To want to take 2 months off sick

[strongnstable]

Regular poster, name changed as this is very identifying.
I am undergoing a serious, planned operation in the autumn and the consultant has told me that I was likely to need three months off work, maybe less, maybe more. The operation will affect my mobility and I won't be able to drive or take public transport for 3 months either. I have been struggling into work and have not taken a single day off for this condition despite pain and are v rarely off sick anyway (1 or 2 days per year). I'm v senior, in a vvvv busy role and have been open and transparent with work about time off required suggesting that I will be needing at least 8 weeks fully off and then possibly some work from home. Work have been supportive and arranged appropriate level of cover and told me that I should come back when ready etc. I also have a good team with a number of great managers. My sick pay isn't good and my husband is a contractor but we have saved to cover this drop in salary and it's likely my husband will be able to return to employment after a month which will be fine. I will need him around initially to help with DC and also to help me. I'm going to be very poorly. He is happy to do this.However every other person I speak to from family to friends keeps insisting that I should probably return working from home or getting taxis in the office from a month in. That I will be bored at home and I'm indulging myself having longer off. AIBU to want 2 months off to recover fully before returning to a ball breaking job with two small DCs?

[noramum]

A colleague once had this issue with friends. She had time off after major surgery and in the last couple of weeks at sick leave was told she is fine to go back. The reason: she was seen in town, having lunch or a coffee, doing some shopping.

What nobody actually understood was that this was all part of her recovery, actively encouraged by the doctor to ease her back into normal day-to-day routines to see how much her strength had recovered and to also get out and battle depression of being coped up for too long.

She came into the office twice for paperwork and a small event and we all could see how fragile she still was, she actually eased back into work with reduced hours to enable her to get back to full strength without a relapse.

I would just stop talking about your recovery time, any negative comments can be stopped by saying that you act on instructions by your doctors.

[kmmr]

Having had a range of major surgeries, I say take the time off. Your work is supportive, so why kill yourself when it's not needed.
Recovery takes ages. Much longer than you think. If it's a major internal surgery then your body is healing for ages which is incredibly tiring. Like cripplingly tiring. Sleeping for most of the day after minor activities.
My work made me come back slowly. I'd been off for about 4 months and started back 1 day a week for 2 weeks, then 2 days, 3 etc. I ended up always working from home on Wednesdays, which I would take very easy. They were great and I am so glad they made me take it slow. After the first day back I was shattered!!
I've never been full time since actually. 4 days is now my standard work pattern 4 years later.

[Drupie]

Of course YANBU! Why would you listen to the opinions of ill informed third parties over doctors? If your work are supportive then don't give these people a second thought. It's this kind of guilt about taking time off sick that makes people more ill in the long term. You are not being self indulgent, do what your doctor advised and get better.

[BG2015]

I'm currently off sick, I'm half way through a 6 week sick note. Never been off sick before for so long, maybe an odd day or two over 25 years of my working life.

It's very strange not being at work, but the doctor has told me I need this time to recuperate and heal ( major surgery). I may extend the 6 weeks I may not. At this point I'm still uncomfortable and can do very little.

What I'm trying to say is, when doctors tell you that you need a certain amount of time off to recover its for a reason. I would take as long as you need and try to enjoy the time off you have. I'm currently ploughing through box sets and reading!

[AlternativeTentacle]

consultant has told me that I was likely to need three months off work, maybe less, maybe more

Take the three months off, maybe more, maybe less.

When your friends comment, ask to see their Medical Degree certificate before you take their advice.

[hiccupgirl]

Please ignore people who aren't medical professionals and do what your consultant is suggesting.

I had major abdominal surgery 2 yrs ago and was told I would need 2-3 months off work. I was signed off for 8 weeks initially and was confident I'd be back in then. I seriously underestimated how exhausted I would be and how long it takes your body to recover. I ended up having 12 weeks off and then a phased 4 week return and tbh that was probably a month too early as I really struggled with exhaustion even doing half days back at work to start with. Just the drive to work and back was knackering without then having to concentrate too.

[viques]

Your gp or consultant will have to sign that you are fit to return to work.

If you go back too soon without a certificate to say you are fit to return it will possibly mess up your companies insurance, I was told that if I had an accident on the premises while still technically off sick I was not covered.

If you go back too soon and then have to take more time off work it will mess up your sickness entitlement.


you will have to have proper return to work interviews after time off , at which any discrepancy will be discovered.

take the time off, a huge operation can be very debilitating, some people bounce back, others take longer to heal, remember that for most major operations it is not just the external scarring, there is usually internal healing taking place as well.

[beepbeepimasheep]

You are not unreasonable to do what the consultant says. YABVVU to do anything else.

[FastAbsorbingCake]

I'm with a Previous poster in assuming that none of these people have had any major surgery.…

Just having a general takes it out of you. Work acquaintance had to have a minor procedure but under general because of location, assumed he'd be back at work next day........

A week later

Good luck with the op, listen to the professionals, not the know it alls

[ratspeaker]

Heres a tactic I tried several years ago.

