuming that it could be 8 weeks, possibly more, but with the possibility that it could be less too?

[JimmyChoosChimichanga]

I've been signed off since just before Christmas. I am due back in October. I am following medical advice. If I don't and this goes wrong, I will be a cripple for life. I don't give a flying fuck what friends or work say. I am getting well for me however long it takes.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

If medical advice is to take 3 months off, take 3 months off. Fuck what anyone else says, your Consultant knows your situation best here.

Rushing yourself back to work sooner than you should could considerably slow your recovery and even cause you further health problems. It's really not worth rushing these things.

My mum used to feel guilty for being off sick during her chemotherapy treatment - because the man she tended to sit next to at chemo would come to treatment from work & then go back to work straight after! Mum was far too ill to have done this herself - but somebody sitting next to her saying things like "well, you just have to keep going don't you?" and "well, people are depending on me" made her feel like crap at a time she already felt like crap IYSWIM.

Listen to no-one other than your medical team & your own mind. Do what is best for YOU.

[midsummabreak]

If you invest in your proper recovery time you will be rewarded with less complications over the long term.

[eddielizzard]

you don't have to canvas your friends and family for their opinions and base your convalescence on their general consensus, their opinion isn't more important than your consultant's.

a response is 'wow that person is incredibly lucky. my consultant has told me 3 months bed rest.' or even not respond at all. you don't need to justify yourself to them.

the only people that have any say whatsoever is medical staff and work. between them you work it out.

i suspect people are telling you positive stories for the misguided aim of being positive. but you have to be realistic.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Who cares if aunty Jan was climbing Everest and doing back flips. You're not her. Looking after small children when you are poorly is bloody hard work. Good luck with the op

[RedPeppers]

Forget about people who says that you should be able to get back to work within a month have absolutely NO IDEA what you surely will require.
Please listen to your consultant and forget and what others are saying. It's essential that you take the time you need to recover. Otherwise it will make things much harder in the long run (and depending of the reason why you have the surgery, might well also have some effect on how efficient the surgery will be)

Fwiw from what yu have told us in the OP, I would actually plan 4+ months off. The IF you can actually go back to work early, this will be a bonus, rather than stressingnut or forcing yourself to go back earlier if you aren't up for it after 3 months, which your consultant said could happen.

[MycatsaPirate]

Well thank god your work are being supportive!

I have had two spinal surgeries and both times took much longer to recover than I anticipated. The second one in particular I was stuck in bed for four, long, tedious weeks as the wound wasn't healing properly and the pain was incredibly bad. I literally had to suck it up and luckily had a huge pile of books on my kindle to read.

Take as long as you need. Going back before you are fully fit will likely end up with you needing more time off later on so take your time, enjoy the enforced rest time and tell your family that while it's fucking fabulous that Aunty Jean was climbing mountains etc, you aren't planning to and you don't want to hear any more about it.

[youarenotkiddingme]

I think if this is an autumn planned surgery so Sept/oct time you shouldn't even be thinking of returning until after Christmas and even then only when you are well enough.

Even then you need a phased return organised via OH which may include some WFH followed by some WFH/few days a week in office building up to FT work.

Please don't underestimate the major challenge of returning FT completely from the off.

[daisychain01]

Doctors don't just advise a long period of recuperation "to cover themselves"!

They do it because they know people are individuals, need differing amounts of recovery depending on their health going into a major operation and want to ensure their patient does not fret about getting back to work. They also know there are no sodding guarantees in life, and that health (and life itself) should always take precedence over working.

OP, whoever these fuckwits are, acting like armchair consultants and telling you they know better than your doctor, they need to butt out of your life.

Keep your decisions to yourself, you don't have to justify what you do, even if you are asking people to support you after the op. If they don't like it, their tough luck.

Take whatever time you need, and get Fitness notes to cover your absence.