DH had an op on his leg, broken bones, tissue damage etc.
He was signed off for months, needed physio several times aweek.

My step mother thought this was outragous. Her pal drove his car with broken wrist etc etc ...should be able to work...

I asked her what medical school she had attended and the clinical research she had done.

Silence.

[228agreenend]

I had an op before Christmas last year. I was fortunate and went back to work part time after six weeks, and full time after eight weeks. It helped that I work fairly close to my home.

Other people having the same op took three months off. They took longer to recover, and possibly their job was more physically demanding. Someone working in an office in their home town is going to get back to work quicker than a teacher who commutes an hour every day to work.

The biggest mantra I read after my op was listen to your body, and don't try to do too much to soon. You will know when you are ready to go,to back. If you need three months, take three months.

Hope the op and recovery goes well for you.

[BangkokBlues]

YABU take 3 if that is what's recommended!

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

One of my colleagues came back too soon after major surgery (6 weeks after) and within a week or two had rightly been signed off for another month, she really wasn't well enough to be there.

I had minor surgery last year and found it took me a week just to get over the general anaesthetic.

[KatyBerry]

take the time, and if you become bored, get a laptop sent home and do an hour or two a day from home, but only when you feel up to it. Some gradual reintroduction into the headspace of work might be helpful for you towards the end

[Confutatis]

Defo with all the advice which says follow the doctor's advice. Be very wary of others who suggest coming back earlier - they are (maybe even only subconsciously) probably only looking at it from their perspective and how it will affect them.

[OvertiredandConfused]

I have been in a comparable condition, although possibly not quite as serious. I was advised to take two months off work and then gradually build up to working four days in the office and one day at home over the next two months.

My colleagues and managers were really supportive but lots of my friends and family found it really difficult. They kept encouraging me to try and do more or go back sooner. Eventually, I realised that it was because it was making them uncomfortable and the sooner I was back to normal, the sooner they could stop worrying about me.

When I say stop worrying, some of them were genuinely concerned and me getting back to normal was clear evidence that I was going to be okay. For some others, they were keen for me to get back to normal because while I was off, I clearly needed help and support and it made them feel guilty if they didn't offer to provide it. Just to be clear, I didn't do anything to make them feel guilty and was perfectly able to organise a few close, willing, friends and family members to give me the help and support that was needed.

I suggest you do exactly what you are doing. Follow the advice of the medical professionals and your own gut instinct. Don't let other people make it all about them.

[Babyroobs]

This is ridiculous. At my workplace people take 6months off for something like a hysterectomy or prolapse repair (just 2recent examples) so no way should you feel pressured to return after 2months for a major op.

[strongnstable]

Thanks all. Appreciate the support and to those recovering. The problem is because I will be so poorly we have had to tell people because we need to make arrangements and then follows the emails saying 'well auntie jan's friend was climbing Mount Everest within a fortnight' etc. People seemed to be genuinely concerned for my career (I'm well established with 20 years behind me) and also how we will cope financially. Surely that's one of the main reason you having savings is to help when you are poorly?! My youngest will have just started reception so was looking forward to some quiet recuperation with Netflix and my kindle and when a bit better some pottering out for cake

[ChasedByBees]

Your friends are being ridiculous.

[BikeRunSki]

Unless everyone else you are speaking to is a medical consultant specialising in your field, ignore them!!!

Your medical team have told you how long you need to recover; your husband and employer are on board with this. It's really nobody else's business. Maybe, because you havn't had time off or made a fuss in the past, maybe people are underestimating how ill you are, or are surprised at the prescribed recovery time. Maybe they're thinking "but you're a trooper, of course you'll get over it quicker".

From one trouper to another - I wish you the best of luck OP, and a healthy recovery.

[FloatyCat]

I had 11 weeks off with a spine operation. it sounds a lot but until you are recovering you cannot anticipate how well it how poorly you will be.

[Groovee]

I'm having planned surgery and taking the whole summer off. If I need longer then I will take it. Do what suits you, not what others tell you what seems right to you.

I needed 12 weeks off after I got my gall bladder out and I made the most of it!

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

I managed a lady who had six months off post op and that was absolutely fine. We kept in regular contact, I met her for coffee near work several times, just to keep in touch, chat about how she was and anything we would need to do to help her once she returned. Ignore everyone else, your work seem supportive and you definitely don't want to return too soon and then go off again. Better to fully recover, have a phased return back up to your normal working hours (with us you got your full pay during the phased return) and put it all behind you.

Good luck OP, hoping it all goes smoothly.

[strongnstable]

Also for those that mentioned it, work have planned for three months and arranged cover for that period. Xmas may well fall at the end which is a quiet time traditionally for us. Also they are looking at to make an additional payment around sick pay because they recognise the seriousness of op

[Frazzled2207]

Ywbvu not to listen to your doctors. You might well bounce back sooner but you need to plan for the worst case scenario.
What anyone else thinks is irrelevant frankly