[Needanewaura]

Mummy makes a good point. When you have youngish children you can't completely rest in the same way. Even when my husband had a day off sick with, say, a bug, he'd completely rest and be better the next day. I would be still doing the childcare and take several days to recover. Make sure you take the time you need. You're obviously well thought of at work for very good reasons. Strange friends that don't have your welfare at heart. Or are they the competitive type who never take a minute off work, always struggle through (giving their illnesses to everyone else) and work eleventy billion hours a week with no breaks. Either way, listen to your own body and make sure you get well before getting back to work.

[Ollivander84]

I'm 6 weeks post spinal surgery and no way ready to go back to work. I think I spent the first 3 weeks sleeping

[peachgreen]

I rushed back to work after 2 weeks after having my gallbladder out. It was horrendous. I'd say it took me 6 months to recover and 12 months to feel 'normal'. It wasn't worth rushing back as I set my recovery back so much and couldn't work at full capacity for a long time. Take the time your HCPs recommend - you deserve it and you can afford it.

[sleeponeday]

How lucky for these people that they've never had significant surgery. If they had, they'd know surgeons don't pull numbers from their backsides.

You'll know when you are ready to go back. And you'd be crazy to go any earlier - could jeopardise your long term recovery, and thus health.

Really sorry that you are facing this level of treatment, and also that people are being so intrusive and unsupportive.

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Listen to the doctors, don't be a hero and try and rush back. It will harm your recovery.
I ignored doctors and went back far sooner than I should have after a knee operation. I didn't do a good job at work, my knee didn't recover well, and I ended up with a stomach ulcer because I relied on strong painkillers to get myself up and about sooner than I should have.
Learn from mistake !
Best wishes for the operation

[DJBaggySmalls]

Your consultant said you may need more than 3 months off work to recover so plan for 4.
Ignore the people who believe disabled people just need to try harder.

[alfagirl73]

Speaking from personal experience, ignore the comments from people - the only opinion you need to listen to is your consultant's.

I had major surgery a few years ago - was told I'd need 3-4 months off work. Work were fine and supportive but some people, jeez, people saying "oh it's nothing" and telling me I'd be up and about in a couple of weeks etc... etc... Well... if a few VERY careful steps to the loo counts as "up and about" then yes I was! There is a massive difference between pottering around the house dealing with your basic needs with lots of rest... and going to work. The trouble with going back to work too quickly is that while people mean well, they generally forget very quickly that you are recovering from major surgery and the demands on you make no concessions for your condition. I have learned that you get no extra thanks for rushing back - all that happens is you realise you've done too much too soon, and spend your days feeling horrendous. Worst case scenario you end up being signed off again because you've set your recovery back - or indeed - caused yourself further harm.

Definitely take the time off you need - do not go back to work until you are genuinely ready. If you are worried about being bored, prepare for that - line up lots of box sets, books, other things that you otherwise don't have time for. However, above all, listen to your body and listen to the medical experts. Just because "Auntie Mary's cousin's neighbour's mate apparently had a leg cut off and ran in the olympics the following week" doesn't mean you have to compromise YOUR recovery from YOUR surgery.

[SaS2014]

You'd be mad to ignore medical advise and follow advise of non medical friends/family.
People VERY regularly underestimate how long it will take to recover from major surgery. And pushing too hard too fast will lead to a longer slower more painful recovery overall.
Take the time drs recommend and only go back when you are physically comfortable and able to do so safely.
Yes you might get bit bored but such is life.
Good Luck with the op.

[coconutpie]

You need to take a minimum of 3 months off. Tell everybody else to mind their own fucking business. You are very senior, your employer will want to make sure you are fully recovered when you get back. They have arranged cover so no worries there. Stop stressing about what other people think and focus on your own recovery. Best of luck

[Jux]

Your consultant has said 3 months, maybe more. That's all you need to know really.

I like your plan of initial ventures out for cake. I think that's essential to your recovery

Good luck with the op (am waiting for one myself, and doc has said that as ms compounds everything I should look at 6m recovery time!) and hope recuperation goes well. Enjoy your quiet time, and don't push yourself at first. Let it go as it goes.